A long, slow breath escaped him. “I wish.”
I swallowed, dreading his continuing the story as much as I needed him to continue. “Go on…”
“Bud ended up catching me at his house one night. He’d come home early from a trip. It was exactly what I’d wanted—for him to find me with her. The timing couldn’t have been more perfect as far as I was concerned.”
“What did he do?”
“That’s the sad part. Get this…he didn’t even really care. Apparently, they had an open marriage. She just never let me know that. I think she wanted to pretend that our thing was something more forbidden than it was. It made her feel like she was doing something sordid and maybe that got her off even more. Meanwhile, all I’d wanted was to enact revenge on this guy. So, I was feeling like my mission had failed.”
“Did you tell him who you were?”
“Yeah, I pretty much lost it. I ended up going off on him—admitted who my mother was. Jamie-Lynne was shocked because she had no clue I was using her to get to him.” He let out an angry laugh as he looked up at the ceiling. “Would you believe he didn’t even seem to care about that, either? Barely remembered my mother’s name. That fucking killed me more than anything.”
“What happened after that night?”
“I was just in such a bad place. I didn’t give a shit about anything. Jamie-Lynne wanted to keep seeing me, and I continued with it because I’d gotten accustomed to the lifestyle and felt like I had nowhere else to fucking go. But she wasn’t out for my best interests. I was using her, and she was using me. That was all there was to it.”
My palms were getting sweaty. I still didn’t understand what this had to do with the woman in the restaurant tonight, but I was apparently about to find out.
He continued, “One night she brought this friend of hers named April around. April started joking about how she wished she could ‘borrow’ me. I didn’t think anything of it until later that night when Jamie-Lynne told me that her friend had been serious, that April would pay me big money to keep her company. She was basically trying to talk me into it.”
“She wanted to pawn you off to her friend? What kind of a person does that?”
“I was so floored and angry that I made a rash decision to take April up on her offer, just to spite my so-called girlfriend. By that time, I was pretty sure Jamie-Lynne had moved on to some even younger, fresher meat. I had no real feelings for her anyway—never did. So, I started—quote, unquote—seeing April.”
My voice was trembling. “She was paying you for sex?”
He looked me straight in the eyes, even though it looked like it pained him to answer. “Yes.”
That hurt to hear so much. “Wow,” I muttered.
“That was how it started.”
My head was spinning. “Started?”
“I found out that there was a close-knit network of Hollywood wives who traded boy toys like me. They’d use you until they were done with you then introduce you to a friend in what was supposed to seem like a seamless transition. Young guys get caught up in the lavish lifestyle. At the time, you think you’re living the good life and don’t see what’s horribly wrong with it. You’re making loads of cash—more money than you could even fathom—and all you have to do is look good and give them their bad boy fantasy.”
The harsh words escaped me before I could think better of it. “You were a whore…”
He shut his eyes as if I’d just stabbed them with my words then said, “At the time, I never considered myself that. I’d prettied it up in my mind to make myself feel better, because I didn’t really want to stop. The money was too good, and quite honestly back then, I didn’t feel like I had anything to live for.”
Feeling my stomach churning, I stood up and paced. “Whoa. I’m gonna be sick.”
He walked across the room to be closer to me. “You have to understand my mental state at the time. I was very angry at the world, so fucking miserable.”
I suddenly turned around to face him. “How long did this go on?”
“About a year and a half.”
Trying hard to fend off the tears that were forming in my eyes, I took a deep breath in and just stared up at the ceiling, attempting in vain to absorb this upsetting news.
“What made you stop?” I finally whispered.
He looked at me with pleading eyes. “I had a dream one night. And in it, I was the father to a little boy who was asking me point blank if I sold my body for money. It was freaky and messed up that this little kid would even be talking about that shit, but clearly it was coming from my own guilty subconscious mind. In the dream, I remember really struggling with how to answer him. I was so ashamed. Who knows if the boy represented my inner self or my fear of having a child someday and having him find out. Anyway, I woke up in a cold sweat, ran to the bathroom, and just looked myself in the mirror for the longest time in disgust. Absolute disgust. In that moment, I knew it had to stop. That was the end of it. I changed my number that morning. Never looked back. Needless to say, it was an awakening that I’ll always be grateful for. I’m very happy I saw the light.”