“Her virginity.”
He gives a curt nod, looking away. “I went out, preyed on someone who was hurting more than I was that night.”
“Captain’s mom.”
“She was crying, devastated. She had no family, was a foster kid who found someone to love. All she wanted was to have a child and show them a love she never knew, and she knew the life she was about to marry into meant no children of her own.”
“There are plenty of ways to be a parent that doesn’t include a fertile fucking husband.”
He gives a small nod before continuing. “I comforted her, knowing she’d break.” His sad eyes hit mine. “She was in my arms and then my bed within an hour, but she couldn’t stay long. She was getting married that night.”
Jesus Christ.
“Ravina was gone four months later but not before she got a note to me. She said she was sorry, and she had a secret she couldn’t hide if she were here.”
“A belly,” I croak.
He nods. “That was my first thought. I never understood why she’d take off. If she chose him, fine. I stayed out of her face, never stepped foot in that house again after he told me she gave him her. Her leaving made no sense to me. It really made no sense when Felix broke down months later.” Perkins eyes me.
My chest muscles constrict.
“Ravina seduced Felix that night. He said he found her stepping out of the shower, and instantly she came on stronger than she ever had. He said he tried to stop before things went further, wait for the wedding night, but she wouldn’t let up,” he whispers. “He said he couldn’t deny her, not that he truly wanted to anyway. Only after, he said she cried and asked for a few minutes alone, so he left to get some air.” Perkins meets my eyes. “That’s when he saw me outside and grew suspicious, so he masked his confusion and made sure I knew they’d slept together.”
“He slept with her that night.”
“He did, and every night that followed from there until she was gone.”
“I don’t understand.” I run a hand over my forehead, taking a few steps away. “Was he my father or not?”
Perkins gives a regretful shrug. “I don’t know, Raven. I wish I did.”
“You said she left four months after, what happened in that four months?”
“Ravina and Felix spent every minute together, looking every bit the happily engaged couple that they were supposed to be.”
“And when she left?”
“It was abrupt, caused a storm in the town. That’s when Donley called the strike on the Brays as revenge. He believed they stole her back, hid her somewhere because they changed their minds which wasn’t allowed.”
“How did he get to them?”
“They thought they were coming to hear news on where she might be but were ambushed. Everyone but Rolland died.”
Holy shit.
“Their dads... that was because my mom left?”
Because I existed?
I’m the reason they lost their parents?
Wait. So Perkins doesn’t know Rolland’s brother escaped either.
I swallow. “Did you look for her?”
“For years.”
“When did you learn about me?”
“When Rolland went to prison, which he only did because he thought it would keep you and her hidden. Felix had no idea who he was accused of raping. Your mother’s name was sealed, some back end deal made with the DA, so Felix blindly played the role asked of him by Donley, having no idea he was so close to discovering where Ravina was.”
“Did you go to her then?”
He shakes his head. “Rolland wouldn’t tell me where she was when he was sentenced, but he told me it wasn’t only her. I did the math, too, Raven.”
“She shot him,” I tell him and his head jars back. “Captain. She found out about the engagement, and she came back. She shot him, twice.”
He rushes toward me and Bass dashes from behind the other door, gripping his elbow and spinning him, throwing him against the wall with one smooth move.
“I wasn’t... I’m not gonna hurt her.” He fights to meet my eyes. “He’s alive?”
“He’s alive. She’s... not.”
His body locks and he stops moving, all the fight leaving him as the color drains from his face. He goes slack, so Bass releases him and he falls to the floor.
“I never meant for any of this to happen. I never should have told Collins about you, but he... he found the birth certificate, and I had to lie. Pretend I was hiding her, and that I needed him, but he knew about the agreement and wanted what he felt he was owed. I had to tell him you existed to protect Zoey.”
“And for that, I’ll let you keep breathing, but you need to get out of this town. He doesn’t want you around, so you can’t be. Leave, Perkins, and don’t come back unless he calls and says you can.”