He smiled. I smiled. We smiled. Not an uncomfortable grin, not an estranged father-daughter smile, but a real smile. The first one we’d had in…years.
“I think I’m going to go see her…be with her for the holiday. If it’s okay with you, I’ll probably go tomorrow.”
He grimaced.
“I’ll come back, Henry,” I promised.
“She’ll love that, Ashlyn. She’s doing a lot better…” He moved to the Christmas tree in the corner and lifted a gift box. “Here you go.”
My fingers ran over the wrapping paper. I saw my name written across it and my heart skipped. “You always give us gift cards,” I whispered.
“Yeah, well… I thought I would try something different this year. Open it.”
I was slow to unwrap the gift, feeling as if this were some kind of dream I would awake from. I gasped when I saw the CD sitting in my hands. Romeo’s Quest.
Henry cleared his throat. “I know it might be weird, being your teacher’s band and all. But I saw them perform a few weeks ago. They’re good, Ashlyn.” He paused. His bottom lip twitched. “Dan”—he paused again—“Mr. Daniels was telling me how they based each song off Shakespeare plays. You like Shakespeare, right? But if you hate it, we can get something else. I’ll take you shopping—”
A deep sigh rolled through me. My arms wrapped around Henry and I held him close. “Thank you, Henry. It’s perfect.” When we pulled away, I went back to the tea and took another sip, gagging after the taste.
“Why do you even drink this nasty stuff?” Henry asked, eyeing the tea.
“It’s not all nasty,” I argued. “Plus, Gabby loved tea, she’s the reason I started drinking it.”
His eyebrows lowered. “Do you think you can tell me more about Gabby?”
My lips turned down and I felt my heartbeat increase at the idea of sharing the wonderful things about my best friend to the guy who should’ve already known her. “What do you want to know?”
His voice was a whisper, barely making a sound. “Everything.”
After spending hours sitting and chatting with Henry about Gabby, I found myself sitting in the bathtub on my phone talking to Daniel. It was around three a.m. and he had no plans of hanging up on me.
“Sorry to call so late,” I sighed.
“No worries. I was just lying here, hugging my pillow, thinking of you.”
I laughed at his comment. “I’m going to see my mom tomorrow…”
“Yeah? I think that’s great.”
“I’m nervous… What if it doesn’t go over well? What if she doesn’t want to see me? What if I get there and I’m still mad at her? Because…I still feel mad.”
I heard his breathing through the receiver, and that sound alone gave me a hair of comfort. “I’ve had a lot of terrible things happen in my life. And what I’ve come to realize is if you don’t say what you need to say when you have a chance…you’ll regret it. Even if you’re mad, say it. Scream it into the world while you still have a chance to. Because once life passes you by, it’s gone. And so are the words left unspoken.”
My eyes blinked tight and I felt my heart pounding against my ribcage. Say what I needed to say. That idea scared me so much. “I’m sleepy…”
“Go to bed, Ash. You have big day tomorrow.”
I nodded to the phone as if he could see me. “Will you stay on the line with me? Until I fall asleep?”
“Of course.”
I stood up from the tub and moved back toward my bedroom. “Merry Christmas, Daniel.”
“Merry Christmas, angel.”
I lay with my phone to my ear, and he played his guitar through the line until my eyes fell heavy and dreams washed over me.
I climbed onto the train with Gabby’s treasure chest in my lap. I figured opening a few letters with Mom might be good for her. For us. I texted Daniel, thanking him for last night. He only texted back with one word: Always.
Sitting in a window seat on the train back to Chicago brought back the memories of my first train trip to Wisconsin. Where Daniel and I had first crossed paths. So much had changed since then, yet a few things still remained. Those blue eyes, for one.
I placed the treasure box on the seat next to me. My legs tucked against my chest and I sighed. I missed them both so much, Ryan and Gabby. A few tears started falling from my eyes as my head fell to the glass window and the train started moving. Closing my eyes, I took a few deep breaths. I’m okay. I told myself that over and over, yet the tears kept coming.
There should be a universal law that said young people shouldn’t be allowed to die. Because they’d never really had a chance to live.
My eyes reopened when I heard footsteps near me and I looked up.
Beautiful.
Breathtaking.
Brilliant.
Blue eyes.
More tears fell as Daniel lifted my treasure box and sat down in the seat beside me. “What was his greatest fact?” he asked, pulling me close and kissing away the tears.
I closed my eyes as more emotion kept falling down my cheeks, yet he never stopped his kisses, catching each tear against his lips. “His heart. The way he loved so deep and felt so much,” I whispered about Ryan. “The way he loved his sister and his mom. The way he missed his dad…” My eyes reappeared and I placed my hands on the back of his neck, pulling him closer to me. “What was your mom’s favorite Christmas fact?”
This time, he closed his eyes. He didn’t reply right away. When his blues opened, they were glassed over with water. “I don’t talk about her…”