‘Of course not. It is prudent to check out a practitioner before you go to see them.’
‘I just want what’s best for my daughter. And I think you are it.’
Some lingering, old pride in the method I had pioneered and been so confident in resurfaced. I clasped my hands lightly on the surface of my desk. ‘I am a clinical psychiatrist, but you must understand that my method does not have any scientific underpinning. In fact, I am obliged to warn you that there is virtually no scientific evidence to demonstrate the authenticity of repressed memories returning. If anything, repeated studies have proven that using regressive hypnosis to recover memories can actually lead to the patient creating new material, a phenomenon called false memory. In some states in the US, any evidence that is gained using hypnosis renders that testimony null and void.’
‘But do you think you could help her?’ she insisted, undaunted.
For a second that heady memory of my first success flashed into my mind. How excited I had been. How amazing to return to something important. ‘To be honest, I’ve never had a patient like your daughter.’
‘It must be worth a try, then?’ she pressed hopefully.
‘You have to bear in mind that not everybody can be hypnotized.’
She didn’t listen to that. Instead she broke into a smile. It was like the sun shining out from between a crack in a sky full of storm clouds. Yes, she was obviously one of those women who could whistle a chap off a tree, but… I was immune to it. For two years I wandered around looking for even the smallest spark of the vibrant life that used to course through my veins. All I ever found were ashes. Even now this beautiful, beautiful woman elicited nothing from me.
‘You will take her on?’ Her voice trembled.
I knew she had manipulated me, but I was professionally intrigued by the case and impressed by her deep desire to cure her stepdaughter. I had prejudged her as shallow and cunning when she walked into my office. But she nurtured a deep and genuine care for another human being. A rare and precious thing.
I nodded.
‘Oh, that’s wonderful,’ she gushed, but softly.
‘I’ll try. No promises.’
She smiled—grateful, triumphant. She had succeeded. ‘I am certain you are the best person for the job. If anybody can do it, you can. In fact, I know you can help her.’
‘Does your stepdaughter know you’re here?’
She leaned back and looked out of the window. ‘A butterfly wing is a miracle, made up of thousands of tiny, loosely attached pigmented scales that individually catch the light and together create a depth of color and iridescence unmatched elsewhere in nature. Our identities are like the butterfly wing, made up of thousands and thousands of tiny, loosely attached memories. Without them we lose our color and iridescence. Olivia is like a child now. We make all the major decisions for her. The world is a frightening place for her.’
I nodded. ‘All right, Beryl will give you some forms your daughter needs to fill out and she will also schedule an appointment for her.’
She smiled again. And I had a vision. Her in bed with her shriveled husband. It was not only she who had done a quick Google search. It was not every day that Lady Swanson, of the great Swanson dynasty, called my office for an appointment.
For a moment our eyes held and I saw something in hers. Interest. Desire. I let my gaze slide away.
‘Thank you… Dr. Kane.’
‘Goodbye, Lady Swanson.’
I walked to the door, opened it, and let her out. As she passed me her perfume wafted into my nostrils. Expensive, faint, but still potent. Up close, her carefully powdered skin was even more flawless. I closed the door and walked to my desk. I opened my drawer and taking out a bottle of Jack Daniel’s poured myself a huge measure. I knocked it back, swallowed, and closed my eyes.
Fuck. Was it ever going to stop hurting?
Then I walked to the window and watched Lady Swanson get into her chauffeur-driven Rolls-Royce Phantom. She stared straight ahead. Distant, unreachable, from a different world. It was almost as if it was only a dream that she had come into my office and sat in my chair.
The intercom buzzed. ‘Can I come in?’ Beryl asked.
I sighed. ‘Yes.’
The door opened even before I had taken my finger away from the button.
‘Well?’ she asked, wide-eyed. ‘That was a very short first session. What did she want?’
‘She wants me to treat her stepdaughter.’
Her eyes became huge. ‘What? She wants you to treat her Lady Olivia?’