What would’ve happened if I never showed him the diary?
But I had to. I couldn’t hide it any longer.
To my surprise, both Tully and Lachlan are waiting just outside. The three of them walk me back to the mansion.
“What the hell? What are you guys doing? I’m not a child, I need to know.”
“And you will, Megan, I promise,” Nolan says gently. “But we have a few things that have to happen before we can tell you anything.”
My biggest question of all, though, isn’t one that any of them can answer.
Why did he tell me to go?
Does he not love me like I love him?
How could he just reject me like this?
My heart feels as if someone’s torn it into pieces then stomped on it. And this, this is why I never wanted to fall in love.
In love.
Bloody hell, I’ve fallen in love.
With a man who either can’t or won’t love me back. With someone who’s been a part of this brotherhood since I was born, who isn’t going anywhere.
I’m the one that has to go.
The realization makes me literally sick to my stomach. Everything that matters to me in the universe is right here. Everything.
I get back to my room and try to occupy myself, but I give up. I can’t focus or think, my mind so preoccupied with whatever’s going on. I finally plop on my bed and toss an arm over my eyes. I try to rest, but that doesn’t work either.
Down in the garden I see Maeve with Breena, and my heart squeezes. I open the door to my flat and find double the guard there I had before.
“What the bloody hell are you all doing here?”
One shrugs apologetically. “Clan orders, miss.”
I keep my voice icy, trying to keep my anger in check. “Which member of the Clan?”
“Carson.”
Of course.
He’s sent me here, apart from him. He’s got me under surveillance, with double the guard. I go back into my flat and pace, trying to clear my brain, when it comes to me.
He read something in the diary about himself. Oh, God. Oh God.
He’s the spy. And as soon as the realization hits, I know, I knew it all along.
I have to talk to Nolan. He’s the one I can confide in.
If Carson’s a spy, the brotherhood is in danger. And if he is… I’m in danger, too.
I dial Nolan, and he thankfully answers on the third ring. “Nolan? It’s an emergency. I have to talk to you.”
“You alright?”
“Aye, but there are a few things I need to tell you about.”
“I can come up to you as soon as the meeting Keenan just called is over. Can you wait? You sure you’re okay?”
I feel guilty, because he’s concerned, and I’m not harmed. Yet, anyway.
“I’m fine,” I tell him. “But what I have to tell you might even be more important than the meeting.”
He’s quiet for a moment. I hear the mumble of voices, then he comes back on the phone. “I’m on my way up.”
Three minutes later, Nolan’s sitting on the little sofa in my flat, his large frame dwarfing the small seat.
“Keenan gave me ten minutes, Megan,” he says. His face is sterner than I’ve ever seen him look, and there are bags under his eyes I’ve never seen before.
“I… I’ll be quick.” I take in a deep breath. Just thinking about what I have to tell him makes sharp pain radiate in my chest, as if someone was physically stabbing me. I push on. “I think Carson’s a spy.”
Nolan’s eyes widen, then to my utter horror, his eyes crinkle around the edges and he huffs out a deep, throaty laugh. I narrow my eyes at him.
“It nearly killed me to tell you that, because I fucking love him, and you have the feckin’ nerve to laugh?”
Nolan laughs even harder. “Oh, bloody hell,” he says. “You can’t be in love! There’s no way.”
“And why the hell not?” I ask him. I feel like I want to slap his face.
“Because it’s Carson, and he’s my brother, and that’s just fucking wrong.”
“He is not your brother, and whether or not it’s wrong isn’t up to you. Can we go back to the part where I told you he’s a spy?”
He nods. “Oh, aye. ’Tisn’t at all possible, lass,” he says, with a shake of his head. “No bloody way. I mean, Carson’s a spy, alright, but he ain’t one that’ll hurt you.”
What?
“What do you mean?” I ask. “I… I found a diary—and when I showed it to him, I thought it was ruined, and Nolan, if you read that diary, you’ll know what I do, though I daresay Carson won’t give it to you now.”
His face grows grave, as he looks to me. “Megan, there are things you don’t know about, plans we have in place. I shouldn’t say much more,” he says. “But Carson sent you home for your own good, and you’ll do well to stay safe. Just for now, Megan.” His phone rings, and he answers it. “Aye, on my way.” He hangs up the phone. “They’re waiting for me. I can’t hold off any longer. I need to go.”