Now we’re both burnt out beyond belief. She’s sick as a dog. I’m broken and more overwhelmed than ever.
I’m at a total loss for what to do.
Late afternoon sunlight slices through my windshield, making my eyes water. I don’t care. I just stare straight ahead, wondering how the fuck I got here.
I did not handle that well back at Eva’s apartment. I shouldn’t have raised my voice with her. Shouldn’t have said those stupid, patronizing things. I just kind of…lost it.
Which isn’t like me. I can count the number of times I’ve lost my temper on one hand. But Eva makes me lose my fucking mind.
She puts me totally off my game in a way few people do. I want to make this right. I need to make it right. But the defeated look on her face when I got there, and the conviction in her eyes when she said she “wasn’t cut out for motherhood”—
Seemed like her mind was made up. Even though I call bullshit on the not-cut-out-for-being-a-mom thing. In the few weeks she’s known Bryce, Eva’s been nothing short of wonderful with her.
Then again, that’s not my call to make. You can be good with kids and not want to be a parent yourself. I get that. I get why she’d make that choice.
But God, do I wish she were making a different one. I want that so badly—I squeeze the steering wheel so tightly—it fucking hurts.
Bryce is asleep when I get home. The worst of the flu has passed, and the pediatrician assured us she’s no longer contagious. But her schedule is still out of whack. I ask Hannah if she can stay a little later, offering her that Bahamian yacht again. I need some whiskey. And some advice.
An hour later, Grey opens his front door. He’s got a burp cloth tossed over one shoulder and a half-finished bottle in his hand. Baby slung expertly in the crook of his arm, like he’s been at this dad thing his whole life.
He takes one look at me and narrows his eyes.
“You look like shit. What happened?”
“Hello to you too. I think you literally have shit on your shirt, by the way.”
Grey glances down at his henley, scratching his first finger over a stain near the hem.
“Hm. Probably.” He tilts his head. “Come in. Beer?”
“Liquor.”
“Lord have mercy. Must be serious—I’ll get the brown stuff. Whiskey, not poop.”
“I’ll go scrub up. Doc said Bryce wasn’t contagious anymore, but I don’t want to risk it with the baby.”
Grey hands me a whiskey on the rocks, and we settle into the leather chairs in his living room. Parker between us in his fancy swing-thing that quietly whooshes as it rocks him up and down. Side to side.
I wave at him. He looks at me, eyes blue and big and serious. Just like Greyson’s.
“The three Montgomery men,” I say, taking a slug of whiskey. It sits like a rock in my empty stomach. “No offense, but I think Parker is the best looking.”
“Clearly. Takes after his daddy.”
“Where’s Julia?”
“Yoga. She got the all clear from her doctor to start exercising, so she’s been trying to get out of the house more often.”
I arch a brow. “Has she heard from Eva?”
“Not that I know of.” Grey sips his whiskey, cutting me a look. “Why? Something happen? Talk to me. I hate seeing you like this.”
I swallow. Take another long pull of whiskey. Then I tell him everything. About how Eva didn’t want kids, and how she came around to the idea of considering them. About how we fell in love all over again. About her parents and the deadline for the cookbook and all the effort she put into being an involved, present person in my daughter’s life.
By the time I’m done, shards of glass crowd my throat. I’m a little drunk thanks to Grey, who keeps refilling my empty glass with more whiskey.
I’m more lost than ever. And more tired. Christ am I exhausted. I feel this sense of weariness I haven’t felt since running into Eva back in June at the baby shower.
How much more do I have to push?
How much longer do I have to keep working myself to the bone?
“We’re just so goddamn overwhelmed all the time,” I continue. “Both of us. Eva’s finishing up her book. I’m working my ass off at Montgomery Partners. There are so many great opportunities out there right now, it’s difficult not to get involved. I enjoy the work. A lot. It’s nice being back in the saddle. But between the hours at the office and the entertaining and then Bryce and now Eva…don’t get me wrong, it’s all really, really great stuff. I just feel crushed by it all, and clearly so does she.”
Grey nods, glancing at Parker when he lets out a little yelp.