“There’s some emotional damage that I don’t think I can ever heal from. I’m not going to be able to let someone in completely. You deserve to be given it all. I can’t be that man. But I want to be near you. I crave your presence and that’s all I know. It’s selfish that I came here. Asking for anything with you is fucking selfish.” The words came tumbling out of me like a motherfucking truth serum.
She uncrossed her legs and sat up straighter. There was no sign of the earlier frost in her eyes. That had vanished as quickly as I’d blurted out the shit I hadn’t thought through. Instead of looking confused by what I’d said, she appeared thoughtful and poised. I knew she was turning it over and thinking it through. Just watching her was like being given a small gift. Her beauty could make a man forget every dark corner of his life. That either made her dangerous or an angel. I wasn’t sure which.
“I’d like a chance to decide what is and isn’t good for me,” she told me. “I don’t need to know what secrets you’re keeping that make you feel as if you are broken in some way. Not yet at least. Right now we can go slowly. Test the waters. See if this mutual attraction we are both feeling is worth fighting whatever obstacles lay ahead.”
She made it sound so simple. Easy even. I was willing to agree to anything if I could keep her for awhile. I knew forever wasn’t going to happen. Nothing was simple or easy about the truth. I wasn’t the kind of man who could hold onto Ophelia Finlay. If I had been whole, she’d still grow tired of me. She was excitement, beauty, energy all tangled together perfectly in one stunning female. I’d thought so the first time I’d met her. Even then I’d known she was to be admired from afar.
I’d never been able to hold onto a woman before. Believing I could hold onto one as magnificent as this one would make me a fool. I would reserve my heart or what was left of it. But the rest of me she already had. Without her asking for it, I’d handed it over the last time I was here.
“Okay,” I agreed. Only an idiot would turn down an offer like that.
JUNE 08 / 6:59 AM
Ophelia Finlay
HE WAS BEAUTIFUL when he slept. I wondered if he knew that. Had another woman told him before? His lashes were so long and dark in contrast with his blonde hair. His lips full and his jawline wide and strong. Which was what made the other features appear masculine. Otherwise he’d be too pretty to be a man. The wide expanse of his shoulders that weren’t covered up by the blankets also made those perfect features manly. I wanted to reach out and stroke his shoulders and tattoo-covered arm, but I refrained. Mostly because I didn’t want to wake him and also because I was still so unsure about us.
Yes, he was in my bed, but we hadn’t had sex last night. When we had finished talking, I’d asked him to stay. Then shown him where the towels were in the bathroom so he could shower. There was a pair of Cruz’s athletic shorts left here from when Lila Kate still lived here. I kept forgetting to give them to her. Last night they had come in handy for Eli. I’d laid them out on the bathroom counter and explained why I had a pair of men’s shorts.
He’d walked out of the bathroom into my bedroom and I was already in bed. I had pulled back the covers for him to join me. He had without a pause and then tucked me against his chest. Nothing more. No kissing. No talking. It had been so warm and comfortable I’d been asleep within minutes. Little time to think about much more.
It felt silly to think I couldn’t touch him if I wanted to. We’d been close all night. It just seemed too soon. After last night’s talk, this should be clear but in reality, it wasn’t. Or I was just being weird about it all which I was good at. Then there was the little issue with my wanting to have sex with him again . . . like right now.
His breathing remained deep and slow. He wasn’t waking up and I needed to use the bathroom. As quietly as I could, I slipped out of bed and went to handle my morning necessities. This way my teeth would be brushed before he woke up so that was a plus. No morning breath to worry about. I also ran a brush through my hair to get out the tangles before tiptoeing back into the room then toward the kitchen to make coffee. Saturday morning toddler “princess camp” classes started at nine. Which meant I had to be down there getting lights turned on, stocking the waters, making sure the dance supply store had all the merchandise displayed and answering the phone by eight-thirty.