She refocused and searched online for possible jobs, brainstorming ideas on paper as she went. Hours passed and she fed and bathed Luke, reading to him. Then dined herself.
Javier still didn’t return.
She curled up in one of the large cosy armchairs in the library and chose a movie to watch. She was behind on all the latest releases and Javier had subscriptions to all the streaming services.
‘Emmy?’
She stirred. The room was in darkness; the sound on the television had been lowered. She must’ve fallen asleep in front of the movie. Javier was standing a short distance away. Wearing only boxers and a tee, he’d apparently just showered. She sat up, embarrassed that he’d caught her. But at the same time, her mouth dried. He was so gorgeous.
‘Have you eaten?’ he asked.
‘Thanks, yes.’ She unfolded her legs and ran her hands down her thighs. ‘I got a delivery from the Italian on that list you left. It was delicious.’
‘Good.’ His reply seemed distant. ‘Look—’ he ran his hand through his hair, his expression grim ‘—I know we’ve only been back one day, but I have to take an overnight trip to Miami tomorrow. I thought we’d all go.’
Emmy stilled. His work schedule was going to be challenging for her to find something of her own. Did he really want her to go too? ‘If that’s what you want.’
Silence stretched. In the semi-darkness she couldn’t read his eyes.
‘I’m sorry I was home later than I’d wanted to be.’ He rubbed his arm and took a step closer to her. ‘I’ve checked on Luke. He’s fast asleep.’ His lips suddenly curved, softening the seriousness in his stance. ‘You were too. But you need to be somewhere more comfortable.’
She didn’t reply as he took her hands in his and tugged her to her feet. He didn’t say anything more as he led her to his bedroom and that huge bed. He’d turned the covers down already. She sank into the soft linen, too tired to resist her own desires. She wanted the pleasure he gave her. She couldn’t deny herself, despite that growing warning within. And in seconds that alarm was silenced anyway—drowned in the physical delight washing through her. And Javier’s mouth and hands were as hungry and as desperate as her own. It was as if they were both determined to keep too busy and keep mouths too full to let secrets slip.
CHAPTER TWELVE
‘THOMAS HAS LUKE,’ Javier muttered when she stirred as he left the bed early the next morning. ‘Sleep in while you can. I’ll be back this afternoon to take us to the airport.’
Sleeping in was an impossibility but Emmy didn’t reply. When he’d gone she rolled onto her back and stared at the ceiling, hardening her resolve. They’d spent the night attempting to satiate that physical desire with a lengthy, wordless expression of pure lust. But the playful, passionate element of that night at the gala had gotten lost somewhere along the way. Last night had felt more desperate, more frantic—to her at least. And she had been desperate to hold back how she really felt. Her heart ached, but she knew she couldn’t hold back the truth in those moments of intimacy again. She would end up telling him how she felt.
And that would be terrible. That would be an exposure worse than any. Worse than the fear of people finding out and judging her for her family’s actions. She would be so vulnerable. Because she knew—absolutely—that what she felt for Javier was not reciprocated by him.
He’d told her, quite openly, right from the start—even that first night on the beach—he didn’t want a long-term lover. He didn’t want a wife. He didn’t want a real relationship with her. He believed, not in love, but in chemistry. And in his world, that chemistry would all be used up soon enough.
But he’d not really told her why. He’d mentioned his father, his mother’s remarriage. But he’d not talked to her about how that had all really felt. He’d been almost glib and joked it off before changing the subject as quickly as possible. He’d not wanted to open up to her.
And wasn’t that fair enough?
Except she’d opened up to him. She’d told him of her shame of her family, of her own mistakes, of her own choices. And he’d accepted her.
But he wouldn’t allow her to do the same for him. He didn’t want to the same way she did.
So she now had to accept that.
Suddenly this Miami trip was a saviour. It was her opportunity to take the time she needed to clear her head and make the move she needed to make. She knew Javier could offer Luke everything and he’d begun to love Luke as much as anyone could. He’d become a wonderful father who wanted to be there for his son.
Emmy couldn’t ask anything more of him than that. He didn’t have to love her too.
Her problem was she was in love with him. It had snuck up on her so quickly and it was so much more than that wickedly wonderful passion they shared. He was gorgeous—strong and fit. But he was also funny and loyal and intelligent and special. But it was her problem and hers alone. She couldn’t let it negatively impact on Luke. Or on Javier.
But she needed time to process and move past her disappointment and heartbreak. She could work out a plan that she could live with long term given the time and space to do that. Because she couldn’t continue this as it currently was. She couldn’t live this close with him not actually wanting her in the same way. She couldn’t keep giving of herself, couldn’t fall deeper and deeper still with every kiss, with every conversation...
And she needed to face the reality of her future with Javier as a loving, active parent in Luke’s life. She needed to let Javier take him, to face time apart from them both and get used to being on her own for periods of time. Because even if she and Javier were really together as a couple, that would happen at times. They wouldn’t all be able to travel together always. So she needed to start now and deal with it. And she could do that. For Luke. For Javier. And for herself.
Fortunately Javier Torres wasn’t the only one who could make swift plans. Emmy too knew how to get things done. She had years of survival behind her. She could handle this.
‘Can you take Luke down to the car, please, Thomas?’ Emmy asked the nanny when Javier arrived in the early afternoon as he’d said he would. ‘Javier and I just need a moment first.’
She saw the questioning look Javier shot her, but he said nothing while Thomas and Luke were still present. Emmy kissed her son’s head and indulged in a tiny extra-tight squeeze before handing her most precious bundle to the hyper-efficient, affable nanny.
‘What’s up?’ Javier asked once the elevator door had slid shut.
Emmy locked her knees to try to combat the stupidly nervous tremble within. ‘I’m not coming with you.’
Javier cocked his head, his gaze sharpening. ‘You what?’
‘I’m not coming with you to Miami.’ She cleared her throat and spoke more forcefully. ‘I don’t want to.’
‘And you decide to announce this now, when we’re all packed and Thomas and Luke are already in the car?’
‘It makes no difference to you whether I come or not.’
‘On the contrary, it makes a very great difference to me.’ He actually smiled at her.
Seriously? Was he reducing this moment to sex? Another distraction in the form of a joke? She stared back at him sombrely; well, that would be right—that was all this was to him.
His smile faded. ‘Emmy—’
‘I’m not going,’ she said in a low voice. ‘You go. Take Luke.’ She blinked back the appalling storm of hot tears that threatened to spill.
For a split second his jaw slackened. ‘Why? What’s wrong?’ He lifted his head sharply. ‘What are you going to do while we’re gone? Will you be here when we get back?’
With one doubting question he sliced away the last stable ground from beneath her feet.
‘Did you really need to ask that?’ She stared at him, hurt. ‘And you say I expect the worst from people?’ She crossed her arms in front o
f her chest, holding herself tightly. ‘You do too, Javier. You expect it from me. You don’t trust me. I don’t think you ever have.’
‘That’s not what I meant.’ He jerked his arm to the side and drew in a deep breath. ‘Is it because you’re tired?’ he asked in a determinedly reasonable tone. ‘Because I can reschedule. I’ll fly early in the morning and back late tomorrow night. Then neither of you need accompany me.’
His offer of an alternative hurt her even more. Because he was trying, he wanted to do what was ‘right’. But that wasn’t enough for her needs. Because he was still holding his own truths out on her.