“Hello, Eli.” My voice was shaky from my nerves and I hoped the noise in the place masked some of it. “Dance with me,” I then blurted out, forgoing all the well thought out flirty things I had been going to say next.
He didn’t say anything for a moment then he stood up and I thought this was it. He was about to bolt. My panic began to set in, but before I could grab him and plead, he took my hand in his and led me away from the table but not toward the dance floor either. We were headed to the exit and I felt tears sting my eyes. He wasn’t leaving, he was making me leave. What did I do now? Did I just go? Did I beg him to listen to me? Did I tell him I loved him enough for both of us? Oh God, I hadn’t thought this through. Not this ending. I wasn’t ready for it.
He reached for the door and opened it then led us outside. I was ready to fall apart and cry hysterically. I felt it bubbling to the surface. He wasn’t even willing to let me try and persuade him. He was walking me away from everyone . . . toward the road?
I glanced up at him and took an unsteady breath trying to figure out what we were doing. But he kept walking, looking straight forward and after checking both ways, we crossed the street and then he led us to the wooden bridge that walked over the sand dunes directly to the gulf.
Before we reached the sand, Eli muttered a curse word then moved so quickly I didn’t have time to prepare before he had me pressed against him and his mouth covering mine. I needed oxygen, but I craved this more. It gave me hope and my heart felt lighter than it had since he’d rode away without a word. I held onto him and kissed him back with all the love inside me, all the pain from missing him and all the determination to make him stay with me. To love me.
He broke the kiss and took a step back.
I let out a cry from my need to inhale and my panic he was leaving me. Once I had oxygen in my lungs again and could speak, I forgot all the things I had planned to say. Instead, I just let words fly. “I love you. I love you enough for both of us. I will love you even if you can’t love me. We make each other happy. That’s got to be love, right? You have to feel something. Maybe not what you think you need to feel, but I can wait. I can be patient. I just . . . I want you, Eli. I want to be with you. Please don’t leave. Let me show you I can make us work. I’ll make you happy.” I stopped then and fought back the tears threatening to burst free and make me even more hysterical.
Eli tilted his head to the side as he studied me. I didn’t speak in case he was deciding if this option was possible. Maybe something I had said made him think he could love me one day.
“Do you honestly believe I don’t love you?”
I understood his words, but the question didn’t make much sense. Not coming from him.
“Have I even fucked that up? This”—he waved his hand slowly up and down as he gestured to my body—“this is to get my attention because you think you need to beg me to want you?” He ran a hand over his face roughly. “Jesus Christ, Ophelia. I don’t deserve this and I sure as hell don’t deserve you.” He sounded angry.
“I love you,” I repeated. “I will do anything to be with you. To show you how much.”
He groaned then and he reached out and pulled me to him. “Please, baby, I need you to stop. You’re killing me with every word that comes out of your mouth. I don’t fucking deserve you and I thought I was a good man, but I’m not that good. Because a better man would let you go. He’d know you deserve so much more. I was trying to be a better man.” He stopped then pressed a kiss to the top of my head then inhaled deeply. “You own me. Every motherfucking corner of my soul is consumed with you. To tell you I love you isn’t enough. It’s never been enough. But make no mistake, I do love you.”
This was real. Not some dream that kept me up at night taunting me with what I wanted most. I held onto him tightly, pressing my face into his chest. His arms flexed as he kept his hold on me. The waves crashed behind us, the sea breeze wrapped us in its warmth. And we stood there knowing this was it. We had both found it. The road hadn’t been easy, and the future wouldn’t always be smooth. But we had found each other.