I force myself to push those thoughts out of my mind and focus only on my tasks for the day. I responded to a couple dozen emails, then set up a few more meetings. Several of them had been rescheduled a couple of times already, so they couldn’t be held off any longer. What I was finished with that, I called Tom.
“They’re all willing to do them over video,” I told him after rattling off the list of meetings I scheduled. “They were just getting impatient, and they needed to get on the books.”
“No problem,” he said. “Thank you for doing that. I really appreciate it.”
“It’s my job,” I said cheerfully. “Literally. That’s my job.”
Tom laughed. “Well, I appreciate it anyway. We’re going to have dinner over at my mom’s house tonight, so I’ll be over at the hotel around five-thirty to pick you up.”
“Sounds good,” I said.
I had a little while before he was going to be there to finish up the rest of my work. When I was done, I took a shower and got dressed. I might have used to working in my lounge clothes, but I still wanted to look my best for Tom. And definitely for his family. As welcoming as I had been, part of me still felt like I was trying to impress them.
I didn’t know how I felt about that. There was still the question in the back of my mind of whether I needed to impress them at all. Tom and I still hadn’t gotten around to having any sort of conversation that would define our relationship. Maybe I was putting too much effort into all of this. But maybe not.
When we got to Susan’s house, the rest of the brothers, Ava, and Robert were already there. Dinner smelled absolutely amazing. We sat down around the huge dining table and passed around platters of meatloaf, mashed potatoes, green beans, and fresh homemade yeast rolls. Everyone was laughing and talking. I couldn’t help but imagine what it would be like to have Thanksgiving with this family.
After dinner, the guys clear the table. After putting the dishes in the sink, they all went out onto the back porch with beer while Ava and I helped Susan finish cleaning up. I stood at the sink washing the dishes Ava scraped off and handed to me. Susan dried them and put them away.
“Thank you so much for your help, girls,” she said.
“Of course,” I said. “I’m happy to help.”
“It’s so nice to have all my boys home with me,” she said. “There were times there when I thought it would never happen again. The only thing that brought Tom back was his father’s death. And even that only gave me a couple of days.”
“How have you been doing with that?” I asked.
I didn’t even mean to ask it. The question just came out as soon as it formed in my thoughts. I felt terrible for asking it. This definitely wasn’t the sort of question you brought up on a happy night everybody was enjoying together. Especially when you barely knew the person. I waited for Susan to be offended or angry. Instead, she offered me a smile.
“Better,” she said. “Thank you for asking. Sometimes I feel like most people have forgotten. Or are doing everything they can to pretend they have. Not you, Ava. Ava has never forgotten. She makes sure she checks in on me and listens when I need to talk. But a lot of people around town, even my boys, try to avoid even mentioning him.”
“I’m sorry,” I said. Even as I said it, I was relieved she wasn’t upset by it.
She shrugged and went back to drying the dish in her hands. “I guess I can understand it. They’re hurting, too. Maybe they don’t want to talk about him because it hurts too much. But that’s why I want to talk about him. It makes me feel closer. Like he’s still here with me.”
“He is,” Ava said. “He always will be.”
Tears stung in the backs of my eyes, and I felt a separation from the two women standing there in the kitchen with me. They had experienced something together I was not a part of. I certainly wasn’t envious of it. It hurt enough to hear about Tom’s father without me having known him. But it was also a reminder that I was coming into a strong and well-established family.
Whatever was happening between Tom and me, I was getting a chance to be a part of something really special.
We finished the dishes and cleaned up the kitchen. Susan handed each of us a beer and shooed us toward the back porch.
“You two go on out there and relax,” she said.
“Aren’t you coming with us?” Ava asked.
“No,” Susan said, shaking her head. “Not my scene. I have a cuddle and game show date with my grandson.”