Was he trying to intimidate me? “It really isn’t your business.”
He cracked, bellowing at me. “How could you let another man touch you when you claimed that you were in love with me?” Callum was raving with jealousy, however I was having none of it.
I snorted when he mentioned love. “How dare you throw that in my face!” I growled, shaking with anger as I tried to walk past him, intending to sleep and sort this argument out tomorrow, but the blasted man yanked my arm, not letting me free. “We’ll continue this in the morning.” I tried to be rational, yet he wasn’t listening.
“Just answer me, damn you!” he gripped me tighter.
I glared at him. “Fine. I didn’t have sex with him, but I just might if you keep driving me crazy!” I fumed, yanking my arm free. “Goodnight.” I was trying to walk away again when he stopped me, once more.
“Stella—” he pleaded, all the anger seemed to have subsided the second he knew I didn’t have sex with Clive.
He was a possessive man, I knew that, but given our delicate circumstances, he should be a little bit more understanding. I was still drunk, tired and drained, and there was nothing more I wanted to do than crawl into bed and sleep. “What now, Callum!” I spun around, hair waving past my shoulders, ready to lay it out on him when I saw his expression.
“You have a hickey,” Callum hissed out, about to blow a gasket. “You have a bloody f**king hickey! You let him touch you.” His accusing, pained eyes got to me. “You let him touch you… how could you do this to me?”
Fuck. This hurt. It wasn’t intentional, well, not on my part. Clive somehow got a little over-friendly in the movie theatre. We didn’t even kiss or anything, but he did make out with my neck for a minute… or so.
This was one of the reasons why I didn’t want to stay with him. Apart from his jealous streak, I was now seeing what I was missing after going out with Clive tonight. Callum could never be that man for me, but I kept coming back to him. If I wanted to find love, being here would make it impossible.
“You know what, this wasn’t a good idea. I’m going to call a cab and go back to my place,” I sighed as I texted the private agency my address and hit the send button.
“Hell, I’m sorry. It won’t happen again,” Callum immediately apologized, mood changing swiftly. “Stay. Please. I’ll sleep in the other room if that’ll make you happy.”
This was a hopeless situation. I saw it clearly now. We were going to end up even more messed up than before. We both deserved better than that.
“Cal...” I started, figuring out how to convey my feelings without causing us to fight some more. “Would it be okay if you—” I stopped when he looked conflicted, like he knew what I was about to say. “I need some time apart from you. To be alone, I mean. You’re always around and I’m having a hard time. I’m all over the place and this is not healthy for me or for my business. I’m losing my focus and I simply can’t have that. I’ve worked too hard to get where I’m at.” Ever since I started this whole thing with him and realized that I loved him, it had been downhill from there.
“I’m a distraction.”
If I could ease the pain in his eyes, I would, but at what cost? He was going to keep me here, for what? Companionship? Comfort? I needed more. I wanted his love. If I had that, I’d give him every piece of me, but I didn’t.
“You’re too much, too everything, and I need to breathe. You need to let me breathe.”
Callum simply looked lost. “I…” he started, looking at me a little unfocused. “It wasn’t my intention. You know I would never jeopardize your business.” He searched my face when I walked over to him, cupping his face.
“I know, Cal. I know.” He didn’t need to explain. I understood him. It was simply unfortunate that I needed so much more than he could give me.
“I’m sorry.” He kissed the inside of my palm. “I just wanted you so much.”
He did want me, a lot; for sex, comfort and convenience and mostly, for everything else physical. Other than that, he couldn’t go further and that was the only thing that mattered the most.
The only thing that counted and mattered to me.
“Forgive me, Stella.” Callum held me tight. It was a desperate kind of hug, one which a person gives the other when he’s saying goodbye.
We needed space, although I didn’t know for how long. I didn’t want to be incommunicado with him, but it somehow felt like it was what he was aiming for. Even if he hadn’t voiced it out, I already knew.
“Don’t say goodbye to me. It would be cruel to see you only once in awhile,” I murmured against his chest. Not seeing him… and us going on with how things were for the last few years would affect me greatly. “We can try to be friends.” Please.
“This is the only way I know how, Stella.” He took a deep breath, inhaling my scent. “You can’t expect me to be friends with you, knowing how much I want you.” His nose buried further in my hair. “I’ll always want you.”
I knew this was for the best. Dammit, I knew it was, but I was being cut into two and I wanted the pain to stop. “The thought of not seeing you… it terrifies me.”
He cupped my chin, his thumb wiping the tear that escape from my eye. “Be with me then. I’ll be right next to you, for however long you want me by your side.”
“Callum, you’re not fair.”
“I’m begging here.” He pulled out of my hair and looked into me. “I’ve never begged before, but I’m beyond desperate to have you. It’s horrible without you.” He paused, throat bobbing before he found his voice again. His next move came as a surprise. Callum got on his knees, literally begging in the highest order. “I need you in my life, Stella. Stay and be mine again.”
Callum was giving me a make or break it decision and I wasn’t playing fair, especially knowing how I felt about him. He wasn’t allowing leniency, not even for friendship. He was using my feelings as a weapon against me. “Cal—”
“Please, say you’ll stay.”
I would, if he could tell me what I wanted to hear most. It was now or never. “Are you in love with me?” I whispered, breathless.
Something passed in his eyes and my heart plummeted when I realized what that look was. It was a look of retreat and regroup. He was thinking about how to respond to my question.