“Except for sex with you. I’d always choose that first.”
I grinned, moving closer to her. “Right.”
“Six times.”
“What?”
“You’re an alien sex god.”
“We’re getting off topic.”
“Just saying,” she said against my thumb.
I leaned closer and closer. She was almost looking up at me.
“You just proved all three of my reasons.”
“Those were good reasons. I’ll give that to you.”
Jesus. Everything in me was softening for this girl.
I said, my head angling more over hers, “I love you because you’re the strongest person I know. All the shit you’ve had to endure, and you keep going. You will keep going, no matter what happens. Your reasons for not marrying me or having children with me, they’re bullshit. Ask me how I know they’re bullshit.”
I waited.
Pain flared in her gaze, and she tried to look away from me.
“Ask me.”
“I can’t.” Her lip started trembling.
I moved so my forehead was resting against hers. “Because if something happened to Natalie and Deek, you’d be the first in line to take Hunter in. If you got a call that someone’s mother died from an overdose and they needed a place to stay, you’d offer yours in a heartbeat.”
More tears fell. Her eyes were closed, and her entire body was shaking.
I kept on. “You’d take that child in, and you’d love that child with everything in you. You would deal, because that’s what you do. You deal and you keep moving forward, and you try to love everyone on the way. Because that’s how you are, and if you really want to know, I’d be fucking lucky to have you as a wife, and I’d be the wealthiest man in the world if you ever decide to give me a child. I’m not talking money. I’m talking life. You would be giving me life. So, when I see you and I hear you say that shit about yourself, it kills me inside because it’s the opposite of how I see you. The opposite, Cheyenne. I love you because you’re you. You open your arms, your heart, and you let people see you. So many people hide, but you don’t. You’re you, and I respect the fuck out of that.”
Now she opened her eyes.
Now she looked up at me.
Now she let me see her.
I smiled down at her, both hands cupping her face, and I ran both my thumbs over her cheeks, wiping away the tears that shouldn’t be there in the first place. “There she is. I see you.”
Her hands lifted to wrap around my wrists. She whispered, “Cut?”
“Yeah?”
“I love you, too.”
I smirked. “I know.”
She laughed, but then I was kissing her.52CheyenneI was raw when we got to my place, but I was better.
The storm of emotions had passed. Something synced when Cut was telling me all the reasons why he loved me. I would never understand it, but I felt whole. I felt like something fell into place, and instead of feeling disjointed from myself, I could feel myself. I felt my emotions. I understood my emotions.
That had never happened to me before, and drawing in a breath, I actually felt stronger after one of my freak-outs. Like what he said was the truth, that I would deal because that’s just how I was.
I growled to myself because fuck yeah, he was right.
I wasn’t no weak sauce.
My head was swimming with so many different thoughts, but not this time. This time I was going to be driving my own bus, not my freaking brain. I shut it down. One thought after another. I was using all my cognitive coping exercises that I learned in therapy, and by damn, it was going to work. And I would go back to that event tonight. I would see Natalie. I would march up to Natalie, and I’d hug her.
I’d hug the crap out of Hunter’s mom, and I’d enjoy it.
Actually, I might not enjoy it, but I’d still do it.
Why was I going to hug her again?
The door buzzed and Cut asked me, heading over to it from the kitchen, “You expecting anyone?”
I was thinking, thinking—my girls!
“Melanie and Sasha were going to come over.”
He hit the buzzer and unlocked the door for them. “You want me to get rid of them?”
“No. I’m good.” I smiled at him. “They’re my homies.”
“Yeah, yeah.” He was grinning as he came over and brushed me with a kiss right as the door burst open.
“HOLY FUCKING OF ALL FUCKS, Cheyenne!”
Melanie marched inside, holding a carrier of coffee, a humongous bag, and she was brandishing her phone in the air. “You’re on the fucking first page of KC’s Dirty Rag.”
Cut’s head went back and a deep groan came from him. “Fuck.”
“Hey.” Melanie was grinning. “That’s my word.”
He grunted, grimacing as he pulled out his phone. “Yeah. Well. You’re sharing tonight. Fuck.”
Melanie ignored him, coming to me and she showed me her phone. “Front and center. I don’t know where you guys were, but there’s a hella lot of pictures on social media. Were you doing soft porn somewhere?”