After I rearranged the gifts for the tenth time, I headed for the kitchen where I received texts from Kinsley, Dani, and even Brock and Brant, all asking if I’d gotten the letter. I replied to each person before eating one of the sugar cookies I was taking to Jonah’s. I bit the head off the red sprinkled snowman with a vengeance. Where was the freaking courier? Didn’t he know I had other mountains to tackle today? Not to mention lips to kiss and the cutest girl to hug.
It was weird how I found myself missing Whitney as much as Jonah. That little girl had worked herself right into my heart and was planting deep roots. The kind that, if uprooted, would cause a hole that might never heal. The same kind her dad dug all those years ago, which were burrowing in deeper and deeper every day. I rubbed my chest. It hurt just thinking about us all not being together.
Positive thoughts, positive thoughts, positive thoughts. Dr. Morales’s soothing voice came to me. She said I needed to rewire my brain to think positively. I was positive I was going to go mad if that stupid letter didn’t show up soon.
Three hours later, I was beyond mad. The letter had never come this late. And I was late. Jonah’s parents wanted to eat at four. I called Jonah again. “Maybe you should start without me. I’m sorry.”
“Don’t apologize. We can wait. Are you okay?”
I laid my head back on the couch. “I don’t know. Why, out of all the years, is it late?”
“Who knows. Maybe the courier has had a busy day.”
“Or maybe this is a sign.”
“What kind of a sign?”
“Never mind.”
“Ariana, you can talk to me.”
“I know. I’ll call you later.”
“Hey,” he got in before I could hang up, “even if the letter doesn’t come, it’s not the end of the world. Maybe you should just come over.”
Tears stung my eyes. For whatever reason, it did kind of feel like the end of the world. I knew it was completely melodramatic, but I thought I might find out who my father was and why he never came for me. I was hoping this was going to be a new beginning for me.
“You don’t know what this means to me,” I said more testily than I meant to.
Jonah didn’t respond right away. “Ariana, maybe you’re right, but because it’s important to you it’s important to me.”
“I’m sorry I snapped at you,” I choked out.
“You’re stressed. I get it.”
“What am I going to do if it doesn’t come?”
“We’ll figure it out together.”
“Okay. I’m going to give it until five. Will that be all right with your parents and Eliza?”
“It will have to be.” I heard the strain in his voice, which wasn’t helping my mental state.
“I’m sorry.”
“Don’t apologize. I’ll see you soon.”
I spent the next hour pacing in front of the door, even opening it several times to see if someone was coming down the hall or up the stairs. Each time it was desolate, like my heart was beginning to feel. At five I wrote a note and plastered it to the door directing any courier or delivery person to call. It took everything I had not to cry on the drive over to Jonah’s. Why was this happening? Maybe it was a sign. A sign I wasn’t meant to move on.
I arrived at Jonah’s laden down with gifts, so much so, I could hardly see where I was walking as I approached his handsome brick house with white lights, courtesy of me, strung across his front porch. It brought me some peace and warmth just thinking about the day we put them up together. Whitney’s face had split into a huge smile when she flipped the switch and the twinkle lights reflected in her beautiful eyes. Maybe I didn’t need to know the man of my past to move forward with the man who opened his door half grinning and half harried.
“You’re here,” he said, relieved, while taking boxes and bags out of my hands.
“I’m sorry, I’m late.” I didn’t mention the letter. I had already texted him that it hadn’t come. I texted everyone else too, though I had received phone calls from my friends and grandparents. I let them all go to voicemail. I knew if I talked to anyone about it, the tears would flow and maybe never stop.
Jonah gave me a quick peck and headed for the tree to deposit every gift except for Whitney’s doll. I was keeping that in my car until after she went to bed tonight. I followed Jonah but was stopped right outside his kitchen, while he went straight to the tree.
Whitney ran to me and hugged my legs. “You’re here,” she said excitedly. She had no idea what that meant to me in the moment.