His lips twitched but he didn’t reply.
‘Nothing to say?’ She wrapped her arms around her waist, hunching on the sofa.
‘We have more important things to argue about.’ He shrugged.
That was true, but he was good at avoiding those conversations, wasn’t he?
‘There’s no mistake here, Emmy,’ he said with that cool confidence. ‘There’s only what feels good. Why wouldn’t you want to feel that again?’ He watched her for another moment and his smile faded. ‘You’re tired.’ He reached out and stroked her hair. ‘So tired. Right?’
His statement stripped the facade from her and suddenly she couldn’t move for exhaustion. All the adrenalin from the last twenty-four hours evaporated, leaving her utterly lacking in energy. He stood and stepped away from her. Regret stabbed but that tiredness swamped it out.
‘Look, I’m sorry.’ He glanced back at her and sighed. ‘Just rest here for a bit. Thomas and I will take care of Luke. I won’t...’ He trailed off and rubbed in the region of his lowest rib. ‘Just relax. You can now.’
CHAPTER FOUR
SHE’D BEEN ASLEEP for hours.
Javier paced quietly in the shaded part of the deck, holding Luke close to keep him calm. The child had woken a little while ago and, having had a drink, was now happy to be held and quietly talked to. Though admittedly Javier was running out of things to say. He’d walked around pointing out features of the boat, feeling a fool to think a nine-month-old could ever understand. But he had no clue what else to do and he had to start somewhere.
Javier shot Emmy another worried glance. She was too quiet and still. Protectiveness swept over him. Not just towards the small, sleepy child in his arms, but to that woman lying on the plush sofa. He’d never seen her like this. Peaceful, heart-seizingly beautiful, but vulnerable. She left him breathless.
At least she had more colour in her cheeks now. When he’d first walked into that small shop, she’d paled so quickly he’d wondered if she were about to faint. He’d been stunned that she’d been afraid of him. But of course she’d been terrified, given the massive secret she’d kept from him. And frankly, forgiving her for that was a struggle. He’d missed out on much that he couldn’t recover.
Anger mixed with regret and that rush of raw, undeniable lust—the one he was constantly fighting. It had struck him sledgehammer-style all those months ago when she’d walked out of the sea like some siren temptation—all hips and breasts and bold, bold curves, fiery hair and gleaming skin. She’d been irresistible and the desire to make her his had been fierce. He’d busted out every ounce of charm he could muster because he’d wanted her so hard. The flare between them had gone so much further, so much faster than he’d anticipated. But his success had also been certain, because he’d seen it in her eyes too—they’d mirrored his own startled fascination. A flicker of electricity had bound them, drawing them closer together.
It had irked that she’d left before saying goodbye and without leaving him any way of contacting her. But he’d been at fault too, arrogantly failing to tell her his true name.
It hadn’t crossed his mind that she’d been working on the islands and that he could’ve found her again easily. At the time he’d been sure she was a tourist and she’d not said anything to contradict the idea. Truthfully they’d not said all that much of meaning. There’d been flirtation and fun and, beneath, the simmering recognition of mutual attraction and unstoppable desire. Though then there’d been a startling confession—of her inexperience. She’d laughed as she’d admitted it—a bubbling sound of surprise, surrender and pure amusement, and the most primal wave of satisfaction had sunk his reason and he’d vowed to please her. There’d been nothing after that but heated magic—every touch better than the promise they’d both felt. And all he wanted now—the one thought consuming him—was to do it again.
But now it was complicated. He rolled his shoulders, irritated by his own changeability. Seeming to sense Javier’s tension, Luke rubbed his face with his little hand, his expression crumpling.
‘Mamá’s just over there,’ Javier awkwardly tried to reassure him with a soft whisper. ‘See? She’s resting.’
She stirred and Javier stilled, watching as she blinked, then she suddenly sat up, her blue eyes wide.
‘It’s okay,’ Javier said huskily. ‘He’s here. I’ve got him.’
Her arms lifted automatically and Javier walked over. Emmy cradled the baby against her soft curves. Her cheeks flushed fractionally more and the gentlest of smiles lit her from within.
Javier stared down at them both, unable to step back. After a moment she looked up at him. Her eyes were dreamy blue now she had her child. But as they regarded each other in solemn silence, wariness stole into them and then that altogether different tension twisted again. All he wanted to do was kiss her again.
‘You must be hungry.’ He forced himself to speak but it emerged as a hoarse mutter.
She nodded, her gaze dropping. He made himself turn and message the staff, cursing his own weakness.
When he turned back, she’d settled Luke more comfortably on her knee and was looking across the water. ‘The engines have stopped. Where are we?’
‘Just off the coast of Pinta.’
‘This is Pinta?’
He was surprised that she didn’t recognise it. ‘You’ve not been here?’
She shook her head.
‘But you’ve been living on the islands for...’
‘Just over two years.’ She shrugged. ‘I’ve been working.’
‘Then perhaps it’s time to take a break.’ He sat in the deckchair across from the plush sofa she’d slept on, determinedly maintaining distance and respect.
That wariness returned to her eyes. She was right to be cautious, because he was faking being friendly. As if he were some really good guy who wanted to do right by the woman he’d seduced and the baby she’d then had?
If she only knew what was really going through his mind. Here she was, exhausted from caring for their son for months all by herself and all he could think about was how badly he wanted to tumble her back into bed.
He made himself look at his son and it was a good move, because that awkward feeling returned. He had no clue how to become a father. It was partly why he’d wanted a nanny on board so soon, so he had an expert on hand as well as someone to lift a bit of that load from Emerald. Because he sure as hell couldn’t do that yet. He wasn’t sure he’d ever be able to.
And he needed to know more about her. Now he’d had a chance to think, he wondered what she’d meant about people judging her the second they learned her name? What was it that had made her afraid to seek him out even for financial support for Luke when she clearly desperately needed it? What was she hiding? Because there had to be something and it had to be big.
‘What were you going to tell him when he asked?’ he tried to ask mildly.
Emmy shifted on the sofa, startled by the raw edge to Javier’s question.
‘He would have asked eventually,’ he added. ‘He’d meet other children with involved fathers. He would’ve wanted to know about his. So what were you planning to tell him?’
Emmy’s heart ached as she read that banked emotion in Javier’s eyes and heard the husky edge—as if these were questions he hated having to ask. ‘I don’t know,’ she confessed. ‘I was avoiding thinking about it.’
She’d told herself that she could be enough on her own. But not to tell Luke about Javier wouldn’t have been fair in the long run. And not finding out if Javier was interested in being involved had been wrong. She should have given him the option, but fear had
governed her and somehow she had to explain that to him without telling him everything. Because even though he was trying hard now, she had too much to lose to trust him completely.
‘I know I should have contacted you as soon as I knew who you were, but I was so tired and I was just...’
‘Furious because you thought I’d lied to you deliberately?’ He filled in after her long silence. ‘Because I had some bad reason for hiding my identity?’
She had known he’d lied and that had hurt. But it wasn’t only that that had thrown her. It was the discovery of his status and wealth. A surfing tourist she could have handled. But she couldn’t compete with what he could offer. She’d been terrified.
‘Actually...’ she strove for a measure of truth ‘...I wanted to succeed on my own,’ she admitted awkwardly. ‘I didn’t want anything—not just from you, but from anyone. I was so sick of...’ She shook her head, hating having to confess this and unable to articulate it properly. ‘I decided I could manage. Luke would be mine and I would be his and we wouldn’t need anyone else. I never wanted us to need anyone else. I thought—hoped—that I could be enough for him and that I could do a good job.’ To her total mortification, tears spiked on her eyelashes and she furiously blinked them away. ‘I didn’t want you accusing me of trapping you. Everyone always thinks the worst. The things a couple of people said when they found out I was pregnant... One actually insinuated he was Lucero’s baby because I’d named him after him. So I wanted to prove that I could do this on my own. I think I lost perspective.’ She drew in a shaking breath. ‘But that wasn’t fair on Luke and it wasn’t fair on you and I’m sorry.’
He was silent for a long moment.
‘I accept your apology,’ he said formally. ‘And I’m sorry I lied that night. I have no real excuse other than I just wanted a night off from being me. I’m sorry I didn’t try harder to track you down when I came back. I’m sorry you’ve been doing this alone all this time.’ He stepped closer. ‘And I’m sorry I made you feel like you were being judged, or that I was patronising you when I brought in that doctor. But I’m not patronising you now. I’m just being honest. Luke is an amazing little boy and that’s all because of you.’