“I decided tonight we’d break the rules. I want you to myself.”
“I’m not going to argue with that,” she whispers, stretching. “You changed the sheets…”
“I’m a man of many talents,” I tell her with a grin as I slide into bed with her.
“I already discovered that.”
I look at her with that reply. She’s grinning and she’s happy. I see it all over her and I love that I get that from her. I’m a selfish bastard when it comes to Toi. I want to be the only one that gives her joy like I see on her face right now. I want her completely tied to me in every way possible. It seems only fair since that’s where I’m at with her. Toi is all I think of and she’s definitely all I want. Which is why I’m about to give her a piece of me I’ve given very few people.
“I could become addicted to you,” I tell her, pulling her into my body.
She rolls to her side and holds me, her arm coming across my stomach and her head resting on my chest.
“I’m hoping,” she whispers, placing a kiss on my chest.
We lay like that for a little bit, the room quiet. I’m content in ways I’ve never been before. My fingers are sifting through her damp hair and it occurs to me I’ve never done this with a woman. In all of my years, not once have I held a woman through the night, breathed in her scent and felt like this… like my soul is at ease. My club is at war, my woman has a price on her head and the world is going to hell around me. That’s still there, but right now with Toi I’m centered, I’m calm and I’m fucking happy.
“You’re thinking way too hard,” she whispers, her voice sleepy-soft.
“Some things aren’t easy for a man to confess, Dragonfly.”
“Then don’t…”
“I want to. Fuck, as strange as it is for me, I don’t want to hold anything back from you. I’ve been telling you for a while now, Toi, you’re special to me. I don’t think you fully believe me.”
“Marcum—”
“Don’t deny it, Dragonfly.”
“I wasn’t going to. I haven’t had the experience to—”
“I noticed,” I smile, still feeling like a fucking king because I’m Toi’s only man—I don’t care what kind of son of a bitch that makes me. It’s the truth.
She slaps me playfully, and sighs.
“I just mean, you’ve had so many women, women who have—”
“Honest to God, Dragonfly, I remember none of them when I’m with you. Fuck, the longer I’m with you, I don’t remember any of them in my life. But, even if I did, you can’t judge what you and I have by the past, Toi. My past is just that. I’m giving you the future and everything I am—which, fuck, baby… It’s not a lot, but it’s yours.”
“They matter, Marcum. They’re the mother of your children and I’ve grown to care for them, even if you did kind of force me into that situation.”
“This… what we’re doing isn’t what I had planned, Toi. You need to know that. Believe it or not, I wanted to protect you from your… from Weasel. I didn’t see past that. I was a dick, I admit it—”
“You still are a dick,” she sighs and I laugh.
“That’s probably not going to change, honey. I’m too fucking old to change that much.”
“I figured.”
“Quit distracting me, woman. I’m trying to reassure my woman so I can sleep because she wore me out.”
She shifts, rubbing her body against mine and draping her leg over my hip.
“You don’t feel worn out,” she says.
“You angling for my dick, woman?”
“Maybe, but condoms this time are a must.”
“That ship has sailed.”
“No, just because it happened once doesn’t mean we can’t be careful from here on. I love your kids, Marcum, I do. I’m not adding another one to your brood.”
“My brood?”
“You could field your own football team.”
“We have a problem, Dragonfly. Because I want a child with you. Fuck, I need one with you.”
“You have kids and grandkids, Marcum.”
“But they’re not ours.”
“I don’t want to talk about this right now,” she says pulling away from me. She sits up, pulling the sheet around her chest as she goes.
“Why not?”
“Because I just gave you my virginity! The last thing I want to discuss is your strange, twisted need to have a million kids! I don’t really want to be one in a number of women who you breed and then forget, Marcum!”
“Did you ever notice that when you’re alone with me, your voice comes back? Or the fact you can yell like fucking crazy?”
“Because you make me crazy,” she huffs.
“Or maybe you feel safe with me, Dragonfly. Hell, maybe I even relax you, like you do me. You ever think of that?”
“I don’t feel relaxed right now.”