"I am saying no. I can see where this is heading, and I will not allow it to head there."
When he pulled back, the look on his face was almost enough to melt her resolve. "All right," he said slowly. "I cannot pretend I don't understand. I hurt you and abused your affections and I do not blame you for refusing me now, but the reason I retreated--"
"I know why."
"Then you know it was certainly not a change of heart. Can we then--"
"No."
His gaze dropped, and he nodded slowly. "All right. That is your choice--"
"It is."
"Because of what I did."
"No, because of what you think you did."
He looked up.
"You think that you got your brother killed because you were smitten with a girl. Because you were paying attention to her and not him. In truth, your brother died because a cart lost control and because he was simpleminded and because your father did not know better than to entrust his care to another child. You were a child, Ronan. Leaving Eder outside while you visited a girl is something any boy of thirteen summers could have done, and what happened was a tragic accident. But you were not driving the horse."
"I was responsible for Eder."
"Yes, you were. And now you are responsible for Jorn and Aidra, and if anything should happen to them while you are on the road with a lover, you would truly never forgive yourself. So you are not on the road with a lover. You are on the road protecting a Seeker and an imperial prince while fighting for your empire."
He went quiet, processing her words. "And when I am home again? Do I dare to hope that anything will change then, Ash?"
"You can hope." She smiled and lifted up to kiss his cheek. "I'd not want to make it too easy."
When she moved back, he caught her face in his hands and pulled her into a kiss, and it was nothing like the kiss at the gate, the one that haunted her dreams. That had been a sweet and pleasant surprise. This was . . . Well, not to be too blunt about it, but this kiss was not sweet. It was fire and passion, starting as a spark, hungry but contained. Yet the moment she reciprocated, it turned into a blaze that consumed all thoughts except "Oh, this is a kiss" and "I want more of this." She wrapped her arms around his neck and kissed him back, and when they finally parted, they were both short of breath, and Ashyn had to disentangle herself quickly before she completely forgot her intentions.
"I do not believe that is what I had in mind when I said we would wait," she said.
He grinned. "So now it is not merely hope? We are only waiting?"
She flushed. "I didn't mean--"
"Too late." He caught her hand. "We are waiting. Which means one kiss like that per day. So that we do not forget what we are waiting for."
"I don't think--"
"I do. One kiss. Each night. No more and no less, until we are home in the city."
She smiled. "And then less?"
"It depends on how I like the rest of the kisses." He winked at her. "I wouldn't want to make it too easy. Now come on. You've had your kiss, and Tova is telling us we need to get back to the farmhouse."
FORTY-FIVE
Tyrus arrived almost as soon as Ashyn and Ronan returned. Moria awoke long enough for a brief exchange of words and a kiss, and then he settled in next to her, and everyone went to sleep.
Moria's wounds did not heal overnight, but between Gavril's magics and Ashyn's healing, she was in good enough shape to ride. And they all could ride, Tyrus having brought two more horses. They were on the road not long after dawn and eventually rejoined Dalain and the others at their camp.
Tyrus, Gavril, and Moria had come up with a plan on the journey. Ashyn and Ronan had listened in, but it was mostly those three who determined their course of action. They would free the children first. No one even suggested they ought to ride straight for the imperial city. The children were close enough that it made no sense to rush straight to the emperor and risk losing them.
Did it concern Ashyn that her sister had stumbled on the children so easily? At first, yes, but once they explained the situation with the shadow stalkers, she understood it was no unlikely coincidence. The so-called bandits had been working for Alvar. They'd brought Gavril intentionally to show him his poor mother's corpse. Alvar had been keeping her in this wasteland on the edge of the steppes. And he'd been using the same general area to hide his shadow stalkers and the kidnapped children. It was a simple matter of efficiency.
They did keep their eyes open for the shadow stalker camp. It was likely within a half-day's walk of the children. Understandably, though, Alvar wouldn't keep it too close. They'd notify the emperor and he could send men to find it when they did not.