Geoff studied him. "And that bugs you."
Chris returned his gaze to the fairy mound, to the slim fairy sitting next to the squirrel, her tiny feet in the swirling water. "You don't get to control love. And nobody's first love is their last love, is it? It's a way to grow up, evolve. I don't know anyone who stays with their very first love." His fists clenched at the thought. Geoff, who could sometimes be a dick and way too smart, was smart enough to stay silent as the feelings kept coming, kept leaving Chris's lips.
"I don't want to evolve past the two of you, and if you evolve past me, I just . . . I'm not sure how I'd survive. I don't want you all to be my first love, crush, whatever. I want you to be it, and I can't handle it otherwise, because I feel so much for both of you."
"Ah, Chris. I should have known. When something bothers you, it's the kind of thing that tears the heart out." Geoff gripped his hand, and there they were, holding hands like a couple of girls, but it felt right. "No, there are no guarantees. But Sam and I have the same hopes for forever that you do. If we don't try, we'll never know."
There it was, out and declared, and Geoff wasn't backing away from it. No more double talk or covering stuff up with casual words that meant nothing. Chris's hand constricted on Geoff's, and the fierceness of his friend's expression said he knew that he'd just said something that couldn't, wouldn't be taken back.
When he'd thought about his dad leaving, Chris had always focused on the anger, the betrayal, his resolve to do better, be a better man. He'd known he'd built some emotional walls. But it wasn't until these past twenty-four hours, putting it out there for the man who mattered most, that he'd realized how much he'd always longed to feel safe, emotionally safe, with another human being. His dad had taken that ability away from him. But he had two people willing to give that back to him, if he could be brave enough. If he could leave those walls behind when he was with them.
"Spill the rest of it out," Geoff said softly. "Tell me."
So Chris opened himself even further. "Last night, after you left, I did have a fantasy. This one with pictures, full color, sound, the whole bit. I thought about coming to you while you were asleep, and sliding into the bed behind you." He swallowed, shifting his gaze to Geoff's feet, aligned with his. "Being with you, wrapping around you, holding you, being inside you, like you talked about when you said that . . . about me being a group of one. About trusting only one person to do that. Me."
Now he lifted his eyes once more, met Geoff's. "Just now, you asked me what I need to have happen before the rest can work. I think if you let me inside you, all the way, you can have anything you want from me."
*
The tide of Chris's emotions swamped Geoff, filling him beyond speech or even movement. As Chris had spoken, he realized he'd tightened his grip on his friend's hand to hold on. On the surface, Chris's words might sound like a condition, an ultimatum. Whether or not he could get into the sub stuff, he'd give Geoff that if he opened himself up fully. Yet Chris didn't set conditions. He was telling Geoff what needed to happen for them to reach the place that they both wanted to go, not just for sex but for things a who
le lot deeper than that.
The Dom/sub stuff might all be new territory to Chris, but Geoff gave him full marks. Geoff had stumbled in his own insecurities, not sure if he'd been right about Chris when Chris pulled away so abruptly. But Chris had steadied him, given him this window to understand that he actually did have the capacity and, what's more, the desire, to embrace a surrender to Geoff. Yes, it would be on his own terms, but that made it as much of a priceless treasure as Sam's submission was, because each was sculpted by the nature of the person offering the gift.
"Okay," he said. Releasing Chris's hand, he ran a proprietary touch over Chris's chest, down to his upper abdomen, earning an opaque look that meant either he was getting the big guy worked up or Geoff was about to have his head knocked off his shoulders. "Why don't we take a step back? All right?"
"Yeah." Chris closed his hand around Geoff's again, holding it in place against his chest. "With Sam, she's different. With you and me . . . it's too easy to become rabbits fucking every ten minutes, and I don't like how that feels. You matter too much. You and Sam."
Geoff curled his fingers around Chris's hand, turning it into that brotherhood knot again, no teasing this time, their combined fists pressed against Chris's heart. "Okay. So we move slower. Show some control. Put our dicks on a leash."
Chris's lips quirked. "I'm not into that kind of shit, either, by the way. In case you ever get the notion to check out that corner of Naughty Bits, you'd better be considering adopting a dog with a throat that's coincidentally the size of my dick."
"Not sure they make them that small. Maybe gerbil leashes at PetSmart."
Chris punched him in the abdomen, fortunately with strength held back. But he kept hold of Geoff's hand. Glancing down at it, he looked at the ground, his mouth sliding back into a somber line. "You going to call me a girl for wanting to take things slow?"
"If I didn't, you'd think I was coddling you." Geoff slid his other hand around Chris's neck and pulled him in to plant a hard kiss on his forehead. "I love you, man. Seriously. Whatever it takes." He drew back, met him eye to eye. "So do you want to keep working on this thing for Sam, or take a break from all of it? We could go jump into a scrimmage game at Reedy Creek and do about twenty dollars' worth of Jack in the Box after. That'd be enough to cover lunch and dinner."
"Yeah, sounds good. Maybe we work on the bench later this afternoon. You think she'll really like it, don't you?"
"Yeah, I do. And I think the more you see how she embraces that surrender feeling and loves giving us that gift, the better a lot of it will feel to you." Geoff cocked a brow. "You already like topping her, don't you? You didn't expect that."
Chris nodded. "Yeah. She gets . . . wow. It's pretty hot."
Geoff grinned. "It's hellfire hot. Makes me want to spank her all day long. That's how it goes. Whatever the Powers That Be are, they're pretty smart about some things." Geoff punched him in the shoulder. "Let's go shut things down in the garage and get out of here."
At Reedy Creek they found a football scrimmage in process with half a dozen guys broken into two teams. To Geoff's amusement, they took one look at Chris and were more than happy to incorporate them into the game. They played hard, on opposite sides, and, though it was flag football, no one was averse to some rough play and the occasional tackle. When Geoff swiped blood off his elbow, he couldn't help but grin, remembering the scrapes, cuts and bruises they'd bragged about during their adolescence, the rites of boyhood.
But manhood had its own perks. When Chris brought him down on one play just short of the goal, Geoff couldn't help reacting to the feel of his body pressing him down, or thinking about what Chris had said he needed. What they'd be doing by day's end. As Geoff had told him, he preferred to do the pitching, but now that he'd agreed to it, he realized he was already thinking about how it would play out, Chris's naked, muscular body pushed against him, his cock deep in Geoff's ass, how that would feel.
Chris was right. With guys, the hormone part was too easy. But Chris seeing that he'd wounded Geoff in the kitchen, and caring enough to try to make it right and stick to the truth? Well, it underscored that it was worth it to take it slow. As Sam liked to say, the journey was all.
Speaking of which, at the next break, Geoff checked his phone and was pleased to find a text from her. She'd been sending them every several hours since she'd been gone, cheerful status notes, some with suggestive tones he'd enjoyed answering, sometimes with Chris's help.
In regulatory meeting. Kill me now! Sooooo boring.
He tapped a quick message back. Just think about what we could do to you on the conference room table while they all watch.