I nod, knowing he’s right, but the thought of having to face these men’s loved ones is tearing me to shreds. What other high school senior is dealing with this kind of bullshit? I should be home complaining about not understanding my calculus homework.
I fall back against the chair, hating that he’s right. I have to suck it up, and while it’ll probably be the hardest thing that I’ll ever have to do, it needs to be done. They deserve that respect.
Silence falls through the car as Colton pulls me across the center console and helps me onto his lap. I find myself staring out the window, mindlessly rubbing at the red marks on my wrist from where Nic had me bound.
Realizing what I’m doing, Colton drops his hand over mine and rubs his thumb over the red mark. “You’re really having a shitty day,” he comments.
I can’t help but scoff. “That’s an understatement if I ever heard one,” I tell him, dropping my head against his chest. Unwanted images come to mind, being dragged out of the Audi, having the black bag shoved over my head. I was terrified. I’ve never felt anything like it. I don’t know what I would have done had I not seen the Widow’s tattoo. Knowing that I was going to Nic eased my panic, but for a few terrifying moments, I wondered what other enemies the Wolves have. How many people do I need to be watching my back around? “Today has been horrendous. Did I tell you that I got the paternity test results back?”
His brow raises. “To be honest, with everything that’s been going on right now, I’d completely forgotten about that.”
I press my lips into a tight line and scoot back on his lap so that I can look at him properly. I keep his hand in mine and decide that ripping it off like a bandaid is the only way to do that. “I’m really sorry,” I tell him. “I know you were excited about the idea of this baby being yours, but it’s not. It’s Jude’s.”
Colton’s head drops back against his seat as devastation pours through him. He takes a deep breath and slowly lets it out as he pulls me back into him. “It’s okay,” he murmurs, the pain in his voice tearing me apart. “I knew there was a good chance that it wasn’t mine. I just didn’t expect it to sting so bad.”
I crush my face into his chest, hating how hurt he is. “I’m sorry,” I cry. “I wanted it to be yours so, so bad.”
“I know,” he murmurs, his hand coming up my back and tangling into my hair. “But it doesn’t change anything. If you want to have this baby, then I’ll be right there by your side.”
I shake my head. “I can’t ask you to raise someone else’s kid. That’s not fair.”
Colton pulls me off him, a hand on either side of my face as he looks deep into my eyes. “Any child of yours is a child of mine. No matter what. I'm with you, Ocean, and nothing is going to change it. You and me … we’re in it for the long haul, so if you decide to keep it, just know that this baby will have a father. I’d sooner lay down my life than let you do this alone.”
The tears well in my eyes again, and I lean into him, brushing my lips over his as his love wraps around me, completely overwhelming me with emotions. “I love you,” I whisper, my lips gently brushing against his. “But the more I think about this, the more adoption is looking like my best option. I know that with you, we’d be able to give this child a great life, but I just … every time I think about it, all I can see is Jude forcing himself onto me. I think any child we have deserves so much better than that. My baby deserves unconditional love and I just don’t think I could fully give it to him ... or her.”
Colton brushes the dirty hair off my face and swipes his thumb over my bottom lip. “You know that whatever decision you want to make, you have my complete support. But have you really thought about this? I don’t want you to get a few years down the track and realize that you regret giving up your baby.”
I shake my head. “To be honest, too much has been going on that I haven’t exactly had a massive chance to really think about it, but so far, that’s what I’m wanting.”
“Okay,” he whispers. “You still have time to think it through. There’s no rush. Why don't you sit on it for a few weeks? If you’re still feeling that way then, we can start looking into adoption agencies. We’ll find the baby a perfect family that will love them like never before.”