"So you see no problem with the arrangement?"
"No, Ronan. Truly I do not."
He let go of her hand and his voice changed, gruffer, harsher. "Then I suppose I have my answer, don't I? No need to stay."
"What?"
"If you do not care if I leave, then I have no reason to stay, do I?"
"You--? Are you--? You're considering staying for me?"
"And that, I believe, answers every question I had. I'm sorry if I misinterpreted your regard, my lady. I'll take my leave now and apologize."
He turned stiffly and began to walk away. Ashyn ran after him and grabbed his arm.
"You are telling me that you considered giving up warrior caste to stay with me?"
"No, of course--" He stopped and gave his head an angry shake. "Yes, Ash. One word from you, and I would have stayed. I thought--I misinterpreted obviously. You enjoy my company. You are quite happy to dally with me, kiss me, but that hardly means there is any depth to your regard."
"Depth--? You honestly doubt--?"
He shook his head again, his tone softening. "I didn't mean it like that, Ash. We're friends. We're having fun being more than friends. It is a dalliance, and I ought not to have expected more."
She stared at him. "You expected . . . ?"
He opened his mouth. Then he studied her expression, and hope glimmered in his eyes. "You did not realize that. Of course. How could you? We couldn't speak of the future, under the circumstances. You wished me to get home to Jorn and Aidra first. Yes, Ash, I want more. I want you. For as long as I can have you, and I cannot imagine being without you. At a word from you, I will happily be a merchant. So long as I have you."
Ashyn continued to stare at him, and as she did, he seemed increasingly pleased with himself. He'd professed his love and now she would profess hers back, and all would be well. It was simply a matter of letting her know how he felt. Which proved he did not understand the situation at all.
"At a word from me . . ." she said slowly.
"Yes."
"If I tell you that I wish you to stay, you will."
"Yes. That's all I need, Ash." He took her by the arms and held her there, his face above hers. "Just speak the word."
"You wish me to tell you that I am committed to you. That I love you, and I will stay with you always, and that you do not need to fear turning down this opportunity, only to have me wander off after the first handsome young man who smiles my way."
His own smile flickered, and he shifted his weight. "Not like that. I just want you to tell me that you feel the same, and that I have reason to stay."
"Reason to give up your dream. To rob your family of a chance at warrior caste. Rob your brother of a chance to be a warrior. And it will be my fault."
"It isn't like that."
"It's exactly like that," she said, looking up at him. "You are asking me to promise that I will be worth the sacrifice. That we will be worth it. And how exactly do you think that would work out, Ronan? Every time I am angry with you, I'll remember what you did for me and feel ashamed of myself. Every time you are angry with me, you will remember what you gave up for me, and hate me for it. And if your siblings ever found out? That you'd sacrificed their futures for a girl you cannot even marry? You are asking if I love you. And you are asking me to prove it by forcing you to do something that, if I loved you, I would never want you to do. Blast you, Ronan! Blast you to--"
She couldn't finish the oath. She wrenched from his grip and ran. She'd barely made it around the next building when she stopped. Tova whined and she laid her hand on his head.
No, I won't do this. I won't run. Not this time. We're going to talk it out.
As she marched back, she saw a figure approaching through the shadows.
"Ronan, we--"
The figure took another step and Ashyn made out the uniform of an imperial guard. She straightened quickly. "I'm fine," she said. "We're playing a game and--"
The guard moved into the moonlight and she saw his face, his horribly twisted face. Then he sprang.