My heart raced when I glanced over and caught him looking back at me, his long fingers toying with the necklace around his neck. Maybe it was the effect of the vodka, but as I refilled my glass, I could feel Kael’s eyes on me, as if he was taking me in, head to toe. He wasn’t appraising me in that skeevy way some guys had when they were so obviously checking you out. It wasn’t like that at all. When Kael looked at me, it was as if he saw me, the real me—who I was, not who I was trying to be. He held my gaze for a moment, then lowered his eyes. My chest fluttered. Forget butterflies, these were blackbirds. Big, glossy blackbirds flapping their wings, making my heart take flight. I took a deep breath to calm myself down. I felt him looking at me and tried to ignore the pang at the bottom of my stomach. I put the bottle back on the counter and mixed in apple juice. Someone had cleared out the cranberry.
“What’s that going to taste like?” He was standing right behind me now. Whether he had moved or I had, I couldn’t say. I saw his shadow in the metal sink and hoped like hell that he couldn’t hear the wild beating in my chest.
I turned slowly to face him. He was so close.
“Either great or not.” I shrugged.
He took a half-step back. My body didn’t calm.
“And you’re willing to take that risk?” he asked, smiling behind his drink. I wanted to tell him that he didn’t need to hide it—his smile, that was. That I really liked it when he was funny, when he teased me. But I needed a few more shots to be at that level of bold.
“Yeah. I guess so.” I put my nose to the glass and took a sniff. It wasn’t so bad. I took a sip. It wasn’t horrible. But maybe I should microwave it to pretend it was a cider?
“Good?,” he asked.
“Yeah,” I said. I lifted the cup between us. “Wanna taste?”
“No, thanks.” He shook his head, holding up his beer.
“Do you always drink beer?” I asked him.
“Yeah, mostly. Not in a while, though,” he said, smiling and trying not to. “Because of being gone. Of being over there,” he clarified.
“Ohhh, because you were gone.” It took me a second to catch on regardless of how many times we had repeated the word “gone”.
“Right. Yes. Gone. Over there.” I was an idiot, echoing everything he said. “Wow. Yeah, adjusting must be so weird.”
Every time he reminded me that his life was so drastically different than mine, I felt shaken. I noticed his glassy eyes again … his beautiful brown eyes. Maybe he was just as buzzed as I was. I leaned towards Kael to ask if he was drunk, to ask him if he was okay. That’s when Austin barreled in with Mendoza right behind him. Way to kill the moment. “Hey guys! It’s awfully quiet in here,” he said, clapping his hands together as if he were trying to frighten a small animal.
Kael and I stepped back from each other, as if by instinct.
“My man. You leaving?” Austin asked. When Mendoza nodded, Austin continued, “Thanks for coming. I know it’s hard to get out.”
“Yeah.” Mendoza turned to Austin, then Kael. I felt like something significant was going on in front of me, but I wasn’t really able to decipher it.
“Next time bring Gloria,” Austin said, reaching for the tequila bottle. And then, “One more before you go?”
Mendoza looked at the thick, white watch strapped to his wrist and shook his head.
“No way, man. I have to go home. Babies get hungry and Gloria’s tired. The kid is keeping her up all night.”
“I didn’t mean you.” Austin touched Mendoza’s car keys on his belt loop. “But for me?”
Mendoza poured a hefty amount of tequila into Austin’s glass. It wasn’t my responsibility to worry about my brother. This was his party and I wasn’t going to be the house mother. Not tonight.
“It was nice to meet you,” I told Mendoza when he said bye to me.
“Take care of my boy,” he whispered. Then he hugged Kael and went out the side door, leaving me to wonder what on earth he meant.
“MAN, I LOVE THAT GUY. He’s a Grade A fucking guy.”
Austin was over-the-top cheerful, even for him. It made me a little nervous. It wasn’t that I was worried about him getting into trouble. Not really. It was just hard to see him standing there swaying like that.
“My sister! My beautiful twin.” Austin wrapped his arm around me. His movements were fluid and his pale cheeks were red. He was clearly smashed.
“Isn’t she beautiful?” he asked Kael. I froze. I hated when Austin talked about my looks.
Kael nodded yes, clearly uncomfortable.
“You’ve really grown up. Buying your own house and shit,” he said, squeezing me. “I mean there you are, holding down a steady job and shit. Paying bills—”
“And shit?” I finished for him.
“Essactly,” he said.
Something on the bridge of his nose caught my eye. I moved toward him. “Did you actually break your nose?” I asked, lifting my hand to his face. He jerked away, laughing me off.
“It didn’t break. It just, um … it just moved over a little.” Then he turned to Kael with a goofy smile plastered on his face. “Be careful with her, bro. I’m not going to be that guy who’s like threatening dudes over his sister or anything like that. Nothing like that. I’m just saying, my sister, well … she flips on you and man …” He used his fingers like a knife under his throat.
Kael cast his eyes downward, giving no indication of what he thought about what he’d just heard.
“I’m kidding. She’s a peach.” He hugged me again. “A real peachy, peach of a sister. Aren’t you?”
Oh yeah, totally smashed.
The kitchen was getting busy now with people coming in to refill their drinks, as if shift change had been announced or something. It wasn’t until Kael looked at me that I felt like a kid. I probably seemed so immature, borderline wrestling with my brother who was completely out of it. And shit.
“Right. Thanks for the news bulletin,” I said, maneuvering out of his arm. “Your new little friend is waiting for you. She looked lonely.” I nodded my head toward the living room.
“Did she? She’s cute, huh? She’s going to school to be a nurse,” he told us with pride.
Kael made a face like he was impressed, but I wasn’t as drunk as Austin, and I could tell that Kael was humoring him. He mostly hid his mouth behind the dark beer bottle.
“You mean the little girl wants to be a nurse when she gets to be all grown up? After she’s out of high school and into the big world?” It was how I was with Austin—teasing him about stuff. It was just part of our twin dynamic. We didn’t have that mythical thing where we could read each other’s minds or feel each other’s pain. Nothing weird like that. Okay, I understood him on a level that I didn’t feel with most people. And I felt a closeness to him that I couldn’t explain. But a lot of siblings felt that, especially when they’d gone through their parents’ divorce and all the mess that came with it. But it had nothing to do with being twins.
So, really, my comment had nothing to do with the girl at all. It was just what we did. Like the comment he made to Kael. (The comment that I swore to myself I wouldn’t obsess over until later, when I was alone.)
“She’s nineteen, okay? And she’s going to actual nursing school.” Austin lifted his plastic cup to his mouth, pouring out the last drops of whatever concoction he had been downing the whole night.
“I’m sure she is.” I rolled my eyes at Austin. “And the next Barbie will be—”
It took me a moment to register that everyone was looking over my shoulder to something behind me. MPs, I thought for a split second. Damn. We’re busted. I turned around to face the officers, to give them some sort of excuse or attempt some type of negotiation. Only, when I turned around, I saw that it wasn’t the MPs at all. It was the girl in the ruffly shirt and she had heard every word I’d said.
Damn. I was the one who was busted.
THE GIRL’S FACE FELL. My face fell. We stood there in silence. Caugh
t. Two deer in the headlights.
I had just insulted her, insinuating that not only was she in high school, but that tomorrow night, my brother would be making out with someone else. Which not only made my brother seem like a total douchebag, it was rude as all hell to her.
Her eyes welled up with tears.