“Because you’re getting your tits in an uproar over nothing.”
“My tits… over nothing?”
“That’s what I said.”
“You populating enough children to fill a third world nation is not… nothing.”
“I haven’t.”
“Whatever. I’m going back to my room. I should have known asshole-Marcum would show up,” she mutters, her voice breaking and going back to quiet, but I’m not sure it’s because of her injury or the emotion I hear causing it.
“I only have one child, Toi.”
“Marcum, I’m really not in the mood for this. I told you I love your kids. I just don’t want to discuss—”
“The only child I have that I’m one hundred percent sure of is Maxwell.”
“I really… Are you serious?”
“I was too young to be sticking my dick in any woman. Max’s mother was a piece of work, but she can’t really take the blame for that. She was in a state facility for a while. Crazy as fucking hell. I didn’t know it at the time. All I saw was a chance to fuck a good looking woman and that was a lot more appealing than my hand.”
“Jesus.”
“I didn’t even know about Max until later in life. I reached out to him, but by then he hated me. He had his reasons and really none of them were wrong.” I still feel guilt that will never go away when it comes to Max.
“He cares for you now. I’ve seen it.”
“We’re finding our way. When he got in trouble, he came to me and I’ve done everything I can to make sure he never regretted that.”
“What about the other kids? Marcum, they adore you.”
“And I love them. They’re my children. I may not have fathered them, but they’re mine either way.”
“You don’t know if—”
“Some there’s just no way. I wasn’t with them physically, but they were in a bad way. Their mothers came to me, knowing I could give their child a decent life. That sounds fucked-up, considering who I am and the way I live my life, but it’s true. It is what it is, Dragonfly. Others? I used protection, always, and I know that shit is not a hundred percent, but it’s pretty fucking effective. The truth is none of it matters. They’re mine. Kids should never feel like they don’t have someone who gives a shit about them in this life, Dragonfly. Never.”
“Like Max did?”
She sees me. Again the thought hits me, clear to the fucking bone. She sees parts of me no one ever has before and she does it effortlessly. There’s so much guilt inside of me about Max, about the fucking way he grew up. If I had known… I could have made it different. I would have been there for him…
I clear my throat, trying to sort through my brain, but all I can think is…
Toi understands me… and she cares.
Those two facts might seem small, but they feel fucking huge.55ToiThis man… There’s so much more to him than anyone realizes—more than I realized. I want to reach out to him right now, hold him close and comfort him, because I can see pain in him now where before I thought it was only hardness. It’s pain he carries around and hides. I don’t do that, however, because instead I think back over his beautiful children and how they love him, how he loves them. In his own way, Marcum saved them, he gave them a home.
He protected them.
Kids should never feel like they don’t have someone who gives a shit about them in this life, Dragonfly.
Believe it or not, I wanted to protect you…
Oh God.
I look around the room for my clothes. I’m feeling way too exposed right now. I cling to the sheet I have wrapped around me like a lifeline. I find my pants and shirt, and that will have to work. Before I can make it to the bathroom to change, Marcum scoops me up in his arms. He carries me back to the bed, despite my protesting and kicking at him. He holds me tighter, stilling my movements and sits on the bed with me. He pulls me so my legs drape over the side of his lap and then he turns my face to his.
“What’s going on in that head of yours now, Toi?”
“I’m another one of your projects,” I whisper. I can feel tears stinging the back of my eyes and I hate them. I feel raw inside, because…
Because Marcum matters. He matters so much…
I love him.
I’m such a stupid fool! I love a man and to him I’m just a little lost lamb he needs to protect!
“Motherfucker,” Marcum growls and then he leans back so he’s lying on the bed, taking me with him. He pulls me so I’m facing him, and he holds his hand at my neck, his fingers pressing into my jawline so I can’t look away. “You are not a fucking project, woman.”