“I don’t think so,” I mumbled as I stumbled out of the truck and up the steps to my front door.
Truitt took my arm and pulled me to a stop before I reached the door. “Nolan, we’ll find her.”
I exhaled and gave a shaky nod. “Let me go change.”
Five hours later, Truitt and I walked into my house and stepped into the foyer. No one had seen or heard from Linnzi. We had checked everywhere we could think to go and called everyone we could think of calling. Now I took a few steps into the house and then reached for a vase and hurled it across the room where it smashed and broke into a million pieces.
“Goddammit! Fuck! Son-of-a-bitch! Motherfucker!” I yelled as I picked up a lamp and sent it flying across the room as well.
Truitt sighed next to me and then walked past. “Go get some sleep, Nolan.”
“I can’t fucking sleep, Truitt. Where in the hell is she? Why in the hell would she run? What was she thinking!?”
He walked into the kitchen, opened the pantry, and pulled out the broom and dustpan. As he made his way to the mess, he spoke. “I think we all know the reason she ran, Nolan. If that sonogram triggered every memory that she’s been running from, the only thing she knows is that we all kept it from her. I can only imagine that she’s hurting, angry, confused. Maybe she doesn’t want to be found right now.”
I stared at him as he got to work sweeping up the glass. My body swayed, and I was physically and emotionally spent.
Closing my eyes, I felt myself sink to the sofa. I dropped my head into my hands and fought to keep my emotions in check. “She’s never going to forgive me,” I whispered.
“You don’t know that. Give her time. She’s not going to do something stupid.”
“You didn’t see her holding Amanda in her arms that night. You didn’t hear the pain and anguish in her voice when she realized our daughter was—”
I cut off my words and looked away from Truitt.
“I’m not going to lie and tell you I know how you’re feeling, Nolan. I cannot even begin to imagine. She has her phone—I’d call her, stay calm, and just let her know you’re here. When she needs you, you’re here.”
I exhaled and stood. With shaking hands, I pulled my phone out of my pocket and then made my way up the steps and to my bedroom. Once I walked into my room, I shut the door and sat on my bed. I pulled up Linnzi’s number and hit Call. I had been calling her off and on until her phone finally just started going straight to voicemail. It was either dead or she had turned it off.
My heart hammered in my chest as I waited to leave my message. Once it beeped, I somehow forced my throat to work. “Linz, I’ve been searching all night for you. I’m back home. Please call me…I’m here, baby. I’m here and I really want to see you. Hold you. P-please…L-Linz…please come back. Don’t go through this all alone. I’m here. I lo…lo…”
I squeezed my eyes shut and tried to get control of my emotions. Taking in a shaking breath, I blew it out and said, “I love you so much. I love you. God, I love you.”
My hand dropped to my lap and I hit End. I laid down on the bed and cried as I stared up at the ceiling, praying for Linnzi to come back to me.NolanTHE SOUND OF voices caused me to glance up from the drink I held in my hand. Truitt looked at me as Jack appeared at his side. Both of them wore concerned expressions.
“How long has he been like this?” Jack asked as he rubbed at the back of his neck.
“A week,” Truitt replied.
“I may be drunk, but I understand clearly that you’re talking about me, assholes,” I said with a slight slur, leaning back in the chair and smirking at them both.
Jack tilted his head and regarded me for a moment. Most likely attempting to figure out how drunk I actually was. Not as drunk as I wanted to be, that was for sure.
“Your leave is almost up, Nolan. You only had two weeks. You can’t fly back if you’re drunk,” Jack stated.
With a half shrug, I reached for more whiskey and downed it.
“No word from her?” Jack asked Truitt.
Truitt looked at me, and I lifted a brow and then nodded. Truitt turned to Jack with a slight shake of his head. “She sent one text message to her parents and Nolan. It said she was fine and needed time alone. That was it.”
Jack exhaled and shook his head. “At least she texted you. Give her some time, Nolan. She needs time to grieve so many different things.”