I walked past Larissa without another word. I’d make coffee, I’d go to see my gran, and I’d go to work. I would live my life and find where I fit here once again. No matter where she was or what she was doing, I knew I’d also love Ophelia Finlay with every fiber of my being until the day I died.
JULY 8TH / 9:30 PM
Ophelia Finlay
I STOOD OUTSIDE of Live Bay in the tightest, shortest dress I owned. My heels were so hot I was obsessed with the way they made my legs look. Bliss had helped me curl my hair and I knew it hung perfectly in loose curls down my back. She’d done such a good job. I owed her big time for putting up with me all afternoon and evening. I’d left the guest bedroom at her house in a mess. Unsure what to wear when I grabbed every dress I owned from my closet, tossed it in my car and drove to Nate and Bliss’s house after having a meltdown this morning. I had tried on most of those dresses for Bliss and most of them were tossed all over the bedroom I stayed in when visiting their house.
The past few weeks, I had been consumed with helping Phoenix adjust to her reality. It had helped me during the days not being able to sit home alone and fall apart. However, at night I spent most of those missing Eli and crying. Okay, I spent all of those missing Eli and crying. It wasn’t getting better. Time was not easing my heart ache. I was in love with the man and if I had to force him to accept he loved me too, I was going to do it. If I thought about this plan too hard, I would back out of it and I knew that.
Bliss’s enthusiasm with my decision had helped keep me on track and not running to a closet to sit alone and weep. She thought this was what Eli needed and she also believed he loved me. I was holding onto that tightly. I wasn’t so sure he loved me, but I knew I loved him enough I could wait for him to feel the same way. If he gave us more time, I thought surely he would see how perfect we fit. I just couldn’t imagine that the love I had for this man wasn’t reciprocated at all. How could I feel so deeply and he feels nothing?
I knew there was bad, painful, things from his last relationship. I’d heard enough that night when I’d walked outside to check on things. My heart broke thinking about the son he had lost. I wanted to hold him and tell him I was so sorry and I loved him. If I could take all that pain away, I would. Thinking of all this reminded me why I was here and about the man I had to convince to come back to me.
Never again would I call a woman desperate when she fought for a man who wasn’t fighting for her. All my badass belief that if a man didn’t want me, then I would walk away and not look back was horse crap when you were truly in love.
I reached for the door and jerked it open then went inside before my nerves could fade again. A live band was on stage and the lights were dim in the crowd, but that helped me feel less on display. I didn’t want to draw attention to myself. I just wanted to find Eli. Bliss had to do a little more than nudge my brother to go make sure Eli was here tonight. I had no idea how Nate managed to get him here, but we’d gotten the text an hour ago letting us know he’d be here and that we both owed him big.
Looking in the direction of where Eli and his bunch normally sat, I found my brother immediately because he was watching me. Swinging my gaze from him, I instantly found Eli. He wasn’t watching the stage. He was sitting there listening to Micah talk, but he didn’t seem interested. I took a deep breath and headed in their direction. I had rehearsed this a million times in my head and there was a very good chance Eli would turn me down, walk away, leave. My stomach started knotting up thinking about it. If he did leave would I chase after him? Was I that crazy and pathetic?
Just before I reached him, his head turned quickly as if someone had alerted him to my approach and his eyes widened as his gaze found me. His eyes slowly took me in and I had never felt so self-conscious in my life. All my earlier confidence seemed to have left me here on my own.