“Then why has he been sending you letters all these years?”
I shrugged. “Are you sure Mom never said anything else about him?”
They both thought for a moment before shaking their heads.
I sunk to the floor.
Grandma patted my head. “Do you want us to wait with you tomorrow?”
“No,” I sighed. I wanted to do this alone, and I would have the loft to myself. Dani was always busy delivering toys to foster kids on Christmas Eve, and Kinsley would be working late. A lot of people ate out on Christmas Eve. Jonah had, of course, offered to wait with me, but he needed to be with his parents and Whitney. I knew his parents wouldn’t take kindly to him being gone, and I already felt like I would be walking on landmines around them. “This is something I need to face by myself. I want to do like my therapist said and internalize the truth before I share it,” I explained to my grandparents.
I was hoping Dr. Morales was right, that the truth would set me free. She and I had talked extensively about it today during my appointment. And while she thought I was making good progress and was even proud of me when I’d admitted to hating my mother without making excuses, she knew I was holding back with Jonah, even if we were official. I still hadn’t told him how I really felt about him after all these years. Dr. Morales said I needed to make peace with all the men of my past, including all my mom’s loser husbands, but especially the mystery man, before I could move forward with the man in my present.
I rested my head in Grandma’s lap and let her stroke my hair.
“We love you so much,” she said. “We’re here for you if you need us. Just say the word.”
“I appreciate that, but hopefully after tomorrow I can put Roger Stanton in my past and move on.”Chapter Twenty-ThreeHas the letter arrived yet? Jonah texted for the tenth time in the last two hours.
Not yet. I looked at the kitchen clock, which said 1:00 p.m. Any minute now it could be here. I paced the apartment, wringing my hands, stopping to straighten the pillows on the couch for the hundredth time. I headed into my room. Maybe Goldie was hungry again. I approached her fishbowl and her bulging eyes begged me not to sprinkle any more food into her bowl. Fine. I sat on my bed and tapped my foot.
“What’s taking so long?” I lamented to Goldie.
I popped off the bed and headed for my standing mirror. I looked at myself and smoothed out the cream cami under the blush blazer I was wearing. I stood to the side and checked out my profile. I pulled my hair back to see what it would look like up versus down in the current waterfall curls. I hated being this nervous about my appearance, especially for people I had little chance of impressing. I wasn’t sure what I was more nervous about today, facing my past or my future.
Unfortunately, the parents and the ex-wife had arrived this morning. Where was a good blizzard when you needed one?
Let me know as soon as it gets there.
I’ll let you know. I promise.
Hurry. I miss you.
I’ll be there as soon as I can.
Apparently, his parents liked to have an early dinner on Christmas Eve.
You didn’t say you missed me, Jonah responded, making me smile.
I’ll prove it to you when I get there. I’m bringing mistletoe.
A woman of action. I like it.
I tossed my phone on my bed and rearranged Jonah’s and Whitney’s gifts I had stacked there. I had even made gifts for Jonah’s parents and Eliza—little mosaics that could be hung on a kitchen window.
I had a feeling Jonah was going to lose his mind when he opened an entire box filled with bags of strawberry and lime Skittles. They made a special holiday edition with only the two flavors, and I bought out practically every bag from the nearby grocery stores.
I was even more excited for Whitney to get her doll tomorrow from Santa Claus. From me, she was getting illustrated classic books like Little Women and Pride and Prejudice, so either Jonah or I could read them to her at night. They were better than what Jonah was reading to her now. How to Become a CEO Before You Turn 20. That was Eliza’s idea of a good bedtime story. Say what you wanted to about fairytales and coming-of-age stories, children needed to dream. And I don’t mean dreaming about owning your own Fortune 500 company. They needed to imagine and play. As silly as fairytales may be, they gave children that opportunity.
Speaking of Eliza, I wondered how understanding she was still being about all this. Jonah told me not to worry, as Eliza prided herself on always being reasonable and in control. Oddly, Jonah didn’t like that about her. He wanted her to be more emotional. I could be plenty emotional. Like right now. Where was that stupid courier with my letter? While I feared the letter for whatever reason I still couldn’t put my finger on, I also wanted to get it over with.