I swallow the lump of regret in my throat before climbing out of the loft and walking home. Staying away from her and pretending she doesn’t exist is best for both of us. It’s the only way I’ll be able to survive, because every touch, every kiss, every time I smell clean sweat on her skin drags me down just a little more.Chapter 22Frankie
I haven’t caught him looking in the direction of the house once in the last two-and-a-half weeks—not when I’m standing in the kitchen doing dishes, not when I’m upstairs in my room. His eyes don’t search for me when he comes into the house to speak with Nan. He’s kept to our angry agreement to stay away from each other, and I’ve been bored out of my mind. At least with him being angry at me, there’s a certain level of interaction. How messed up is it that I’d rather have him sneer at me than ignore me completely? I seriously need to get my head checked when I get back home.
When I arrived back at the ranch after the fair, the confrontation in the driveway drained me more than any other we’d had, which says a lot, because what happened after the haunted house nearly destroyed me. But when I walked away, I wasn’t sure that he could keep from insulting me or making snide comments, so I’ve kept my distance, holed up in the house like a shut away, but Nan doesn’t have cable, and I can only play so many different games on my phone before my eyes start to cross. I’ve never felt more isolated in my life which is crazy because back home, Piper is my only friend and I avoid everyone at school like they’re carrying the plague in the pockets of their varsity jackets.
Standing at the kitchen sink, I watch the barn for movement, and only decide it’s safe to leave the house when I don’t see Zeke around for an hour. I’m a jerk for avoiding Rowdy because he’s been nothing but nice to me, but those two usually go hand in hand, and I’d like to avoid another nerve-racking encounter with Zeke.
“If you’re heading to the barn, take those boys something cold to drink,” Nan says absently as she futilely dusts in the living room. It’s like she can read my mind, and just that thought terrifies me. My head is a scary place right now.
I release a slow breath, eyes closed to gain strength before preparing two glasses of lemonade, doing my best to resist spitting in one the way Zeke accused me of doing the first time I was obligated to bring him some. I manage to make it out of the house without spilling either glass.
I’ve missed the warm sun on my face, so I take a moment in the middle of the yard to close my eyes and tip my chin to get as much as I can before continuing on to the barn.
Just as expected, Rowdy is working in the center of the barn, so I laser focus on him, keeping my eyes straight ahead, even when my brain is telling me to look around and locate Zeke. Be aware of your surroundings. It’s something I’ve lived by due to the hell I go through daily at Westover Prep, but Rowdy is here, and I know Zeke won’t be mean to me when there are witnesses. No, he likes to spit vile things in private.
“Well aren’t you a sight for sore eyes,” my friend says as I approach, holding out the cold glass to him. He takes it, tilting it to his lips with a bright smile. “Thanks, sweetheart.”
A grunt from the other side of the barn makes my spine stiffen to the point of aching, but I don’t turn in Zeke’s direction. I simply put the other glass of lemonade on top of a crate for him to get if he wants and focus on my friend.
“Hey,” I begin. “How are things out here?”
“We’re managing,” Rowdy says with a genuine smile. “The grass could always be greener. The cows could be fatter, but we’re making do with what we have.”
Rowdy’s eyes dart behind me, and I wonder if he’s nervous that I’ll let it slip about Shawn. I’d never out someone like that, so I give him a reassuring smile that I hope translates that his secret is safe with me.
“Anything I can help with?” I offer, needing to do something before I go stir-crazy just sitting in the house and napping the day away. I miss the burn in my muscles from working hard. I miss sweating and feeling satisfied with a hard day’s work.
“Besides distracting the entire crew?” Rowdy muses with a knowing grin.
My lips turn down. There are only two people out here to distract, and it’s as if his words heighten all of my senses and I can feel Zeke’s eyes drilling a hole into my back.