Dante sighs again. This is difficult for him. Tess and Oliver are a secret he’s worked hard to keep. If only she hadn’t turned up at the hotel like that, they’d be in the clinic now getting Sash’s virginity back.
“Honestly?” Dante asks, and the ridiculousness of it almost makes Sash laugh.
“Don’t lie to me, Dante”, Sash says, “I was this close to flying straight back to New York. I still haven’t decided whether I’m going to do it or not. As far as I was concerned this morning, we were over. Now you have to prove to me I can trust you again. Don’t fucking lie to me ever again, I mean it.”
“I didn’t think you’d understand if I told you about Oliver”, Dante says. “I thought you’d react like this.”
“How did you expect me to react if not like this?” Sash says. “Do you think I should be over the moon for you?”
“No, of course not. I didn’t tell you because I was scared of losing you”, Dante says.
“Scared of losing me? Since when have you been scared of losing me? I was always there for you, Dante, always”, Sash says. “I wasn’t the one who disappeared into the ether three years ago.”
Now it’s Dante’s turn to look at the mud on the ground.
“I made a mistake”, Dante says. “I’ve thought about it everyday.”
“It’s not the only one either”, Sash says.
“Sash, please, I’m trying to make it up to you. I’m trying to do the right thing for us both. I’m trying to show you how much you mean to me. I want to make this work.”
“When are you going to stop being such an ass-hole?” Sash says, shaking her head again in disbelief at the idiocy of her stepbrother.
“I’m working on it”, he says. “The hotel, the credit card, the presents.”
“It means nothing if I don’t have you.”
“You have me, Sash, when are you going to realize that? You have me.”
“When are you going to show me?”
“I thought I was.”
“Rules, Dante”, Sash says, reaching out for him this time. “No secrets, especially something this big.”
“No secrets”, Dante repeats. “I promise.”
Sash sighs. In his lap she grips his hand, interlocking her fingers with his.
“No running away.”
“No running away”, Dante repeats.
“No fucking other girls”, Sash says.
“Sash, seriously.”
Dante lifts her chin with his index finger. It takes her a while to look at him directly, embarrassed by the floods of tears that don’t seem to want to stop coming.
“When you came back to me, it was something I thought would never happen. I’ve never wanted something so much in my life. The first time I didn’t realize how strongly I felt about you, but when you came back, it was like everything fell into place. I didn’t come to you in that time because I needed to know you had forgiven me. I needed to know that you wanted me. Sash, when I saw you again, I knew we had to be together. I mean that. You are the most incredible person I have ever met and I need you. There is no one else. No one even close. I love you, Sash.”
“Do you mean it?” Sash says, butterflies returning to her belly.
“Of course I mean it. I wouldn’t be here if I didn’t mean it. I’m here Sash, I’ve just spent two hundred dollars in taxi fares and walked over the city for the last two hours. I called you like a hundred times.”
“Thirteen”, Sash says, her eyes lighting up just a little.
“The point is, I’m not with Tess, I’m not with any other girls, I’m with you. I love you, Sash. I always have, I just didn’t realize it quick enough the first time around.”
“You’re a jerk.”
“I know I am”, Dante says, “I should have told you.”
“About Oliver, or that you love me?”
“Both.”
Sash can’t help but feel a hollow in her stomach when she thinks about his boy. She can’t help but feel some divine right has been taken away from her. That what she believes she’s carrying will pale in comparison to what he already has.
“I wish you’d told me”, she says.
She moves her eyes across Dante’s face. The fullness of his lips, the definition of his cheekbones, the perfect way his hair falls at the side of his head. Even when she’s furious with him, she can’t help but find him attractive.
“I love you too”, Sash says. “Sometimes I wish I didn’t, but I do.”
“Will you come back with me?” Dante asks.
Now Sash lets out a sigh.
“Are you going to hurt me again?” she says.
“I hope not”, Dante says.
“You are the only one who can decide that”, Sash says. “If I come back with you, you need to promise me you’ll take responsibility. I’m serious, Dante, if we are going to be together, you need to act like it.”
Sash pauses a while to prepare herself. She takes Dante’s hands and looks him in the eye.
“I don’t want us to be secret anymore”, she
says.
“Sash”, Dante reasons. “You know we-”
“I mean it”, Sash says. “You need to prove to me that I’m the most important thing in your life. More than your work, or your reputation.”
“Look, if anyone found out about us, I’d be ruined.”
“I don’t care, and nor should you.”
“Sash, be reasonable, there’s a lot at stake here. We’re stepbrother and stepsister, they hang people like us in Texas.”
“I can’t do this, Dante, not unless I know for sure. I’ve been hurt too much already.”
“I’m telling you, Sash, isn’t that enough?”
“No”, Sash says, shaking her head. “Not any more it isn’t.”
Dante sighs. His business or his stepsister? “Lets go back to the hotel and talk about it”, he says eventually.
“Uh-uh”, Sash says. “I’m not going anywhere until you promise me.”
“You really want to do this, Sash? I’m sorry I didn’t tell you about Oliver, but I was going to do it eventually, when our relationship was stable enough for you to understand. Don’t punish us both for a mistake I’ve made. If the press know about us, every single aspect of our life will be under scrutiny. They will not leave us alone and we’ll have no privacy. You want us to have a relationship, the kind of relationship you have always dreamed about? We can only do that if we don’t tell anyone we are together. This isn’t a question of me not demonstrating how important you are to me by keeping you secret, it’s a question of me keeping our relationship private so I can demonstrate to you exactly how important you are to me. We tell anyone, we are as good as over. They’ll tear us apart. After that, forget about having any freedom. You’ll be lucky if your friends still talk to you, let alone your own family. You want to make a new life somewhere nobody knows us? Fine. I for one don’t want to lose that unnecessarily.”
Dante stands up. “Where are you going?” Sash asks, suddenly worried he’s going to leave her again.
“I love you, Sash, but nobody else needs to know that except you. Don’t ruin what we have, please.”
Sash doesn’t know what to say. She feels like the balance of power has just titled in Dante’s favor, and she isn’t quite sure how.