But as I speed through that speech, the one I carefully rehearsed all day, so that I'd be able to say it to his face without breaking down in tears, Cannon's expression shifts.
His eyebrows shoot up, his lips parts, and by the time I finish, he's staring at me like I'm an alien who just spouted a second head. "What are you talking about, Rina?" he blurts.
My brows contract. "You said you don't want to do this anymore. I'm just saying that I understand..."
"No, Rina, no. I can't do this, meaning this bullshit No Strings Attached crap—I can't do that, because I don't want that anymore. Rina..." He reaches for my hands. Cups them gently, then runs his hands up my arms to grip my shoulders, holding me upright. Which is a good thing, because I've started to sway in place, thrown by this roller coaster of emotions. "I want you," he says.
Now it's my turn to look comically surprised, I'm sure. "What?" I manage.
But Cannon is stepping closer, running a hand through my hair, his eyes fixed on mine, and there's a sea of depth in those eyes of his that I've never seen before—a depth of feeling I never could have seen coming. Looking into his eyes, I can feel my pulse race and my heart skip a beat. "I don't know exactly when it happened," he's saying. "I tried not to. I tried to stick to what we agreed. But I couldn't help it, Rina. Being with you... It's not like any other girl I've ever been with. I fell in love with you, Rina."
"Cannon," I breathe.
"I love you, Rina. It's more than just the sex—it's everything. The way you chase what you want, no matter the obstacles—like trying for a baby even when you have to do it like this. And the way you always beat me at darts, and the way you're so damn confident in bed, which by the way, is sexy as hell too." He tightens his grip on my arms. But I can't tear my gaze from his face. My eyes brim with tears, but not the kind of tears I expected I would be shedding tonight.
Instead, they're happy tears. More than happy. Borderline blissful.
"I love everything about you. I love making you smile, I love exchanging those secretive glances with you in the office. Hell, I even love the way you plotted to set up Chris and Lacy." He half-laughs. "You're so selfless, you always put your friends first, and me, and I just..." He grimaces a little bit, now. "I understand if you're angry. I broke the rules we agreed to."
I burst into laughter, then unable to help myself. "Cannon, stop." I hold his eyes, smiling. "I broke them too. You're right. We're so goddamn compatible—and I didn't even see it, I had no idea, until we started doing this thing, and then I realized... Shit. I can't do No Strings Attached. I don't want that either. I love you, too. I want all the strings, dammit."
With a grin, he pulls me forward into another long, slow kiss. This time, the desperation is gone, replaced by something softer, sweeter. I part my lips, let his tongue slip past mine to explore my mouth, and I wrap my arms around his neck, losing myself in this embrace.
But then another thought occurs to me. I draw back slightly, just enough that we both sigh at parting. But I rest my forehead against his and force myself to hold his eye for another long moment. "Cannon, listen... Are you sure about this? Wait, hear me out," I add, when he inhales a breath to reply immediately. "Because there's a chance that you could have gotten me pregnant. After all, we've been trying, and this time, I'm right on cycle, so..." I shake my head a little, still holding his face to mine. "I mean, dating is one thing. But a baby? That's a whole other level of commitment. I understand if it's too much for you right now. I get if you want something simpler, with someone simpler."
"Don't," he says. His finger brushes along my lips, tracing them. "Don't say another word, Rina. I told you—I know what I want now. It took me time to see it, and even longer to understand what it was I was feeling, but I want you. I want you, baby and all." He slides his hand down my chest, down the center of my breasts, until his fingertip comes to rest on my stomach. He flattens his palm against my stomach, and I smile a little, leaning toward him.
"Why didn't you say anything sooner?" I ask finally, tilting my head as I consider him.
He half-laughs, shaking his head. "I didn't feel like I could tell you, because we'd agreed to that stupid NSA thing. I thought that was what you wanted. Just a sperm donor, nothing more, no emotions attached. I figured if I told you my feelings, you would be freaked out and want to back away from the whole thing. After all, it wasn't what we agreed on. And you kept asking me to keep things quiet at work, so I figured you were still on the same page."
I can't help it. I laugh again, shaking my head in sync with him. "God, we're such idiots." I smile at him, sheepish. "I was doing the same thing. I didn't say anything, because I thought it would freak you out—you agreed to fuck me and impregnate me, not get into some... relationship with me. I figured if I told you, you'd want out as soon as possible, and I couldn't imagine going on without you—"
"Neither can I, Rina. I can't picture my life without you in it. Hell." He gestures around us, and we both take in our apartment for a second. Our apartment that, for years now, has felt like a home to both of us. I guess I just never realized why it felt so homey. I never knew that it was Cannon and his friendship that kept me going through so much crap over the years. "You're already such a huge part of my life. It only makes sense that we fit so well together."
"Who knew we'd been staring at the right person all along, every day?" I laugh, and he grins, cupping my cheek in one hand to pull me into a deep kiss.
"You know," he murmurs against my mouth. "We were doing the exact same thing as Chris and Lacy."
I snort and rest my forehead against his shoulder. "God. We totally were. Both of us feeling for one another but neither one being willing to admit it first, because we thought the other didn't want the same thing..."
He grins and tilts my chin up toward his. "I'm glad we finally got over ourselves," he whispers. "Because this... This feels much better now, knowing we're both on the same page."
This time, the kiss shifts. His hands run down my sides to my top, and I mirror him, running my hands along the hem of the work shirt he's wearing. Before long, we're peeling the clothes off one another, our hands hungry, moving over every inch of each other's bodies. I tilt my head to grant him better access, and he takes it, his tongue twining with mine as his hands wrestle my shirt off, then my skirt. He tugs my bra down my arms and tosses it aside, and from the corner of my eye, I see it land on the lampshade on the far side of the room. It reminds me all over again of the bra I found discarded by one of his one-night stands, and I have to smile at the way everything has come full circle. Back then, I never would have imagined hooking up with Cannon. I figured he only ever was the way he was with those girls in relationships—he never was going to want more.
Who knew he would? And who knew he'd want it with me, the same
way I do with him?
We don't make it to the bedroom. By the time I'm unzipping his pants and pushing them down his legs, Cannon has that impatient, hungry expression in his eye. He sweeps me off my feet, swings me straight onto the couch, where he falls on top of me, his perfectly chiseled abs on perfect display as he leans back for a moment and hooks both thumbs through my panties. He eases them off me, and I arch my hips up to let him pull them the rest of the way off.
But once he tosses them aside, he keeps my hips in the air. Spreads my legs and kneels between them, leaning down to lick and bite and nibble his way up my inner thighs. I gasp when he reaches the sensitive skin right where my leg meets my hip bone, but he just bites down harder, hard enough to leave a mark, and to make me gasp and squirm.
But I love it. I love knowing that I'll wake up tomorrow morning with his marks on my skin, marks of how much he wants me.
I reach for his shoulders, trace my hands over his pecs, his abs. I dig my nails in a little, just hard enough that I'll leave marks of my own, and my grin widens when he groans in appreciation, eyes glazing over with desire. Then, before I can react, he flips my legs over his shoulders. Balances me in front of him, my hips around his shoulders and my back arched up to meet him. At this angle, my pussy is positioned directly in front of his mouth, and he takes full advantage of that fact. He licks each of my lips, from the outside in, tonguing me so my whole pussy gets wetter than I already am from his touches.
"God you taste so fucking good, Rina," he murmurs.
Then he starts to slide the very tip of his tongue along my slit. He works his way from back to front, all the way up to my clit, which he presses on gently with that dexterous tongue of his for an instant before he goes back to licking between my lips. Finally, after what feels like a maddeningly long time, he pushes the tip of his tongue between my folds, into my pussy.