“How long ago was that day?”
“That was almost three years ago now.”
It eased my mind a little to know that so much time had passed.
I hesitated to ask, “Is that how you got the money to buy the truck and everything else?”
“Partly. I banked everything I ever made.”
“That explains the Range Rover.”
“Yeah.” He looked so ashamed to admit it. “I’m telling you right now, Rana, that I don’t think I could handle this situation if the roles were reversed. If you can accept me after this, you’re a hell of a lot stronger person than I am. I understand completely if you can’t see yourself being with me after what I just admitted to you. It disgusts me to think about what I did. I think about myself back then, and it’s like looking back at a different person. Those early days in L.A…in many ways…it was like getting abducted by aliens. That person isn’t who I am now. I made all of my life mistakes within a two-year span.”
“How many women?”
“There were six total.”
Six?
I swallowed. “That woman at the restaurant tonight—Carys—she was one of them?”
“Yes. She was the last one.”
It made me so sick to hear him confirm he’d had sex with her, even though I’d suspected that was the case before he even told me any of this.
“What if we hadn’t run into her? When were you going to tell me?”
“That’s a big reason why I’d wished you were staying longer. I needed more time before I dropped this bomb on you.”
“You were going to let me go home without having this conversation?”
“My hope was to use every moment of this time for you to get to know me—the man I am now. I would’ve probably told you after you left or during our next visit. The main thing is, I just didn’t know how to tell you. How do you tell someone who believes in you, that maybe you’re not worthy? I’m ashamed, but it’s a chapter of my life I will never be able to erase no matter how hard I wish I could.”
“So, you didn’t want to have sex with me until I knew…”
“Yes. I didn’t know whether you’d still want to be intimate with me after you found out. And as much as it would kill me, I understand if you don’t.”
I was afraid to ask, “Do you have a disease?”
He was quick to answer, “No. God, no. I was always safe. I used condoms religiously, and I’ve been tested multiple times. The one consolation is that I’ve always had my head screwed on straight in that respect.”
“I don’t even know how to process this. I mean, I know it wasn’t like you did it with a hundred women. Most single guys sleep around all of the time, but I guess it’s the principle of this that’s so troubling.”
“I always intended to tell you, Rana. I just hoped for a little more time first. That’s all. I don’t blame you for being confused and upset.”
I wanted to comfort him, wanted to tell him it was going to be okay, but I couldn’t seem to get past my shock.
“I’m not going to lie to you, Landon. This is really upsetting.”
Devastating.
“I know. I’m sorry. In some ways I’m glad it came out tonight because I’m falling hard for you, and if there’s a chance that you don’t want to be with me, then the sooner I know that, the better.”HOMECOMINGMy eyes blinked open. Did last night really happen?
The clock showed 10AM, which meant that Landon and I only had a couple of hours left before he had to take me to LAX.
The fact that I was leaving today seemed surreal, and the entire conversation from last night was like a bad dream.
My throat was parched as I reluctantly pulled myself into an upright position. Landon was smoking on the balcony just outside the bedroom.
Wearing one of his long T-shirts, I slid the door open. “Good morning.”
He blew out the last of his smoke and put out the cigarette. “Hey…” His eyes looked bloodshot.
I cleared my throat. “You didn’t get much sleep.”
His voice was hoarse. “I didn’t sleep at all.”
“I was up for a while, but then I slept a little.”
“I know. I peeked in on you right when you had fallen asleep.” He smiled reluctantly. “I might’ve watched you for a little while.”
Looking out toward the water, I said, “I still haven’t processed what you told me last night, but I want you to know that I think it took an incredible amount of courage to admit that to me. You could’ve made up a story, told me that woman in the restaurant was the mother of one of your ex-girlfriends, something bogus like that. But you didn’t. You were honest with me, and I’m very grateful for that.”