Jude shifted in his chair. “The guy was a lunatic, and he was only roping you guys into the games to get unwilling actors for his videos.”
“How do you know that?”
“Who do you think got him out of the picture?”
Jordan stared at him, his mouth opening and closing. “What did you do?”
This time Jude couldn’t meet his eyes. “Nothing you need to worry about.” As it was, he’d be worrying about it the rest of his life. There was no need for Jordan to know the entirety of what had transpired. Even Jude didn’t know what Rowe had done to cover up everything, and it was probably better that way.
They were both silent for a few moments, and the heavy weight of it all felt like a thick fog around Jude.
“Jude?” Jordan asked quietly.
He looked up.
“Did you…did you see the video?”
Jude nodded, his stomach churning.
Jordan closed his eyes. “Oh, God. I’m so sorry. Mana didn’t see it, did she?”
Just the thought of that made Jude more nauseous. “No, but she knows about it, because we had to turn it over to the authorities to get the other man in the video behind bars. You really didn’t think I’d just let something like this go, did you?”
“I didn’t think you’d ever know about the video!” Jordan bit out. His cheeks had flushed with anger and he was gripping the blanket in two fists. “I didn’t think it would be a site you’d ever visit. The odds of you happening upon it were astronomical.”
“Well, we only found out about it after tracking Anthony down. He’s the one who told us about the site.”
“I wish he hadn’t done that.” Jordan shivered and pulled his blanket up higher. “I hate that you saw it,” he whispered, his gaze flitting back and forth from Jude to his lap.
“So do I. But I hate that you were the one who suffered through it more. We’re both going to need therapy over this, and you will go if I have to take you myself.”
“No, I’ll go.” He looked out the window and his throat moved in a hard swallow. “That messed me up. In my head. I may have been stupid getting myself involved in that, but I’m smart enough to know I need help now.”
“Good.” Jude leaned forward and reached out to lay his hand on the edge of the bed, palm up. He felt a little of his tension ease when Jordan took it. “I don’t want you to ever think you can’t come to me. For anything. Please.”
“God, Jude, you have this perfect life, and I didn’t want to mess with that.”
“Nothing you could do could ever mess with my life. I love you so much, Jordan. Brothers are supposed to be there for each other. If not me, you could have gone to Carrick.”
“He didn’t have the kind of money to help me and as far as I know, you don’t either. Your doctor maybe, but this was my problem to fix. I just went about it the wrong way.” He tightened his fingers.
“When you have a problem, you ask for help. It doesn’t make you less of an adult. Just a smart one.” Jordan looked at him a bit dubiously and Jude gave him a small smile. “If you had any idea of the kind of shit Snow and his friends got into.” Jude paused and just shook his head.
“What? Really? What kind of stuff?” Jordan asked, showing the first little spark of his old self.
“No, not now. That’s Snow’s to tell, and it’s not the point. The point is that they ask for help all the time. They rely on each other, and that’s what we should do, always.”
“I know. I’m sorry, Jude. I should have reached out. Said something.”
“We will always be there for each other.”
Jordan sighed, closing his eyes for a moment as if he was running out of energy. Almost as quickly, his eyes popped open again and he frantically looked around the room as if to reassure himself of where he was. When he met Jude’s gaze again, he frowned. “I didn’t know that would affect me as much as it did.”
“Bad dreams?”
Jordan nodded and his bottom lip quivered briefly. “The worst. It’s like I relive it in my mind every night.”
“Oh, Jordan.” Jude put his other hand on top of their joined ones. “Promise me right now that if you ever get into trouble again, you’ll come to me first. Promise.”
“I promise.” Jordan cleared his throat again. “But I’d like you to tell me what happened. How did you track Gene down?”
“Through a series of trial and error. Once we started poking into what happened, he came after us. Kidnapped Snow.”
“What?”
He hadn’t thought Jordan could go any paler, but he did.
“They didn’t…he didn’t…please tell me that what happened to me did not happen to him.”