Her breath was trapped in her throat, closing off her airway. She could barely hear anything he said, but a tantrum? He'd ripped out her heart and he thought leaving was some kind of childish fit? Before she could find her voice and tell him to go to hell, he thrust her away from him.
"Fucking shift now, Sonia. Do it fast and head straight back for the house. You don't have a stitch on."
"Neither do you," she hissed, suddenly aware of how naked she was.
"Do you think I want you putting on a show for everyone? Shift. Now. You pull anything like this again, or draw attention to us, I swear you'll regret it."
"Just shoot me and get it over with, don't threaten me."
He was back on her in half a second, looming over top of her, his hands gripping her biceps, fingers biting deep as he gave her a little shake. "You're talking suicide, Sonia. Fucking suicide." His voice was low but so intense it felt as if he'd roared it. If it was possible, his skin had gone pale under his permanent tan. "You're not going there. Not in your mind. Not in reality. That's unacceptable. You need to get past the emotion just enough to hear what I'm saying. I didn't know Bogomolov had anything to do with you. Already, I know I'm going to take him out. You will be safe from him. Just come back to the house and listen to me."
He had the upper hand. He'd brought six men with him, all leopards and all ready to take her down if she so much as made a move toward him. She nodded, because what else could she do? But believe him? Not so much.
Gatita took over, ignoring her mate, and started back toward the huge plantation house. Evan led the way, and Gatita followed with the others surrounding her. Sonia lost sight of Joshua, although she could smell his wild scent. He was bringing up the rear, following closely in her footsteps. She thought Gatita was magnificent. Totally magnificent. She looked like a queen as she padded through the swamp, refusing to be hurried. She set the pace and made it clear she was the one doing it.
The males surrounded her, but they couldn't force her to speed up. They didn't dare shoulder her; her mate would never have permitted it. Joshua was careful, now that she was in motion, to keep her moving. Sonia was certain he knew that if his leopard tried to reprimand her female, she would shift again and attack him.
It took a very long time to retrace their steps to his plantation. Twice, two of the leopards, one she knew was called Carter and the other Fergus, broke off from the group and backtracked, as if they suspected they were being followed. That made Sonia uneasy. She hadn't kept her voice down, not even when Joshua admonished her to. If the hunter had heard them and let loose his dogs, he might be able to track them. He had a gun. He could shoot any of the leopards, or it was possible they would have to kill him. That would be on her. An innocent man, probably one just trying to find food for his family, didn't deserve to be torn apart by leopards he stumbled across.
For the first time, she forced her mind to think beyond her own misery. Right at that moment, she thought she didn't care if Joshua died. She even thought she wanted him dead--that was until she realized a hunter could be trailing them. She didn't want anyone to die, least of all Joshua. Conflicted, so confused by her own vacillation, she urged Gatita to pick up the pace.
Fog had begun to creep through the trees, turning the dark night to a gray veil. There was little breeze and the insects were abnormally quiet, choosing to stay hidden when the pack of leopards invaded their territory. Sonia began to feel a kind of dread, her stomach knotting with every step they took. She didn't like the way the leopards were acting, taking turns to drop back and go along their back trail. She didn't like the fact that they were close to Joshua's home and she might not get another opportunity to escape.
Why are the males so uneasy?
They caught the scent of an outsider.
Did you catch it? Ordinarily, when Gatita smelled something, she shared it with Sonia.
I thought, for a moment, I did, Gatita admitted, but it is elusive and it was gone within seconds. Still, the others have checked repeatedly.
Sonia tried to think of a question that would gain her information. Talking with a leopard through images and heightened emotion was difficult sometimes. Do you believe we are being followed?
Yes.
Sonia's heart lurched. Joshua had been right to believe the hunter might hear her. He was stealthy as well. Any hunter capable of throwing seven male leopards and Gatita off his track and scent had skills.
Get moving faster. I don't want the hunter shooting at us.
I do not believe he will shoot.
Sonia blew her breath out in exasperation. Gatita was thoroughly angry with her mate. She didn't want to cooperate in any way.
I kicked him for you, Sonia reminded.
They betrayed us. There is no forgiveness. Gatita made that very clear. By not warning me that your man was like Sasha, Shadow is equally to blame.
I agree, Sonia said a little reluctantly. She didn't want Gatita doing anything that would get the male to turn on her. When they killed her, Sonia was determined they would kill the human, not the leopard, so Gatita wouldn't feel it as much.
The back of the plantation house loomed up through the gray fog. Sonia wanted to hide in Gatita's form, fear crawling down her spine. She would have to face Joshua again. It was the last thing she wanted to do, but it was inevitable.
Do you remember what I did with my cell?
It was in the "go" bag.
That was a different one for emergencies. She knew Gray had the bag around his neck. It wouldn't do her much good now. What did I do with my everyday cell, the one I use for work?
There was silence as Gatita navigated the branch leading to the upper deck. The other males fell back, making a show of circling the house so she would know she was a prisoner and if she got away a second time, she would be hunted down.
Your phone was in the master bedroom, on the little table between the chairs. There was the image in Gatita's mind.
Joshua shifted and opened the French doors to allow Gatita through, into the master bedroom. He stepped back to let them inside and then closed the double doors and locked them.
Get close to the table.
Gatita obeyed, her tail swishing dangerously as she padded across the room to the table. Sonia shifted, her hand closing over the phone as she turned to face Joshua. His face was a mask, all traces of the man who had been seemingly loving and gentle gone. In his place was a cold, hard stranger. Dangerous as hell. Scary dangerous. His eyes were that crystalline blue, but now arctic cold, so cold she shivered. One moment he was across the room from her, the next he was on her, his hand closing around her wrist like a vise. He tore the phone from her hand and flung it across the room.
"What the fuck is wrong with you? Were you planning on calling Molly? Or Bastien? Do you want to get them killed? Do you think I'd let them take you from me?"
She detested being weaker than he was. He could so easily use his physical strength against her.
Joshua threw his hands into the air, then pressed his fingers to his temples as if he had a headache. "I've had just about all I can take from you tonight," he said quietly. "Do you need to use the bathroom, because we're going to talk. We have to talk."
He sighed again and ran his hand along the bloody rake mark across his chest. He looked vulnerable. Sad. He just stood there facing her, standing ramrod straight, blood dripping from his chest. His cheek. His thigh. Her heart contracted. She was terrified of him, believed he'd betrayed her, but her heart still clenched seeing him like that.
He pointed to the bathroom. "Damn it, baby, I know you're scared and you have every reason to be, but please. I'm asking you. I'm begging you. Hear me out."
She desperately needed to get away from him. Anything would be a respite. She nodded, trying to ignore the fact that her treacherous body knew he was close. It recognized him as the one who owned it, who ruled it. She wouldn't have minded so much if it was just her body, but he owned her heart. Her soul. He'd shattered both. She thought sh
e wouldn't feel for him, but that look on his face, as if he was devastated. That moved her. That made her want to go over every word he'd said to her. To hear his voice, every nuance. She wanted to believe him. She turned and all but rushed toward the master bath.
"Leave the door open."
"I'm not leaving the door open," she protested.
He was on her again, catching her from behind, his hands on her upper arms, pulling her back to his front. Her close proximity was affecting his body the same way his was her. She felt his cock, thick and hard, pressed tightly against her. His hands were gentle on her, not hard and biting. His breath was warm against her skin.
"You all but told me you were willing to commit suicide, Sonia. I drove you to that. That man who loves you more than his own life. More than anyone's life. I'm not taking chances with you. You have to hear me out. If you still can't be with me after the threat to you is gone, I'll try to let you go. I won't lie to you. You walk out on us, my leopard will lose his mind. So will I, but I won't have you so unhappy that you contemplate taking your own life."
She closed her eyes. She couldn't take his gentle. His sweet. She didn't hear a single lie in his voice, but how could she trust herself? She didn't even trust Gatita to ferret out truth from lies. "I don't want that hunter's death on me, Joshua. Please tell the others not to kill him if he comes looking around."
"No one is going to harm him," he said. "Just get into the shower. I've gotten blood all over you."
He nuzzled her neck, pushing her hair from her nape. Each time she moved, even a little, his cock slid deliciously over her skin. She was ashamed for even thinking any kind of sexual thought, but it was far worse with her body reacting to his. She ached and burned, but more, her heart was bleeding.
"I'll take a shower with the door open," she conceded.
His hands dropped away, and he turned his back on her, pacing across the room. She noticed he didn't turn on the lights. She didn't either. She all but ran into the bathroom, straight to the shower. The hot water poured over her, and with it came tears. She didn't understand what was happening.
She loved him. Loved him. How did she see the truth through that? How did she see betrayal through that? She'd been in exactly the same situation, maybe a different kind of love, but love all the same, and the man she'd believed since her childhood had tried to kill her. Was it really a coincidence that Joshua had a meeting with Nikita? Was that even possible? She wanted it to be but . . . She didn't know what to do, what to believe.
She had a healthy sense of self-preservation. Maybe her body didn't and it still wanted Joshua the second he was close to her, but her brain screamed out to run. She didn't have that luxury so, standing under the spray of hot water, she forced calm back into the chaos. She had to think. She knew her brain was her greatest weapon. If she could think straight, she had a chance of divining the truth.
She turned away from the open door, where she kept glimpsing Joshua as he paced up and down the long, wide room. She hated seeing the blood seeping out of those rake marks, especially knowing Gatita had put them there in her defense. She hated that he kept pressing his fingers to his eyes, to his temples. She didn't like that tone of sorrow. The look of desolation on his face. Was he really that good of an actor? Sasha had been. Putting one hand on the wall of the shower, she ducked her head and closed her eyes, allowing the water to soothe her. She needed her mind to stop the chaos and let her think.
She wasn't aware of him until she felt him pressed up against her back. She started to turn, her heart beating hard, her sex clenching. His hand slammed hard into the wall beside her head, palm flat. His arm snaked around her waist and he laid his head between her shoulder blades, breathing her in.
"I told you I loved you, Sonia. I gave you more than I've ever given another human being, things about me I wouldn't want anyone else to know. I couldn't set you up for a fall. What would be the point? Baby, please. Please. Please. Just listen to me. Hear what I'm saying. Let me in past the hurt and hear me. I need you to do that."
His lips moved against her bare skin with every word. The water poured down over them. His arm was a band around her chest, right under her breasts, holding her under the spray, but it was the ache in his voice that threatened to drown her.
Tremors took hold, a thousand goose bumps, a million butterflies. She was so susceptible to him because she wanted to believe him. She wanted to hear the honesty in his voice--the hurt. And there was hurt.
"Sasha told me he loved me."
She felt the sweep of his lashes against her back. His breath was warm. "Did he? Did it feel the same? When I hold you, when I kiss you, when my cock is inside you and I'm moving in you, looking into your eyes, does that feel the same?"
She shook her head before she could stop herself. Tears were close. For him. For her. For her really fucked-up life. "I don't understand, Joshua. If you love me, why are you holding me prisoner? Why come after me when you knew I wanted to leave?"
"Nikita Bogomolov knows you're alive. He knows because I hung your painting over my fireplace. God, I love that fucking picture. I stand in front of it and just stare some days when I first get back home. I hate that he found you that way--because I wanted something of you in my home. I hate that he laid eyes on it."
His palm lifted from the wall and then slammed back down again. "You can't run from a man like that. I've done research on him. Our teams did research on him. I know far more than you're ever going to know about him because the man is a monster. He won't stop coming after you unless he's dead."
He sighed and pressed his forehead right between her shoulder blades. "I know you're hurt and confused right now, Sonia. I know it must feel like history repeating itself to you. I should have just sat you down right away and told you. Better yet, I should have blown his fuckin' head off right there in the great room. I can only tell you that I love you with every breath I take. I want you to feel that. Feel me, not them. Sort us out in your head so you know I'm real."
The arm around her waist moved so that his hand slid under her left breast, cupping the soft weight, his thumb sliding over her nipple. She told herself to stop him. She couldn't be with him, not until she knew exactly what he was, what his relationship with Nikita was, but she couldn't force her body away from him. It felt intimate. It felt comforting. It was Joshua, and she loved him with every beat of her heart. She pressed her forehead against the wall and let tears leak out, hoping the water washed them away before he could see them.
"What does that mean?" She whispered the question. Tired. Tired of being afraid. Of fighting. Of not knowing the truth.
"It means I have no choice but to kill him."
"Then Sasha would come after you. Who knows how many others? That's the way it works with them and if you researched, you would know that." She told herself to step aside, to turn and push him away, but she couldn't. She closed her eyes and savored the way his thumb strumming over her nipple sent little waves of heat shimmering through her bloodstream.
"I'm more than aware of that. I've got people watching them." He turned her very, very gently and then pulled her into his arms, so that her head was resting against his chest. "They're prepping for war."
Her heart thudded hard and panic welled up, cutting off her air supply. "I can't breathe." She felt faint. She didn't understand any of it. Why her father had chosen to rob a man as powerful and vindictive as Nikita Bogomolov. Why they had spared her mother and her. Why he'd forced her mother to sleep with him. Why her mother had let her believe the Bogomolovs were good people. Why had Sasha pretended to marry her? Or maybe actually married her. How could she be getting others killed when she hadn't done anything at all other than be her father's daughter?
Joshua reached past her to turn off the shower. He wrapped her in a towel and dried her off. "Nothing is going to happen to you. I swear to you, I'll protect you."
She had to know. She had to know who to believe. "I need the truth from you, even if it means you're going to
have to kill me because I know. Did you take over Rafe Cordeau's territory?" She needed him to say it again. To lay it out for her in black and white. "Are you in the mob? Did I somehow get mixed up with the things you told me?"
She sank down onto the edge of the bed, looking up at him as he dried off his body. Her gaze didn't stray down to look at all that muscle, at the hard length of him she loved. Her eyes stayed fixed to his.
"I took over Cordeau's territory, and yes, I am technically part of the mob."
She swallowed hard. He hadn't even blinked. He'd looked right into her eyes. There was no feel of a threat, or regret. Just honesty. She took a breath, gulping in air when her throat closed.
"There's more to it than that, and you didn't give me the chance to tell you. It's complicated, but it's a life I no longer can get out of. I tried to explain it, but you . . ." He rubbed the towel through his hair. "Understandably, you couldn't hear what I was saying."
"So, say it again." She couldn't leave. She didn't want to listen, but she didn't want to think he would sell her out to the Bogomolovs. This was Joshua, the man she'd spent night after night with, lying on the bed, talking about everything and nothing. Laughing. She'd never done that with Sasha. Sasha had treated her gently, carefully, but he'd rarely spent time with her, not even in the bedroom.
"Get dressed, baby. You're distracting sitting there with all that beautiful skin. I can barely control myself when you're covered up. It's impossible when you're sitting on a bed with your body tempting mine."
That was Joshua. He sounded sincere, as if he really couldn't look at her without needing to touch her. He made her feel beautiful and wanted. She'd loved Sasha, and she knew now, it was a love that had nothing to do with an adult woman loving an adult man. She still loved Sasha. He'd been her best friend and confidant. He'd smoothed out every rocky road. He'd never made her feel as if he couldn't wait to touch her. She'd been the one to ask him why he didn't want her in the bedroom. He'd always insisted he did, and he'd make love to her, but then he'd go away--for weeks at a time. Joshua made her feel alive and vibrant. Wanted. Needed even.