“That’s it. You’re pissing me off today.” Wrath leans over and lands a punch to Rav’s kidney.
Rav doubles over and sucks in air through his teeth. “Part. Of. My. Charm.”
“It’s really not.” I lift my chin at Wrath in a quick thanks.
I see Rav’s point though. I’m sure he won’t be the last person to say it or think it and I really couldn’t give a fuck less.
Rock and Hope return hand in hand. She’s laughing and fixing her hair while trying to keep up with him.
Much like he’s always done, Rock takes up a spot in the corner of the other couch and pulls Hope into his lap. Trinity passes Grace to her mom and Rock looks pretty damn happy with his girls in his arms.
“Hey, Rav, what was that thing you were saying earlier?” I ask.
“Nothing,” he mutters, eyeing Rock and then Wrath.
Rock smirks but doesn’t say anything.
As much as I’m enjoying all this fucking around with my family, my heart’s tearing in half. I miss the fuck out of Chance and I’ll even admit, Lilly. “I better get going. Lilly should be back from her parents’ soon.”
“You gonna bring Chance up to visit?” Ravage asks.
“Yeah, when’s your next run?”
He flips me off.
Wrath stands and pulls me in for a quick slap on the back. “You need something, let me know.”
“I really appreciate you watching them.” I nod to Ziggy and Zipper, who are watching me with perked ears and eager expressions that make me feel like shit.
“It’s not a problem, Z,” Trinity assures me. “They’re good dogs.”
I lean over to pet Ziggy. “I want to get them around Chance. See how he does.”
“One thing at a time, brother,” Rock cautions. “Everything’s gonna work out.”
“I hope so.”
For once, Rav keeps his obnoxious mouth under control and gives me a quick fist bump before heading downstairs. “Shiny side up, brother,” he calls out.
Then I’m on my way back to Lilly’s. Leaving my bike behind again.
In a matter of minutes, Chance has become the most important person in my life.
I’ve already missed so much. Missed seeing him as a baby. Missed his first words and steps.
I won’t miss any more.
Twelve
Lilly
As soon as I escape the hospital, I can finally breathe. Getting upset would solve nothing. My father will never change.
Nothing ever changes.
Except my family’s utter contempt for me.
I can’t believe how much I’m looking forward to seeing Z tonight.
Sure, he hates me too, but at least he has a valid reason.
I glance at my son, happily running one of his toy trucks over the seat, and decide to make a few stops before heading home.
The stop at the hardware store to get a key made up for Z goes smoothly. Because I think it’s funny, I add a skull key chain as I’m being checked out. It’s our last stop and I’m eager to get Chance home.
Z’s waiting in my driveway when I pull up.
“Hey, were you waiting long?” I ask as he swaggers over.
“Nope. Just got here.” He peers in the back seat. “Hey, buddy.”
The genuine joy in his voice both warms my heart and slices me open with guilt.
“Um, here.” I tap his shoulder and hold out the key.
The corner of his mouth twitches. Not quite a full smile, but I’ll take it. “Thanks.” He raises an eyebrow. “You sure you trust the big biker thug with a key to your house?”
I roll my eyes and push past him to open the door and help Chance out of his seat, not bothering to answer his taunting question.
“Thee!” Chance shouts, holding his arms wide.
“Hey, little man. You have a good day?”
“Nope.”
Z slides his gaze my way and I instantly have the urge to defend myself.
“We were at the hospital. Not the most fun for a two-year-old.”
Z’s penetrating dark blue eyes burn a hole through me. “He could’ve come with me.” His low voice holds a world of challenge.
Eventually, yes, I’ll have to let Z take Chance wherever he wants on their days together. I’d feel better if I was there the first time he takes him to the clubhouse, but I’m not about to ask or beg Z for an invitation.
I also don’t want to argue with him. Instead, I nod. Z pulls back, clearly not expecting my acquiescence.
Z sets Chance down, and he immediately runs for the front porch.
“Just give him a little more time,” I say. “I’d feel awful if he had a tantrum or freaked out on you up there.” Shit, I’m not even sure what I’m trying to say. “I mean, you’re great with him. And he already seems to, but…”
“Lilly, it’s fine,” he answers a lot more reasonably than I probably would under the circumstances. “Everyone’s excited to meet him, but you’re right. I want him to be comfortable with me. I want it to be a good experience.”
“Thank you.” Guilt threatens to flatten me. Bringing Chance to the hospital was probably not a good experience for him. Not a healthy one, anyway. The nerve of my brother to keep poking at Z because he’s a biker when our family is so fucked-up pisses me off.
“What’s that look?” Z brushes the back of his hand against my cheek, quickly snatching it away as if he hadn’t meant to do it.
“Just a rough day.”
“Is your dad all right?”
I shrug. How do I explain without sounding like I’m seeking sympathy from him? “He’ll be fine.”
“Your mom?”
I snort and look away. “Today was visiting day for his side piece, so fun times.”
He stops and just stares at me. Right. We’d never gotten to a lot of personal details about our lives before. Hell, I’ve never shared that personal garbage with anyone except my friend, Sophie. Growing up, our situations had been similarly fucked up, so we’d had plenty to bond over.
Chance wanders back to us, stopping to hand me a fistful of red, crinkly maple leaves.
“Thank you.” I smile down at Chance and he wraps his arms around my legs.
“How’d Alex take that?”
“It’s nothing new, Z.” I consider how close he is with Hope. “It’s not something I talk about, so if you could not mention it to Hope, I’d appreciate it.”
“She wouldn’t judge you. Not for that, anyway.”
For keeping my son a secret, she judges you big time.
He doesn’t say it. Doesn’t have to. It’s written all over his face.
“Did you see her today?”
Z nods but doesn’t elaborate. Probably because Hope hates me. Not only did I skip out on her husband’s best friend, but I’ve been lying and dodging her for the last couple years as well.
“Yeah, Grace barfed all over Wrath.” He laughs. “It was great.”
He’s completely serious. “Really? Wasn’t he pissed?”
Z frowns, like it’s a stupid question. “At who? The baby? She can’t help it.”
“Racey?” Chance ask
s with a hopeful lilt in his voice. He peers over at Z’s truck and points. “Lexa?”
“No, buddy.” He chuckles. “Guess he liked the girls a lot.”
I run my fingers through Chance’s hair and laugh. “Gee, wonder where he got that from?”
Z grins. “God help us. Murphy’s made it clear dating isn’t in Alexa’s future.”
I chuckle, remembering the burly, red-headed bearded biker and I’m not at all surprised that’s been his reaction to having a daughter. Especially one as sweet and trusting as Alexa seems to be.
Chance is thrilled to have Z pick him up and carry him inside. He immediately runs to his room and returns with a bunch of toy cars.
“I don’t have half his stuff here,” I say as Z drops his big body down to sit on the floor and play cars with Chance. I hand him the toy garage we stopped to buy on the way home. “Feel like helping him put this together?”
“Sure.” Z takes the box from me and cocks his head. “What else does he need?”
“Well, nothing right now. I don’t have winter stuff that will fit him anyway. But his toys, books, stuff like that are all at our place in California.”
His jaw clenches. “When are you going back?” he asks, slow and deliberate.
Chance sits up and pries the box out of Z’s hands.
I lean against the dining table and cross my arms over my chest. “I’m not…I’m not sure. If I’m staying here, I at least need to go back once and pack up my apartment.”
Z’s gaze drops to Chance. “I’ll go with you and help.” He shifts and drills his angry cobalt-blue eyes into me. “Or Chance can stay with me.”
My breath catches and I squeeze my arms tight to stop myself from fidgeting. “We can talk about that.”
“Can we?” he challenges. “When would that be convenient for you, Lilly?”
I sneak a glance at my son, who’s so absorbed in trying to open the box he’s oblivious to the tension in the room and our conversation. “Well, now isn’t, obviously. I’m not going anywhere.”
“I’ve heard that before.”
Chance pushes the box against Z’s leg. “Open.”
“You got it, buddy.” Z opens the box and sets out the pieces of the little race track and garage in front of them.