“Okay, what is this about, Sailor? That you didn’t tell me you knew Creed?”
Another deep breath. “I never stopped loving Creed. With you being there and us not seeing each other, I’ve had time here alone and Creed moved in next door to his family’s house. We’ve…been together. I wanted to do this in person, but you never had time and I couldn’t keep lying. I needed you to know.”
He said nothing.
I didn’t know what else to say.
We sat there in silence, the only sound the crackling of the fire in the living room. The sick knot in my stomach was still there, but there was also a relief that came with telling Griff.
“Are you breaking up with me?” he asked.
His question confused me. I didn’t want to say the words but maybe he needed me to. I was going to let him break up with me. I was the one who cheated. I was the one who should be dumped.
“I have wonderful memories with you and you saved me when no one else could. I will always love you for that. But you have medical school and time for a relationship isn’t possible.” And I was in love with Creed, but I’d already told him that and I didn’t want to rub it in his face.
“Goodbye, Sailor,” he said then ended the call.
I sat there holding the phone and looking down at it as tears filled my eyes. It hadn’t been dramatic, but then Griff wasn’t a dramatic person. I had hurt him and I hated that. I didn’t want to hurt him. He’d always been so good to me. He had loved me and brought me back to life. In the end, I had tossed that in his face and walked away via a phone call. I was a terrible person. Setting the phone down, I pulled my knees up to my chest and buried my face in them and cried.
Griff had been a part of my life I would always cherish. Losing him was hard and felt like a piece of me was dead. However, I knew that losing him was easier than losing Creed. I’d done that once and I wasn’t willing to go through that again. I wanted Griff to find happiness and he deserved to be loved the way I had thought I had loved him.
He deserved to be loved the way I loved Creed.
I’m not sure how long I sat there like that when Creed walked back into the house. He said nothing sitting down beside me. Gently, he pulled me into his arms, and I went willingly. More tears came as I let him comfort me when I didn’t deserve comfort. He pressed his mouth against the top of my head and I closed my eyes, letting him try and soothe me. I didn’t think anything would make this better. Griff was such a good man and what I’d done was unforgivable.
Creed said nothing and I was thankful for that. I just needed his arms around me right now. Talking wasn’t something I was ready for and I didn’t think Creed was the one who should listen to my ramblings. There were some things I needed to keep to myself.
Creed covered me with a blanket then leaned back and moved me to lay against his chest again. We sat there in the silence while my tears eased and then dried up. I stared at the dwindling fire in front of us and wondered if I’d done the right thing. Should I have gone to Boston and forced Griff to find time to talk to me? Telling him over the phone had felt like my only option but now it added to my guilt.
I had never broken up with anyone in my life. Maybe this was normal to feel so terrible. Creed had been the one to desert me and he’d been the only other relationship I’d had. Was I being too hard on myself? The cheating was real. I’d definitely been wrong there, but I had been honest and broken things off. Did that ease my guilt any?
No. It didn’t.
“I love you, Sailor Moon,” Creed said, as he began stroking my hair.
And that was why I had been able to hurt Griff…I wanted nothing in the world more than I wanted Creed Elijah Sullivan’s love.
Twenty-three
November 17, 2019
Another Sunday night at home alone and now I was wishing I had gone with Creed. Dalm had called him Friday to ask if he could play with Kranx tonight at Red’s. I couldn’t bring myself to go with him. It was too close to Griff and his life in Boston. The last time I’d been there, the females had thrown themselves at Creed. I wasn’t sure I could handle that just yet. I was too emotionally screwed up. Creed had understood or at least he had said he understood.