“I have twelve weeks of family leave.”
“Yeah, and then what?” he asks without looking at me.
I blow out a breath and drop my arms. “I’m not trying to be evasive here. I honestly don’t know.” I glance around at the house I love so much. The home I bought with my own money after years of working as an exotic dancer to put myself through college and graduate school.
“I might need to sell my house.” That’s all I’m going to say. When we met, I was financially stable, with a high-salaried political job. In no way do I want to admit I’m drowning in debt with slim prospects of finding another job in my field. At least not in New York.
Instantly, he’s suspicious. He glances up. “Why? You love it here. Even when we were talking about moving in together, you wanted to hang onto this place and rent it out.”
I shrug. “It’s a lot to maintain.”
He narrows his eyes. I’m about as convincing as Chance when he promises not to steal a cookie before dinner.
“Why’d you leave your job anyway?” he asks.
Even though I’d been expecting this, the question blindsides me. I swallow hard and turn away. “I don’t want to talk about it.”
I can’t talk about it.
Thirteen
Z
Lilly’s an impenetrable wall of secrets. Eventually, I’ll break through those walls. I need to if I’m ever going to trust her with our son. The thought of her returning to California had me ready to lose my shit and I barely reigned myself in. But I definitely need to treat her with respect in front of our son.
Even if I do want to fucking choke her every time I look at her.
Or fuck her.
If we’re going to be in each other’s lives for the next sixteen or so years, I need to at least get along with her.
Fuck, I’ve never thought that far ahead in my life.
I drop the questions and concentrate on playing with Chance. He really loves anything with wheels. Not a surprise.
From the kitchen, I hear her emptying the grocery bags I brought back with me. I had no clue what to buy for them. So, I grabbed stuff to make me more comfortable, so I don’t have to feel like I’m eating her out of house and home.
Chance is absorbed in the racetrack we looped under and around the coffee table. I ruffle his hair before standing up. “Be right back.”
He doesn’t even bother looking up. “Otay.”
I’d been hoping Lilly would go change after she got home. Out of her prim little dress that’s been driving me nuts since I first saw her in it this morning. It looks like something a kindergarten teacher would wear. Long, flowing, plaid material covers her legs to right below her knees. The top’s smooth and tight enough to suggest her knock-out figure but not advertise it. Long sleeves and a neckline that doesn’t even hint at her fantastic cleavage has me wanting to rip it the fuck off.
At least she took off the low-heeled shoes that added to the schoolteacher look. Except, she added an apron. So basically, the hottest woman I’ve ever had under me is barefoot, cooking for me and our son in the kitchen, and I can’t do a damn thing about it except stare at her like a moron.
I jam my hands in my pockets and lean against the door frame, hoping to calm the storm raging inside. “Do you want some help?”
She startles. How the fuck didn’t she hear me coming?
A shaky smile plays over her lips and she smooths her hands over the front of her apron. “I’m okay.”
“That’s not what I asked.”
She folds the brown paper grocery bags into thirds and leans over to tuck them into a drawer. Jesus, I want to grab her hips and—
“Z?”
“What?”
“I asked if you mind eating chicken again?”
“No, make whatever you’d normally make for you guys.”
“Oh, well, if that’s the case, you’ve got a lot of chicken nuggets in your future.”
“Bring it on.” I glance at the stuff on the counter. “I didn’t know what else you needed…”
She smiles and picks up the bag of coffee, shaking it at me. “You remembered.”
“Only kind I buy if I can.”
“Because of me?”
I shrug. Although, yeah, it’s a nice morning kick in the balls reminder every morning to sit down with a cup of Death Wish coffee the way I used to do with her on the mornings after I used to spend the night.
“I can’t drink it any more. The caffeine…I had to stop when I was pregnant and now it just gives me the jitters something awful.”
“Sorry.”
“No, it’s okay.” She glances at the stuff again. “I want you to be comfortable here.”
I snort and she shakes her head.
“Sorry, that was probably stupid. You’re probably dying to get back to the clubhouse.”
Anger edges into my voice. I’m sick of her assuming shit about me. “I’m fine.”
Unsure of what else to talk about, I go back to play with Chance. I’m here to get to know him. I already know everything I need to know about her—she’s heartbreak and I’m not getting suckered by her again.
After another calm dinner, that I’ll admit is fun with Chance’s constant chatter and playfulness, Lilly announces that it’s bath time.
Chance opens his mouth to whine, until Lilly produces some bath bomb thing that I guess is a big deal because there’s a toy in it. Then Chance is all about the bath.
Chuckling, I slide open the back door and step onto the deck to call Dex and check on things at Crystal Ball.
“Hey, brother, I was just about to call you,” he answers.
“What’s up?”
“Stella called looking for you earlier.”
“Really?”
I glanced at my phone before but didn’t have any messages from her. If she was looking for me at Crystal Ball, I’m guessing it’s work-related.
“I wasn’t sure what to tell her about, you know, Lilly and everything. So, I said you had the day off.”
I’m sure that went over well. Stella knows I don’t take time off. “Thanks.”
“What are you gonna do about that?”
If anyone else asked, I’d probably tell them to fuck off and mind their own business. But Dex isn’t asking to be a dick.
“No idea yet, bro. We’re not that serious.” The truth of that statement sinks in as soon as the words leave my mouth. I’ve been trying to convince myself otherwise for months, but only because I couldn’t have the woman I actually wanted.
I turn and peer through the glass doors, seeking a glimpse of Lilly or Chance.
A good woman. Children. A family of my own. This is what I’ve been wanting for years.
Too bad it’s all so fucked up and I don’t trust Lilly worth a damn now.
Dex and I go over a few other matters that need my attention. Once I’m convinced he’s got it covered, we hang up.
“Everything all right?” Lilly asks as I step inside.
“Always one emergency or another.”
She snorts softly. “I remember. If it wasn’t dancers fighting over songs or set times, it was unreliable vendors or obnoxious customers.”
“That’s right. Forgot you danced in college.”
She raises an eyebrow. “Really? Here I always figured you thought that was the most interesting thing about me.”
I stop and deliberately run my gaze over her until she blushes and turns away. “Definitely not what interested me about you.”
“What I meant was, the fact that I put myself through school dancing and actually got out.”
“Right.” I respected the hell out of her for that. Over the years, I’d seen very few girls manage to pull that off, no matter how much they talked about it. Lilly’s hot as fuck now. Walking away from the kind of money I’m sure she was able to rake in years ago probably wasn’t easy.
She jerks her thumb over her shoulder. “He asked if you’d read to him again.”
“Hell yeah.” I toss my cell phone o
n the coffee table. “Let’s do it.”
Her mouth quivers with laughter she’s holding back, and I fight off the urge to kiss her as I walk by.
In the doorway to Chance’s room, I stop. A small, glowing circle of light falls over him. Head turned to the side, lips parted, he’s already sound asleep.
“Shit,” I mutter.
Lilly’s soft hand on my shoulder pulls me back and I glance down at her. “He’s already asleep.”
I don’t mean to sound like I’m accusing her of something, but I guess I do.
“He’s done that to me before,” she says in a rush. “I run to get him water or a different book and he’s out cold by the time I get back.”
“You gotta give me his schedule or something, so I know when he does stuff.”
“Okay.” Her gaze falls to her hand still resting on my shoulder and she yanks it away. “I’ll write it down.”
Buzzing with unspent energy, I follow her into the living room. It’s early for me. I’m used to being up late. Keeping busy.
Lilly sits on the couch, tucking her legs up under her, and flips open a notepad. Her teeth sink into her bottom lip.
Curious, I sit next to her but not too close.
My phone rattles against the glass-top coffee table. Lilly’s closer and grabs it, passing it to me. Her gaze flicks to the screen.
Stella.