“I’ll get my things. I’ll call you when I get to the hotel.”
“You do that. And I’ll book the flights. Just one thing.”
“Yes.”
“You’re not a bad person. Don’t you ever think that okay?” Easy for her to say; she doesn’t know that not only did I sleep with my stepdad, but with my stepbrother too. That I pretty much seduced them. I shake my head about the fact that I’ve crossed a line. One that I can’t go back on, and I don’t even know why or how it happened. If I panic any more, then she’ll worry. Something that I don’t want her to do. I’m getting out of here, that’s all that matters now.
“Sure.”
“Good, see you soon.”
I hang up the phone feeling relieved that at least I’m getting out of here. I don’t know what’s worse: the fact that I slept with them both or the way that Daniel made me feel when it was clear that I’d been with Colt.
I sit down on a park bench and try to calm down. I can’t drive in my condition, and I watch as others walk by, getting ready to enjoy Friday night. The same way that I would under any other circumstances. Not tonight. I know that I will be in New York soon and then I would party. For now, I hope that Colt went home and realized that I wasn’t there and left to go wherever he had been for the last few days.
And as for Daniel Morgan…my stepfather is good at disappearing. I hope that he can do that for one night. That’s the least he could do after the way he behaved tonight. I feel like shit, not because he slept with me, but because I always thought of him as being the gentleman and Colt being the jerk. Now I know that it was the other way around. I wish that I had never slept with Daniel in the first place.
***Instead of going back to the house, I curl up in the fetal position and go to sleep. I’ve never done something like this before. I had two choices: to go to a hotel wearing a dress like this with no luggage or stay in the house one night. I didn’t feel like doing either of them. Going to a hotel would probably mean that the staff would think that I’m some kind of hooker or something. But really, at this point, I have two words. Fuck off.
I honestly don’t care what people think.
I sent Sandra a message telling her not to book the flights. She called me a million times after that, so I just turned the phone off. I had no time to explain to her when I couldn’t even figure out what was wrong in the first place.
What was stopping me from leaving?***“Hey, you’re in my spot. Get your own spot.”
I open my eyes and realize that it’s morning.
I fell asleep on the park bench.
I don’t even know how long I was on the bench. I was slipping in and out of consciousness as I realized that no matter how many times I rethought Plan A, to go and get my things and stay in a hotel and then get a flight to New York, it was something that my body didn’t want to do. It just wanted to stay here, but then I couldn’t take both Daniel and Colt fighting one more time. I didn’t even know if I could handle Daniel by himself. The guy has issues; the way he spoke to me as if I’m some kind of trash really got to me. After all, he was indirectly calling me a whore.
What happened to him?
He was the one that made me feel like a woman and then ran out of the bed as if what we had done was wrong. After Zach, I’d decided that I wouldn’t give my heart away like that again. Not that Zach had my heart after all it turns out; I got over him in a heartbeat, but I’m out to enjoy myself. And God, do I enjoy myself whenever I’m with Colt. I’m not going to feel guilty for it. Especially after the way Daniel behaved, he’s worse than a child.
“Did you hear me?”
A woman with a cart’s prodding me as if I’m a piece of meat. She’s trying to get me to move from her spot. I feel like telling her that I’m not ready to leave, after all I never saw her name on it.
“Go and get your own spot!”
She’s shouting at me to move and people are staring at us. I know that they’ll all start saying the same thing to me. That I’m violating the hobo’s space and I need to go home. Or wherever I belong.
I stand up, not feeling like going anywhere right now. I don’t want to go to the house and face the two men that are driving me insane at the moment. I just can’t take the risk, especially when I didn’t know my own mind.