CHAPTER TWELVEKay lay awake in the darkness, enjoying the afterglow of their rather vigorous lovemaking. She could get used to it, but she had to admit, she still had her doubts about all of this. After her experiences with Cullen, she was hopelessly mistrustful, and she wanted to believe that all of this might be real, but she just wasn’t sure. Perhaps this was just a fantastic night together and he’d make his apologies tomorrow.
If he didn’t, then what? Did she really want to stay here and continue to pretend to be his wife? She had given up college for Cullen and look where that had gotten her. She was on the run, in a strange place, taking money from a man in exchange for helping him deceive his clan. What was in this for her? She had money now, thanks to this little farce. She could go anywhere, do anything.
The question was, did she really want to? She did love it here. This clan was so different from her own. Everyone was so kind and happy to help one another, to work together toward the common good. The real question was, if being a wife and a ranch hand was really what she wanted for herself now that she was free. Her thoughts drifted away as Bradley reached for her, draping his arm across her and pulling her close to him, again, in a cuddle.
This felt good. This felt right. Hell, she didn’t know what this felt like from one moment to the next. She had a lot to figure out, but for now, she felt completely sated and sleep was closing in. Tomorrow, she would try to figure out what all of this meant and if she could really stay here with a man who seemed so perfect, yet so flawed.
The daylight brought on a whole new set of thoughts of where she wanted to go, what she wanted to do. She still wasn’t so sure that getting tied down with a new man and possibly starting a family was for her. Bradley had said he didn’t want cubs, but he had also said he didn’t want to get married. Yet, here they were, talking about giving this a chance.
“Good morning, gorgeous,” he said, pulling her closer to nuzzle against her neck.
“Good morning,” she replied, tilting her head to bare more of her neck to him.
She might have her doubts, but with him so close, his bare body pressed to hers and his kisses along her neck clouding her thinking, it was hard to remember what they were. One thing led to another and they were enjoying a morning session that was decidedly softer and gentler than their frenzied encounter the night before.
The alarm sounded just as she was nestled into his arms, drifting off again. He hit the snooze button and settled back against her until it sounded a second time. He shut it off and groaned, pulling his arm free of her body and kissing her on the cheek.
“Sleep in, if you want. It’s your late day with the horses,” he told her.
“Nope. Plenty of other things that need to be done,” she sighed.
“Always are. It’s not the easiest life, I suppose. I guess I am asking a lot of you to stay here and be a part of all this, a clan that isn’t even your own, a place you don’t call home.”
“I don’t call any place home anymore. I no longer exist.”
“You exist to me.”
“You know what I mean,” she replied, sitting up on the edge of the bed.
“I do, but let me ask you this,” he said, walking around to her side of the bed, “Did the old you exist? I mean, really exist?”
Kay looked down, considering this. He was right. She hadn’t really existed. Her shoulders slumped forward.
“It’s all right, Kay. I haven’t existed either. Maybe we can learn to exist together. I hope we can learn to do far more than just that.”
She nodded, fighting back unexpected tears. Bradley seemed to sense she needed a moment and excused himself to the shower, leaving her to contemplate her life once more. It was something she’d done far too much of lately, or perhaps not enough, as she still wasn’t sure what she should and would do with her life.
After a moment, she realized she was stuck here. With him in the shower, there was no entrance to the hidden room on the other side. She sighed and started to slip back down into the covers of the bed, but she was wide awake now. She got out of bed and walked over to the window, looking out over the grave of Walter’s lost love where his remains had been scattered.
“What should I do, Walter?” she said aloud.
“Just let your heart take you where it will,” an imagined voice replied.