br /> I noticed Ghost was missing as soon as I walked in. Ain't like him. He ain't missed church since the day he joined up.
“Where's Ghost?”
“None of your damned business, Hammer.” Prez is really pissed. At me. He knows. I don't know how, but he knows that I've claimed Willow without his permission. Great. I bet Nova told him because I know she told Lynette. How else would she have known?
“I've given y'all orders. Make sure you're where you're supposed to be. Anyone of you fucks up in any way, then, believe me, I'll fuckin' end you. I don't give a damn who you are!” Oh, yeah, he's pissed all right.
Everyone in the room looks at the person next to him. Not one of us knows what the hell is wrong, what he's keeping from us. It's more than just me and Willow – if he even knows about us – this is something serious. Something that he can't sort out by himself. He needs us. Why the fuck isn't he confiding in us?
Knowing Shepard, he's trying to help some punk kid out of a bad situation. It wouldn't be the first time he's done it, I know it won't be the last. He's a good guy at heart, tough as shit and twice as crazy. But he's always there if you need him.
I needed him a lot when I was a kid. I'd just turned twenty when my parents were killed. It destroyed me in the worst way. Couldn't even be there for my brother because I was too lost in grief. It was Shepard who pulled me out of it. Made me see that Haiden – Tank – needed me. I couldn't drown in grief when Tank was just fifteen fuckin' years old. I made sure my brother knew that I wouldn't rest until our parent's killers we put down like the dogs they were. And put them down, I did.
Shepard kept his promise to help me end those motherfuckers. The whole club helped bring them down. We ended the whole damn club. Didn't leave one cunt, old lady, or even club whore alive. I know we said we didn't kill women. We don't as a rule, but Apollo, the clubs then Prez, wanted them all gone so not one fuck associated with the place could come after us looking for revenge.
We swept through that fuckin' clubhouse like a hurricane. Broke bones, ribs, heads, just because we could.
Who gives a fuck if we toyed with our prey before we killed 'em?
I found the cunts that bragged how they offed my parent's. I made them pay in ways you couldn't imagine. Fuck, it doesn't bear thinking about. I'd never before or since that day cut a man to literal shreds before. But I fuckin' did that day, I tore the face off one of them.
That was the day the Snakes doused the place in gasoline and Shepard handed me a box of matches. Told me to torch the place. That he was giving me the honor of fully avenging my parent's. Also told me a man never torches a place with his lighter, you could drop it and that's how a man gets caught.
I struck a match and lit the place up, then stood back and watched it burn for a few seconds. Only a few seconds because Apollo had given us all the order beforehand not to hang around, ride away from there and back to the safe house.
Seems the women of this MC spend half their fuckin' lives in that damn house.
“Get to your posts. Report to me as soon as you see anythin' you shouldn't be seein'. These cocksuckers are just the kind of cunts to start somethin' out of nowhere. Just remember to stay in pairs. There's always strength in numbers. Hammer. I want you to stay behind for a minute.”
I nod as the others leave the room with curious looks on their faces.
“Everythin' all right, Prez?”
His eyes are cold steal boring into me. “Did you think I wouldn't find out?” I fuckin' knew it. Christ! “You think you can do anything in this town without me finding out within seconds of it happening?!”
“I know you're pissed...”
“You ain't seen pissed yet, boy!”
I'm taller than Shepard. Hell, I'm taller than most men in this club, in this town. I'm well over six-four, built like a bear and twice as grizzly. I think that's why he's standing almost in front of my seat, arms folded over his chest, staring down at me. Even seated, I ain't much shorter than him.
“You take my little girl. My fragile little girl, claim her, brand her, and you didn't think to come to me about it first? After everythin', she's been through, what you've both been through... She’s not a replacement for Cindy!”
Fuckin' bastard!
“I won't let you use my daughter, Hammer. I know she was close to Cindy, but this is fuckin' sick!”
I'm done.
Oh, trust me, I ain't the kind of man you fuckin' yell in the face of. I don't give two fuckin' shits who you are, I will kill you!
I'm on my feet in front of him. I owe this man a helluva lot. I have as much respect for him as I had for my father. But I won't let him stand here and tell me that I'm with Willow only because I want to somehow be close to Cindy. If that's all I wanted, I would have claimed her long ago!
“Don't you dare stand there and tell me what I feel for Willow is nothing more than wantin' Cindy back somehow! Do you have any fuckin' idea how long I've tortured myself over this? Over what I feel for Willow?
“I've spent months telling myself that I'm no good for her, that she's better off without someone like me. You have no fuckin' idea what it did to me watching that bastard cut her throat. Holding on, trying with all my fuckin' mite to keep her alive!”
“So, you're with her because you think it's your duty to do so? This isn't a game, Hammer!”
“No! No, it isn't a game. This is my life, Willow's life. I love her, Prez.” He huffs. He can fuckin' dance the jig of fuckin' death for all I care. It won't change the fact Willow is mine, nor will it change the fact I love her.
“I'm not givin' her up. You can order me to, tell me I'll lose my club, the only fuckin' family I have ever known. But I will not walk away from her. I almost lost her, Prez. Wasn't till that moment I knew what I'd been feeling for her was love. It fuckin' terrified me. I stayed away from her because I thought it would be for the best. It would keep her safe if she was nowhere near me. But I can't anymore. I just can't. She's everything to me.”
“That's all well and good, Hammer, but what happens in a months time, a year when you realize you've made a mistake? Where the hell will that leave my little girl then?”
He's really pissed about this. This can go one of two ways. Either he supports this, or, he tells me to unclaim her. If he does that, I don't know what I'll do. This club is all I know. But I can't be without Willow now. I haven't felt this alive in years.
“It won't happen, Prez. I don't know what I have to do to prove it to you, but tell me and I'll do it. Because I love her. I really do. This isn't about Cindy. Yes, we both lost her, and it destroyed us both in ways most won't and can't understand. But losing her brought us together, Prez. If I have to beg you not to make me chose between this club and the woman I love, I'll do it.”
He says nothing for a long time. I'm not sure if he's actually thinking about it or something else. But he's looking me dead in the eye, fire burning in his.
Does he honestly believe I only want Willow because Cindy is dead?
Fuck, that ain't the case!
“Get to your post, Hammer. We don't have time for this right now.”
“Once I'm done for the night, I'm going back to the house. Back to Willow. And I will continue to be with her until you tell me otherwise.”
“Just go, Hammer.”
I'll go all right. I'll do my job, then I'm going home to the woman I love. Fuck what this man thinks. Fuck what anyone thinks!
Chapter Ten
Willow
Being with Hammer has been good so far. Okay, it's only been a couple days, but I know we're going to have an amazing life together. I don't doubt it for one second.
Mom and I are having a talk. It's hard at first, I feel like she's disappointed in me. And it hurts because my mother is the last person in the world I would hurt. My mother is my world, she gave up everything for me. Her childhood, her education, her family.
That's not entirely true. Mom told me she was fifteen when her parents threw her out. She was already p
regnant with me and went to live with my birth father. I often wonder why his family never said anything about the fact he got a child pregnant, and why the hell my mother's parent's never had him prosecuted instead of throwing her away like she was nothing. When I finally asked her why, she just smiled and told me some people are like that, they don't mind the taboo of it all.
That just made me sick. What kind of people would allow something like that? She was fifteen! A child! He was a grown man who should have known better.
I don't care that she willing slept with him, he obviously twisted her mind to make her think it was okay for them to be together. She should have been protected. Her parents should have done something to get her away from that man before she ended up pregnant, her life ruined.
It doesn't matter how many times over the years she told me how she wanted me, that she has never once regretted having me, that she could have gone back to school if that's really what she wanted. I have to wonder if all of this was truly enough for her.
She's never acted as if it isn't, and she's definitely never said it isn't. She always has a smile on her face, always there for all of us whenever we need her. But I know the hell my poor mother faced as a young girl with a child of her own. That pig she was with treated her like dirt the whole time they were together.
She never wanted to tell me what kind of man he really was, the man who beat and abused her. But she was very drunk one night after the summer hog roast at the club three years ago. Dad was drinking with the boys, my brother was telling crazy stories that made everyone roar with laughter. My sister hadn't come home at that point, but Dad was laughing along with them all.
I told Dad I'd help Mom to bed. She was so drunk. Only because I told her to let her hair down, that I'd take care of the kids for her. She was laughing and having fun, but as soon as I helped her to her room, she sat down on her bed and burst out crying. I couldn't calm her down. I wanted to get my dad because he's the only one who can soothe her when she's upset like that. But she wouldn't let me, she only wanted me with her.