Chapter One
“ACCEPT THE THINGS I cannot change.”
Joan Edwards muttered the 12-step mantra, under her breath – to calm herself.
It didn’t work.
The whole point of going to the trouble of persuading her older sister Lissa to agree to walk and use the subway for their errand downtown, was so she could have some quiet alone time with her sister – so she could tell her sister about her decision.
But, so far, it hadn’t worked out.
Joan, understood, that it wasn’t Lissa’s fault. It wasn’t as if she’d sold her sister that reason when she’d convinced her to bypass the family chauffeur and take the longer way to run their errand.
Lissa had reluctantly agreed to the time inefficient plan, only after Joan pointed out that it might be Lissa’s last chance to get some exercise before the big wedding.
That worked, because Lissa was a stress eater and she’d added an inch or two since they’d measured her for the couture wedding gown on her trip a few weeks before to Paris.
Joan knew that she shouldn’t be angry with her sister. It wasn’t Lissa’s fault. But, seriously?
Did she have to be on the phone the whole entire time?
They were already forty-five minutes into their outing, and not once had Lissa bothered to sidle up to her, as Joan did the hard work of pushing Lissa’s baby Hunter in his stroller.
Not once, had Lissa spoken about what a beautiful morning it was in Barcelona, Spain, or inquired as to Joan’s health.
Nope. All Lissa had done since they stepped out of the Torres house, and walked away from the exclusive L’Eixample neighborhood, was make calls on her cell phone.
Back at the Torres house, Mamacita Torres and Aunt Sophia were looking after the other two babies, Hunter’s triplet brothers Marco and Ryland.
This walk, with just a sleeping Hunter in his stroller, should have been the ideal chance for Joan to have the heart-to-heart.
But, Lissa remained on her phone for the entire fifteen-minute walk to the subway station in Passie de Gracie. She was on call as she in an available seat, chatting merrily away, while Joan had to stand in the area reserved for wheelchairs and bicycles, hanging on to Hunter’s stroller with one hand and a metal pole with the other one, as the train bumped through tunnels towards the heart of the city.
Lissa had just wrapped up her latest call, when Joan made an impulsive decision.
“This is our stop,” she shouted to her sister.
Lissa obediently came over and helped her lift Hunter and his stroller onto the platform.
Lissa had no idea that Joan pulled them off the subway, one-stop too soon. Nor did she care. Having the extra walk might give her a chance to get a word in edgewise.
But as they stepped into the street level, Joan began to have doubts about her decision. She’d never stopped at the station before, and the neighborhood looked sketchy.
Layers of multi-colored graffiti covered the metal doors and boarded windows of the closed shops, which outnumbered the open shops.
Joan warily eyed a group of youths hanging out on a nearby corner.
“This way,” she told Lissa, grabbing her arm and steering her towards what she hoped was a right direction. Lissa, was too intent on her call, to be aware of her surroundings, but she came along as requested.
When Lissa saw a familiar landmark, an old iron gate overgrown with ivy, she let out a gasp of relief. “Over here,” she said to her sister, and after taking a few more turns, she found what she was looking for. The cobblestoned passageway that she knew would eventually take them to Las Rambla and the heart of the Old Goth District.
Joan had found this passageway once before, completely by accident and she was thrilled to see it again. The cobblestones were chipped and well-worn, and the narrowness of the passageway, where both old and newer buildings rose on either side, made Joan wonder if this path had been there since the middle ages. It certainly felt like they were walking into another time.
But, then she heard her sister’s voice echoing off the buildings in the confined space, and she was brought back to the present. “I think it’s a little early to worry about who gets the commercial cleaning contract, don’t you?” Lissa said, to whomever she was speaking to on the other line. It had to be about the Milan Project, which was the big business complex Lissa and her fiance Julio Torres’s company were handling the development. Joan slowed down, allowing Lissa to strut past her and Hunter.
She wasn’t in the mood to listen to another one-sided conversation, especially if it was about the Milan Project. She was sick of hearing about the Milan Project.
Joan tried to let it go.
It was wrong for her to harbor resentments towards her sister. It wasn’t Lissa’s fault that she’d waited this long to try and have the conversation. She reminded herself, that if not for her sister and the kindness she showed, she might be...well, dead.
Lissa had been there for her after her near life-destroying meltdown. She’d sent her to rehab and she’d given her life purpose after Joan had gotten out. Lissa had made her feel valuable and wanted again when she’d allowed her to become the full-time nanny to her triplets.
And being there since before they were born, and helping to raise those three beautiful baby boys had been the highlight of Joan’s life. She wouldn’t trade it for anything.
But, now that Lissa and Julio were getting married and their massive business project, was back in hand, Joan knew in her heart that the time had come for her to move on.
Because as much as she loved Hunter, Ryland, and Marco – they weren’t her babies... and some day, she knew she would have to leave them.
It would be far easier to do it while they were still not walking and talking, while they were still in their first year – then it would be if she stuck around until they were old enough to notice it, if she suddenly was gone...
She knew she should have brought up her decision, weeks ago, when she’d first realized that she needed to make this move. But, then there were issues with the Milan Project, and the apartment in Milan, and Lissa and Julio kept taking trips – to deal with their business and to get fitted into the Couture wedding dress he wanted her to wear. And then there was the extra wrinkle in the wedding when a friend of the f
amily invited himself to the wedding – and since he was a member of the Royal Family, they ended up postponing the wedding to accommodate his schedule.
So, many things going on, Joan just never found the right moment to tell her sister that she wasn’t planning on moving to Milan with the rest of them, soon after the honeymoon.
But, then time flew past and it was Tuesday, and the wedding was Saturday.
Joan knew instinctively that Lissa would not take the news well, and that she’d need recovery time.
If she didn’t drop the news today, she’d have to wait until after they got back from the honeymoon – but, that would mean she’d have to move to Milan... be in Milan.
And that was something, that Joan wanted to avoid at all costs.
Milan was a trigger, and even though Joan had almost a year of being clean and sober, she wasn’t sure that she’d be able to keep her sobriety if the memories of Milan were reopened like a peeled off scar.
No. Today was the day, she told herself.
Finally, Lissa ended her call. Joan steeled herself, taking a deep breath. It was now or never.
“Hey Lissa, I really need to talk to you, it’s important,” she started, but her voice was quieter than she’d wanted it to be, and from Lissa’s next words, her sister hadn’t heard her.
“Can you believe it?” Lissa said, instead.
Joan wanted to scream, ‘I don’t care, and will you stop talking for once?’ but, she fought back the urge. Maybe, if she let her sister, get it out of her system, then she could make sure to stop her before she started the next call?
Lissa went on, her voice rising as she spoke. “Abby went all the way to the apartment to get the key from the real estate agency. It was all arranged, and she was supposed to let in the contractors so that they could get started on your room and the boy’s room. But, the agent never showed – no one from the estate office showed—which meant she couldn’t get in and the contractors couldn’t get started. Is this unbelievable, or what?”
Joan saw an opening... since she brought up her room in Milan, and she wasn’t intending on ever staying in it.
“That’s a shame, Lissa,” Joan said. She spoke with firmness. “Look, sis, I’m sorry about all that, but, speaking of my room in Milan—there’s something I need to tell you.”
But Lissa wasn’t listening. Lissa was staring at her cell phone as her fingers thumbed through her contacts. “Lissa!” Joan snapped, irritably.
“Oh, sorry, were you saying something, look – can it wait? I’m trying to find the general manager’s telephone number or someone that knows him. Did I tell you that Abby waited over an hour for the guy to show up and he didn’t have the decency to call or even answer his phone? Did I tell you that even though Abby sent the contractor’s away, we still got charged for a half day’s work? Did I tell—“
Joan’s temper flared, her voice came out shrill and loud as she yelled. “Lissa, will you stop talking for one damn second and listen to me?”
Lissa’s face flashed with surprise, then confusion, and finally with anger. She glared back at the younger sister. “Fine, what is it?”
Joan was about to apologize for losing her temper, and then gently steer the conversation back to her plans, but she didn’t get the chance, because Lissa’s phone rang in her hand.
Lissa dropped her eyes to her phone. “I’m sorry, it’s Abby.” She put her finger to her lip, then turned her back on Joan.
“Tell you what, sis,” Joan said with ice in her voice. “Go ahead, finish your call. Hunter and I will just go on ahead without you.”
“Wait, I don’t know where to go!” Lissa shouted after them.
Joan slowed down just enough to shout over her shoulder. “Left when you get to La Rambla, then it’s right past La Boqueria, same side.”
“La what?”
“La Boqueria, the huge market the one with the tin roof. You’ve been there before, remember the Tapas bars?”
“Oh, right, okay, see you there,” Lissa said, then she got back on her call.
Joan hesitated, feeling a little uncertain about leaving her sister alone, but then she pushed past her doubts, and steered Hunter’s stroller towards the famous pedestrian walkway, just up ahead. She would still have the conversation with her sister, before getting back to the house. She’d have it in the limo, even if the driver, Carlos overhead and word got back to the rest of the Torres house. She wouldn’t have a debate, or break the news easy on her sister.
She’d simply give two-weeks’ notice and let the chips fall where they may.
IT TOOK JOAN TEN MINUTES to get to the de Cortez clothing and tailoring shop, and she smiled when she heard the cheery brass bells ring on the door as she pushed Hunter’s stroller into the shop.
The proprietor, a diminutive man in his late sixties named Philip de Cortez, moved towards her with the energy of a man half his age and kissed her on both cheeks. His English was good, but his Spanish accent was thick as he spoke. “Welcome, welcome. Señorita Joan, but where is your sister—the other babies?”
“Lissa should be here soon and I’m afraid we just brought one child today, Hunter.” Disappointment flickered over his face. “Can we get started now? I’m in a hurry today, you know, the wedding and all.”
“SI. SI. OF COURSE, I understand.” Turning towards the back of the shop, he cupped his hand over his mustached mouth and shouted, “Paula! What’s taking you so long? The Torres outfit, por favor.”
A moment later, Paula de Cortez, appeared from the back carrying a large shirt box in her arms. There were measuring tapes draped around her neck, and she had a pin cushion strapped to her wrist. She smiled at Joan, in greeting, then focused an angry scowl on her husband. She moved towards him, scolding him in rapid Spanish too fast for Joan to understand, but she got the gist.
Joan began to feel uncomfortable, as if she’d just walked into a domestic dispute, but then the hunched back woman moved close to her husband and presented her face. He gave her a kiss on the lips, and she smiled. He reached behind her and pinched her on the ass. Paula de Cortez let out a fake cry of shock and tried to swat at her husband’s skinny arm but he was too fast, pulling his body out of reach just in time. He grinned at his wife like a mischievous schoolboy and pulled her into him, hugging her hard. Paula blushed, then gazed up at her husband as if he was still her dream come true.
Joan felt that pang again in her chest, the one she felt whenever she saw others obviously in love. Everyone was in this city was in love.
Everyone but her.
More reasons why she had to quit, and leave Europe. She couldn’t stand the idea of returning to Milan, to the only place she’d ever felt inklings of love. She dreaded returning to that city because she knew that he still lived there. And even if she never saw him again, just being in the city would be a constant reminder of the painful, heartbreaking memories.
It would be easier to be alone in New York.
It took Joan and Senora de Cortez almost ten minutes to get Hunter undressed, then redressed in the unfinished wedding suits designed for the boys. To Joan’s relief, Hunter didn’t squirm or kick as she held him up by his armpits while Paula de Cortez expertly pinned the hems of his pants, jacket, and sleeves.
Joan hoped that using Hunter as a model to finish the suits would be good enough since he was the heaviest and tallest of the triplets. If Ryland and Marco’s clothes ended up a little too long or too loose, it was better than the other way around. In any case, hauling one baby to a fitting was clearly easier than dealing with the ordeal of taking all three.
Once the pinning was complete, Senor de Cortez motioned for Joan to take Hunter over to a mirror. There was a chest-high table in front of the mirror, and Joan gratefully rested Hunter’s feet on it, giving her aching arms a break as she continued to hold him upright.
“You look so handsome, Hunter,” Joan said. She admired the clever design of the outfit. It was only two pieces, but it looked like five. The tuxedo pants were pu
ll-ons with an elastic waist and the tuxedo coat was one a piece top - long sleeves, tuxedo collar and bow tie sewn onto the top, with the cummerbund painted on. It was eminently practical in the quick change on and off departments, and all around seriously adorable.
Lissa was going to love it, even if the triplets did end up stealing the show in the fashion department. Joan looked over at the entrance, reminded that her sister still hadn’t arrived. She wanted Lissa to see this. What was taking her so long?
Senor de Cortez helped a new customer who’d just come into the store. Joan sat Hunter on his rump and looked around the quaint store as she waited for her sister. She recalled the first time she’d been there with Lissa, almost a month prior.
Mamacita Torres had planned the visit as a surprise, then said she wanted to give the babies a gift, her treat. Neither Lissa or Joan had any clue that it was all part of the secret plan that Julio and his family had cooked up. They had a wedding all planned, and Julio was going to propose. But, it had almost not happened at all because Lissa thought that Julio didn’t want that.
Joan recalled how they’d almost left Europe before Julio could surprise her with his proposal. On the day they’d tried to depart Spain while Julio was out of the city, unaware of Lissa’s discontent, Mamacita Torres tried to stop them and after they left she contacted her son, warning him. Julio pulled strings with Spanish aviation security officials, and the next thing Joan knew, she and her sister and three babies were detained by airport security.
Joan remembered how upset Lissa had been after Julio arrived, and she realized he was the reason they’d been locked in a room. There was a scene as the two lovers shouted at each other. But, they stopped when the babies started to cry, and then when Julio got on his knees and proposed...
Joan felt that pang again.
She wasn’t destined for romance. She’d thought that she’d found love – but that had turned out to be a disaster, and it had almost taken her life.
“You take off?”
Joan stirred out of her maudlin reflections as Paula de Cortez tried to get her to help get Hunter out of the clothing, which she would need if she was going to complete the tailoring.