I rubbed my hands together. It was actually warm in there, the atmosphere a little bit foggy and redolent with the smell of earth moss. The gentle sound of water dripping was soothing.
She flicked a light switch and clusters of round white lamps came on and threw their diffused light on the plants, walls, the geometrically patterned floor and on her beautiful face.
‘Isn’t it perfect?’
‘Yes. It reminds me of a place of worship, like a chapel—cool, dark, quiet.’
She looked at me, surprised. ‘You go to church?’
‘I was an altar boy when I was a kid, but I’ve given up God.’
‘What happened?’
I didn’t tell her about my children screaming, then burning to their deaths just yards away from me, about the little shoe that dropped close to me as if straight from the sky.
‘The real truth is,’ I said carefully, ‘I could not have resisted Christianity if the story had ended with, “Why hast thou forsaken me?” But the happy ending made it less interesting.’
She frowned. ‘That’s rather morbid.’
‘You think so?’ I shrugged. ‘It’s the real condition of humanity. Our lives are ones of pure abandonment. Somewhere trampling through the universe are trillions of unanswered prayers still looking for God.’
She touched the edge of a green ceramic pot and ran her finger, the nail pearlescent in the glow from the lamps, along the ridge. ‘I like the idea of God. Someone to turn to when things get really bad.’
‘Yeah, it’s a nice thought,’ I conceded.
‘But it was this place that saved me. When I first came out of hospital I was like a caged creature. Every day I paced the confines of my cage and came upon bars in exactly the same place, and unable to realize why I could go no farther.’
She looked around her.
‘But one day
Ivana wheeled me in here and I found it so peaceful and soothing that I wanted to spend more and more time here. And then I began to realize that I could make it more beautiful. There were not so many plants here then and I set about redesigning everything. Now this is where I spend most of my time. When you have your hands in dirt you don’t think. You become a part of the earth.’
I stared at her. God! She was heartbreakingly beautiful. Her little face lit up about a bunch of plants. It was impossible to imagine her in a sex club. I remembered the heady, drug-like feel and the taste of her. And how fantastically our bodies had come together and lust boiled my blood. I was on dangerous ground. Very dangerous ground. What the hell was I thinking of coming here alone with her?
‘It’s just a little thing,’ she was saying softly, totally unaware of how she was affecting me, ‘but it makes me happy and I wanted you to see it.’ She clasped her arms, like a child waiting for my approval.
Hell, Lady Olivia, my approval was a done deal from the moment you walked into my office.
I knew I should get out of that place. It was too closed. Here she was too much of a temptation. I had a fantasy about her. I wanted to see my cock in her mouth. In my fantasy she struggled to fit it all in. I felt my body start heating up. I needed to get the fuck out now. This was where the rubber met the road.
‘Thanks for showing it to me. It’s beautiful. But I should get back.’
‘Wait,’ she cried softly, and took my hand.
She pulled me to a pool. Goldfish swam in pale circles.
‘Daphne says it’s a bit bourgeois to have fish, but I like them.’ She bent down to lean against the pool’s edge and her dress seemed stretched around her boyish hips. Unwanted thoughts of my cock slowly disappearing into her body rushed into my mind. Without any warning my erection bulged painfully against my zipper. Fuck. This was nuts. I was venturing into impossible territory. I wanted her so bad she was going to smell it on my breath.
I needed to get back to my room, like now. Blissfully unaware of what was going on in my mind and body she pointed to some cast iron columns.
‘See that there? That is a Victorian rainwater collection system. It’s really clever. It diverts the water from the glass roof into an underground storage tank.’
I stared at the columns feeling almost overwhelmed by the force of my desire for her.
‘I should go.’ My voice sounded thick and strained.
‘Why?’