With that, Chief slaps some cash down on the bar and drags me up off my stool, leading me out the door. Not two minutes later, I’m falling into unconsciousness and putting this afternoon from hell behind me.CHAPTER 16AMELIAStupid. Stupid. Stupid.
How could I be so fucking stupid?
I let him in. I gave myself to him. I allowed myself to start falling in love with him. Fuck. I introduced him to my kids and allowed them to fall for him just as bad. I should have known better.
And all this fucking time he’s been with fucking Jessa and screwing around with me. I should have known. It’s just my luck that it happens to be the bitch who made my life hell through high school.
It was all just a game to him. Hell, I bet Jessa put him up to it just to get the last laugh. Maybe she thought she hadn’t fucked up enough for me and just wanted to twist the knife in my back a little deeper, right when I thought I had it all. What a joke.
Bull screwed me over and now I’m left with the job of explaining to my girls that another man in their life is leaving. But what I don’t get is if he was with Jessa, then why go to all the effort of taking me away? He bought Ryan a fucking bike for fuck’s sake.
I let out a heavy sigh. It’s been one hell of a long week, and I’ve been avoiding telling the girls because I honestly have no idea how to do it without causing them pain.
Ryan is going to be devastated. Coby is still a bit young for it to have an effect on her, but I’m sure she’s still going to miss him. Ryan though, she’s going to feel it right down in the bottom of her soul. She looks at him as though he’s the daddy she’s always dreamed of, and now I have to tell her that he’s not going to be coming around anymore.
What do they say, fool me once, shame on you, fool me twice, shame on me?
How could I have fucked up so badly?
I allowed Bryce in. I allowed him to trample all over me and treat me like a piece of shit. Then when I finally got rid of him, I had to go and let another man in to do it all over again.
It’s been six excruciating long days. The first day, Zoey practically ran me home and did everything she could to keep my mind off it, but let’s be real, it was an impossible task. I give her credit for the effort. She took care of the girls while I popped open a bottle of wine and drowned my sorrows, but come the next morning, we went back to normal life. Zoey went to work, the girls went off to daycare, and I was left with the overwhelming flood of painful memories.
I got home that afternoon to find Bull sitting on my front porch. I shook my head, let him know that I wasn’t ready for whatever it is he had in mind, and I walked past him, closing the door behind me.
It was the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do. I had my girls with me, and they instantly ran into his arms, but seeing the look on my face, he sent them on their way and gave me the space I needed.
I watched him out the side window as he stood at my front door with his head resting against the hardwood. He murmured through the door that he’ll wait as long as it takes, and that moment just about crushed my soul.
I stepped up to the door with tears in my eyes, opened it a crack until my body was wedged between the door and the frame, and told him he needed to leave. With pain in his eyes, he nodded and walked away without a single word.
That’s become our routine all week. Whether he shows up before his shift or after it, he always comes by, waits by my front door, and when I tell him he needs to go, he respects it.
I don’t know what I’m going to do.
The more he comes over, the more I begin questioning myself.
If it was a game, why the hell isn’t he taking the win and walking away? His fun is over. There’s nothing more for me to give him, but I feel he owes me some sort of explanation as I’m left with way too many questions going through my mind, all asking ‘why’.
I could have been imagining things, but in my head, I thought something real was happening. I thought I’d found my forever, and he pulled that out from under me in the blink of an eye. I can’t believe I gave myself to him like that. For those few short weeks, he was everything, and I know it was only the briefest affair, but to me, it felt real, and it was something I’ll never forget.