“Wow.”
“Yeah, he’s something else,” she murmurs.
“You said that was the first time he surprised you. What was the second time?”
Her eyes become suddenly veiled. Maybe even a little sad. She makes a big production of looking at her watch. “Oh dear. Is that the time? I should be going. I have a hair appointment in less than thirty minutes. Do you mind if we continue another next time?”
“Of course not.”
She picks up her tote bag. “Don’t bother to do any more leaflets, Sofia. Fiona will finish them later.”
“No, it’s okay. I don’t have anything else to do until my class starts anyway.”
She smiles. “All right then. Thanks, Sofia. See you later,” she calls as she leaves the room.
While I finish stapling the rest of the leaflets, I speculate obsessively about what the second thing she was referring to might have been. My mind’s still on it even as I go to my classroom to prepare for my class. I open the door and all thoughts of what Lana might have been about to say disappears. Lori is waiting for me! The sight of her anxious face and unruly curls makes my heart sing.
“Hi,” I say, grinning happily at her.
“Hello,” she says shyly.
“Have you come to join my singing class?”
She nods.
I know I must look foolish, but I just can’t stop grinning. “Fantastic. So you like singing?”
“Only in my room.”
I laugh. “I do my best singing in the shower.”
She smiles.
At that moment one of my other students comes in and immediately Lori’s face changes. She stops smiling and drops her head. For the rest of the class she does not speak a word to anyone, and when the class is over she smiles at me quickly, and slips out of the room.
Seventeen
Sofia
When I come out to the foyer I see Lena talking to Jack and my stomach does a somersault. I straighten my shoulders and walk towards them.
My sister smiles and Jack gives me a head-to-toe look. His look makes me flush all over.
“Hello, Sofia,” he says, his voice not full of desire like the last time we were together, but purely friendly.
“Lori came to my class,” I blurt out.
“There you go. She couldn’t keep away from you,” he says with a twinkle in his eyes.
Kids from different classes and activities start pouring out of the corridor. They greet us casually by name and I experience the thrill of belonging. For the first time in my life I feel like a normal person. I’m not hiding in the castle, or being one of the whores in Valdislav’s stable.
As they make their noisy exit through the front door, an awkward moment descends on our little group.
“Why don’t you join us for dinner?” Lena suggests into the silence.
Jack glances at his watch. “Where’re you guys going to?”
“Well, we were going to Sugar. My husband’s running late so he will meet us there in about two hours,” she says.
Jack looks sideways at me, his eyes veiled. “Sure,” he agrees.
So we go off to Sugar and it is the strangest dinner I have ever had. The dynamics are weird. I don’t taste a thing. My sister grills Jack unsuccessfully. Then Guy comes, and he is surprisingly cold towards Jack. And Jack? He just sits there, leaning back. Cool and totally unaffected by it all.
After dessert I excuse myself and go to the Ladies. In the mirror I see a woman who looks like a cornered rat. I try to remember Lena’s saying. “Life is short. You have to grab it with both hands. Cake, shoes, and the man you want.” The wind has loosened wisps of my hair. I pull them all back into my braid and go back out.
In the corridor I see Jack approaching. I stop and look behind me nervously. There is no one else around. He comes right up to me and stops in front of me. I retreat and he takes a step forward. I turn and press myself against the wall to let him pass and he cages me against it. His broad, muscular body completely blocks me off from sight, making me feel small and feminine. Brooding power and strength come off him in waves, but it doesn’t fill me with fear.
It makes me want him more.
I want to climb him.
The only thing I fear is my own uncontrollable desire. I look up at him and our eyes lock. His are so dilated they are almost black. Images of our last encounter flood my mind. The sexual tension swirls like thick smoke around us. I feel a bolt of sensation flow through my body. It’s desire. More than I ever thought possible. This man makes me feel things I have never felt before. The kind of passion I thought only existed in books.
He leans in until there is not even an inch between our faces. I can see a small white scar just under his right eyebrow. His breath fans my forehead. I should tell him that he needs to slow down. Take it easier, but I can hardly speak with the heat inside me.
“You look delectable tonight,” he whispers, his sexy-as-hell mouth twisting.
“Thank you,” I choke.
“Do you know you’re fucking driving me crazy?”
My chest rises and falls rapidly. I lick my dry lips and he takes a deep breath and rests his forehead on mine.
“I want to see you with swollen lips after a whole night of kissing.”
I gasp, a thrill of excitement flushing through my veins. “You shouldn’t …”
“No, I fucking shouldn’t …” he mutters to himself.
I swallow hard. “You’re going too fast.”
“Am I?” he growls.
His breath is warm and makes my whole body tingle. I want him so bad I can taste the need on my tongue. “Yes. We hardly know each other.”
His eyes flicker. “I know everything I need to know about you.”
His words are like a fast moving undercurrent that could pull me under.
“Sofia,” a harsh voice calls.
The sensation that there is nobody else in the world but us shatters suddenly. I nearly jump out of my skin, but Jack doesn’t turn immediately. He takes his time before turning to face the voice.
Guy’s face is stern, his jaw clamped tight. I have never seen such an expression on his face. From the first day he found me he has always been gentle and kind with me. Completely ignoring Jack, he addresses me instead. “Your sister wants you.”
With my face flaming, I straighten away from the wall and walk stiffly towards Guy. He throws another hard look at Jack before escorting me towards our table.
“Was he-”
“No,” I say quickly before he can even finish his question.
“Are you all right?” he asks, his voice concerned.
“Yes.” My whole body is still shivering with desire. “I’m fine.”
He nods, but his forehead is creased with a deep frown.
When we get back to the table, Lena looks up at me with enquiring eyes. Slipping into my chair I smile tightly and shake my head to ind
icate that everything is all right. She turns to Guy and he looks deep into her eyes and gently rubs his thumb down her cheek. The gesture is so intimate and so full of profound love that I feel my stomach clench with a mixture of envy and longing.
After a few minutes Jack comes back, but he doesn’t take his seat. He thanks Lena for inviting him and hopes we enjoy our dessert. Unfortunately, he has to leave since he has an early start in the morning, however he has taken care of the bill. I don’t look at him even though I feel his eyes on me a few times.
“Goodnight, Sofia,” he says, deliberately addressing me.
“Goodnight, Jack,” I mumble, throwing him a quick glance.
His face is in shadow from the overhead lights, but his eyes watch me like a hunter. My fingers tighten around the edges of the table as I hurriedly drop my eyes down to my lap.
Shortly after Jack leaves we get into the car and make our way to the Kensington apartment. Irina is already in bed and her nanny wishes us goodnight before disappearing into her room.
Lena catches my arm. “Do you want to talk about it?” she asks.
“There’s nothing to talk about,” I say sadly.
“But he likes you,” she implores.
I shake my head and run to my room. I can’t talk about Jack to anyone. The sensations in my body are too raw to deal with right now. The truth is I am too cut about it. All this is too deep, too soon.
That night on my way to the toilet, I pass Guy and Lena’s room and hear their whispering voices. Then I hear Lena crying and I know instantly that they are talking about me. The only thing in Lena’s life that brings tears to her eyes is me and my condition. Guilt pours into my gut. I should have spoken to her when she wanted to. I’ll speak to her now. I lift my hand to knock on their door, but I hear Guy’s crooning voice try to soothe her, and my hand falls uselessly to the side of my body.
She will be all right. It will be all right.
Guy will make it all right for her. He always does.
There is one thing that is clear to me. I am bringing heartache and disharmony to the people I love the most. It is clear I cannot have him. I must face that and find a different way to be. Tomorrow I will tell Lena that I am not interested in Jack.