“And you in a month,” he said, taking a swig of the beer and making a face. I didn’t blame him. I much preferred vodka over heavy bubbles of beer. It was my go-to when I drank. Drink less, feel more.
Another plus with vodka: I knew exactly how much to drink before I would get too drunk. I’d pretty much mastered vodka. I’d been drinking it since Austin and I had gone to that Seniors Only party back in South Carolina.
Austin and I were probably the only freshmen there. We scanned the place when we arrived, but it didn’t take long until Casey, a popular seventeen-year-old, made a beeline for Austin. She was one of the popular seniors. Popular. I hated that word. Austin didn’t, though. He knew it was his way in. The moment he complimented Casey’s eyelashes—it was something lame like, You have the longest eyelashes—well, that was it. Five minutes later, they were tongue-to-tongue and I was left to wander the party by myself.
The only person who talked to me was a boy who had a mustard stain on his shirt. He had sharp canines, like a wolf, and he smelled like orange Lysol. I left him in the hallway by the bathroom and found the vodka bottle in the freezer. It was cool going down. That’s probably why I drank so much so fast. Too much. Too fast. I ran to the bathroom with my hand covering my mouth, holding in the vomit. Unfortunately, I ran into Lysol guy again, and he looked at me like I was the pathetic one. Maybe I was? I mean, I was the one pushing people out of the way to get the toilet.
But that was then and this was now. That party was different. I was different. I had learned to hold my liquor. And I was no longer the girl who couldn’t walk away from a scary guy without second guessing herself. I felt safe with Kael. Interested and interesting. Like I was the senior at this party.
KAEL WAS TAKING EVERYTHING IN. He wasn’t obvious about it, but he was watching. Analyzing. Paying attention.
We made eye contact and he surprised me by being the one to break the silence between us.
“Just how I thought I would spend my twenty-first birthday,” he said, taking another gulp of beer. And another.
Someone turned on an old Usher song and I smiled into my cup. People were definitely trying to set the mood if they were playing old school Usher. I was liking this group, even though I tried not to. I was a sucker for nostalgia.
“Wow. Usher. Well, take all the sarcasm out of what I just said.” Kael smiled.
I hadn’t known this guy long, but wow, I loved it when he was this way. Unguarded and funny. I laughed at him and he took me in—my mouth, my eyes, my mouth again. He wasn’t subtle about it.
Was he aware of the way he was looking at me?
He had to be aware of the way he was looking at me.
My head felt fuzzy and it had nothing to do with the vodka.
“Kare!” Austin’s voice boomed over everyone and everything, including the blender being used to make some sort of neon mixed drink that I hoped wouldn’t be splattered all over my dad’s bathroom floor later.
“There you are!” He wrapped both arms around me. He smelled like beer himself.
The thought passed just as quickly as it came. He hugged me tight and kissed my hair.
“Look at you,” he said, holding his plastic cup in the air. I knew he was drunk. He wasn’t wild. He wasn’t belligerent. But buzzed for sure.
“Did you get a drink?” Austin’s green eyes were bloodshot. I reminded myself that he had just gotten out of jail, that he probably needed the drink.
The fact that jail was a part of my vocabulary was something in itself, but I refused to be anything but chill the entire night. I was there to blend and now that Kael was there, I wanted him to have fun.
“Yes.” I held up my cup and Austin nodded his head as if to say good.
“Did you meet everyone?” His words were slightly slurred. His hair was messy, tousled, hitting the middle of his forehead.
“Not yet. I just got here.”
“You look happy. Are you happy?” my twin asked me.
His cheeks were flushed. I put both of my hands on his shoulders.
“You look drunk. Are you drunk?” I taunted him. In a loving way, of course. But I taunted him nonetheless. He was drunk. I was happy. But I wasn’t going to talk about it in front of an arguing couple and Kael.
“I am. As you should be,” Austin told me with conviction. “It’s so good to be back.” He raised his hands in the air. His happiness was contagious, giving me a burst of energy I hadn’t felt in a while.
Austin raised his cup to mine and then moved to Kael’s. It took a second for him to register that Kael wasn’t someone he had invited.
“Hi.” Austin extended his hand to Kael. I cringed, wishing I had poured double the vodka into my drink.
“Hey, I’m Kael. Nice to meet you.” The two guys shook hands like they had just made a billion-dollar deal.
“Kael.” Austin let that one sit for a second. “Nice to meet you, man. We have drinks in here, pizza on the way. She knows where everything is,” he said, pointing at me with his cup. “You guys should come out to the living room with me.”
Kael looked at me and I shrugged. I knew it was either the best, or worst, idea to follow Austin back to the living room.
“Here, refill your drinks and come with me.”
I tried to make eye contact with Kael, but he was looking at Austin, who was asking how long he had been in the army. Austin could tell. Even without being told, he could tell.
I knew that Austin wouldn’t embarrass me by asking too many questions in front of Kael, but I also knew by the way he was looking at me that he was going to ask a hell of a lot questions later. The arguing couple disappeared down the hallway, probably to have make-up sex in the downstairs bathroom.
“I’m glad you came,” Austin said to me, leading us into the living room.
He looked at Kael again and I rolled my eyes. Austin and I mostly stayed out of each other’s dating lives. Not that there was much on my end to be nosy about. I had only had one serious boyfriend who I had decided not to think about for the night and as months passed, I realized we weren’t as serious as I thought we were. I had been told I love you by someone who meant it. Austin was different, falling in love every week. He somehow managed to stay honest about it, channeling his need and loneliness into physical contact. If it was the thing that made his life just a little better, who was I to judge? I had that same itch, just no one to scratch it.
KAEL AND I WERE SMUSHED together on one end of the couch. Not squished. Not smashed. Smushed. Austin and a guy who had introduced himself as Lawson were on one cushion; Kael and I were on the other.
“You look so familiar,” Lawson said to Kael after a few minutes.
Kael reeled off a few things that sounded like army lingo and Lawson shook his head. “No, that’s not it.”
“You say that to everyone,” Austin said. Then he grabbed a video game con
troller from a basket under the entertainment center. “Who’s ready to play?”
“Not me,” Lawson said. “Time to go. I have to be up at five for duty.” He and Austin stood up and did that handshake thing guys do where they slap their palms together and make a fist.
Once there was more room, I moved over a little on the couch. We weren’t smushed anymore, but my thigh was still touching Kael’s.
“Do you want to play?” Austin lifted a controller to Kael, who shook his head.
“No, I don’t really play.”
Oh, thank God.
“Who wants to play?” Austin asked again, holding up a controller to see if he had any takers.
The front door opened and a familiar face walked in. I couldn’t remember his name off the top of my head, but I knew he and Austin used to hang out before he went to our uncle’s house to keep out of trouble. Yeah, because that worked out so well.
“Mendoza!” Austin rushed to the door to greet the guy in the Raiders shirt. Austin always collected people around him. He was good at it.
The guy, presumably Mendoza, hugged Austin. His eyes landed on me as I stared him down. My cheeks flushed. He looked next to me, to Kael.
“Martin!” he said, pulling away from my brother. He walked over to the couch and Kael stuck his hand out between us. It took me longer than it should’ve to realize that they knew each other and that Martin was Kael’s last name.
“Thought you were staying in tonight.” Mendoza’s honey-colored eyes were on me.
“I was going to,” Kael said.
Mendoza looked at me again, then back at Kael. “Right,” he said, smiling.
“You two know each other?” Austin pointed between them. I sat there, observing. Confused. Austin was just as surprised as I was.
“Yeah, we were in basic together. And we deployed—”
“Mendoza, this is Karina,” Kael interrupted, looked at me.