Sash moans lightly as he moves towards the patch of skin above, that forms the meeting point of her breast bone and clavicle, and in there, where the dimpled hole disappears into a dark shadow, he leaves a series of secrets that Sash hopes will bind their forbidden love forever.
Sash tilts her head back, the sensation all too exquisite to bear. She lifts his head up and kisses him. A long, passionate, necessary kiss of lips and tongues and bites and smiles that neither of them wants to break. Afterwards, when they feel like they’ve caught up just enough for now, she makes him kick his legs out and lie on top of her, so his weight pushes her into the mattress. Like this they tessellate.
This is her stepbrother, her forbidden taboo. They are not meant to be together, but here they are again, sharing the same bed, sharing the same desires and the same wonderful conclusion. Her mind is filled with doubt, and a million unanswered questions, but as she feels the wonderful contentment of sleep begin to pull her under, she’s more than happy to enjoy what she knows she definitely has now, and leave the rest to deal with in the morning.
As she turns, she makes sure Dante turns with her, his cock already hardening again against her leg.
“Slowly this time”, she says. “I’m still mad at you for what you did.”
Dante trails the tips of his fingers over the length of Sash’s torso, from her outer thigh up to her shoulder.
“I’ll make it up to you”, Dante says. “I promise.”
“Fuck me until I fall asleep in your arms”, Sash whispers, “and then we’ll talk about how you can make it up to me tomorrow. Remember you’re already three years in debt.”
“Ok”, Dante agrees, closing in on her hungrily.
“And this one”, Sash is careful to add, as she draws her knees up to her chest. “This one you get for free.”
Chapter 7
The knock on the front door rouses her slowly from a deep and restful sleep, the sound belonging for a confusing moment to the cloudiness of her dream. When she realizes it’s not going to go away, she forces herself awake. There is a moment of dawning realization, before the memory of last night comes back to her and she knows something is wrong. Turning quickly, she sees the bed is empty next to her. Dante has gone.
“No”, she says. “no, no, no,no, not this time.”
She looks under the bed, around it, in the shower, but he’s not there.
“Fuck”, she says, cursing her stupidity. Where the fuck is he? She can’t believe she’s let him in again so easily, only to have him turn around and run out. “Fuck”, she says again, banging her fists on the bed. She can’t believe it. She can’t believe he’s gone. She can’t believe she’s been this stupid.
The knocking continues. Rhythmic taps on the panels of the door that show no sign of going away. Sash gets out of bed and pulls on her clothes. There is nothing else she can do but go on.
Martin presses his nose up to the viewing hole, hoping to catch sight of Sash through the spiraling darkness. When she opens the door quickly, he almost topples forwards into the room.
“Martin”, she says disappointedly, half hoping it would be Dante.
Martin rushes to compose himself, running fat fingers through thinning hair. He’s out of breath too, which is remarkable, considering the short distance he has to travel to get to her flat from his. “Sorry to disturb you”, he says, “I thought you might be sleeping.”
In her haste to get to the door, Sash has forgotten about the mess they made of the living room last night. Realizing it now, she tries as best as she can to block it from view.
“I was”, Sash says.
“Did you have a party last night?” Martin asks, trying desperately to peer round her, as though doing so is part of his remit as a landlord. “I heard noises. Banging. The walls were shaking.”
“There was a cockroach”, Sash lies. “I had to turn the living room upside down to find it.”
“A cockroach?”
“A cockroach. A big ugly cockroach. It got away as well, but when I find him, I’m going to kill him.”
“That’s unusual”, Martin says, not entirely convinced by her story.
“Look, anyway, Martin, how can I help?”
“It’s the end of the week”, he says. “I need the rent money, Sash, otherwise I’m going to have to call the police. “
“You don’t need to call the police”, Sash says. “I’ve got it here.”
“I don’t want to do it, but I’ve got no choice, I’m sure you’ll understand. This is-”
“Just wait there”, Sash says, closing the door on him before he’s even finished his sentence.
Frantically she searches for her coat, finding it eventually by the side of the couch. Expecting to find the money in the hip pocket, she’s confused to find it empty. She checks the other one, but it’s not there either. It’s not in her bag, on the floor to the side, or the million and one other places she rushes around her apartment to search in. She calls Dante’s mobile but it goes straight to his answer phone, and when she phones his office it just rings out.
“Fuck”, she screams.
When she opens the door again, Martin doesn’t look like he’s moved. “Serious now”, he says, finishing the same sentence Sash cut off, as though the movement of the door acted as a pause button.
“I don’t have it”, she says, beginning to cry. “I had it, but I don’t have it now. I’ll get it. I promise I’ll get it, just give me another day or so.”
Suddenly she realizes she’s not hiding the crime scene behind her anymore, and Martin is looking at her, and it, with concern.
“I’m sorry Sash”, he says. “I’ve been more than reasonable.”
“Martin, please”, she says. “Just until the end of the day.”
Martin shakes his head. “No”, he says. “Time’s up Sash. I want you out of here by six. Either you go alone or the police escort you.”
“Martin, please”, Sash cries, but Martin has already begun to shift his immense bulk into a turn. Getting him to come back and change his mind would be like trying to change the course of an oil tanker. She’s fucked.
Back in the apartment, she screams at the top of her voice, kicks one of the fallen paper back books against the far wall and then crumples into the sofa.
“Dante”, she screams out loud, shaking her head in disbelief. “Where the fuck are you?”
She can’t believe it. Not only has he tricked her into fucking him for the very first time, claiming something she would never give him the first time around, he’s taken the money she needed to pay her rent. Fucking ass-hole.
Sash folds herself over so she’s lying down on the couch. With her hand on her belly, she remembers the incredible fuck he gave her last night, that almost brought the whole house down. She remembers the kisses he left on her clavicle, and the delicate way he held her and fucked her to sleep. What she can’t understand is why he’d do that only to then fuck her over again. Did he just want what she couldn’t give him the first time around? Was that it?
Most of all, she remembers the way he came inside her, and the fact that it didn’t even occur to him to ask her whether she was on the pill. Typical fucking Dante. She wonders whether he would have continued anyway if he knew for a fact that she wasn’t. It doesn’t matter now. It could be growing inside her already, and there would be nothing either of them could do to stop it.
Despite the fact he’s fucked her and fucked off, and Sash feels cheated again, she’s certain that if it’s already begun, there is no way he’ll be able to refuse her. The words feel heavy and unfamiliar on her lips.
“Baby”, she says, just to hear them spoken aloud. She shakes them away and feels stupid for saying it. The idea won’t leave her though. She imagines herself confessing them to him, having him hear the words and then holding the thing out to him and getting him take it.
“It isn’t that weird”, she says out loud now. “It wouldn’t be the first time I’ve dreamt it.”