Jude had experienced a couple of nightmares so he could only imagine what Jordan felt. To have gone through something like that…it fucking broke Jude’s heart. And some of Jude’s nightmares involved that room with Snow in the bed. He knew Snow would have fought like hell, but in his dreams, all sorts of horrific scenes played out. And he wasn’t the only one. Snow was waking at night again.
He ran his hand through his hair and stared at his brother. “Why didn’t you come to me for help?” he finally asked as he leaned forward, his elbows on his knees.
Jordan hadn’t met his eyes, and he still didn’t then. He stared down at his hands on the white, hospital blanket as he remained silent for several long moments. He finally took a deep, shaky breath. “I’m supposed to be an adult. I told myself that I needed to take care of it myself.” Jordan paused and heaved a heavy sigh. “It started out as just getting together with a few people. We’d sit around, tell stories, joke, and play some hands of poker. I was winning a lot. Thought I was pretty good at it.”
“You probably were, but I have a feeling you fell in with some people who were cheating. What happened with your friends? Brian? Emily?”
Jordan balled his hands into fists but winced in pain and instantly relaxed his fingers again. “You don’t get it. Growing up around you and Carrick. No matter what I did, how old I was, I felt like a little kid. I thought after I got out of high school, got my own place and a job, that feeling would go away. But it didn’t. I’d sit around playing video games with Brian or hang out with Emily, and I felt like I was still in freaking high school. Because I was doing the same things I did during high school.”
“And then somewhere along the way, you met Anthony.”
Jordan’s eyes jumped up to Jude’s face in surprise. “Yeah. We hung out and played poker. He had older friends that also got together and played on weekends. When I was with them, I didn’t feel like a little kid pretending anymore. They treated me like an adult. Respected me like an adult.”
“Was Anthony the one to introduce you to Gene?”
“No, it was someone else we played cards with. It didn’t start out bad. I was winning kind of regularly, and Gene just seemed like this nice guy.”
Jude’s stomach turned at the mention of Gene and his fake façade. Of course he’d seemed like this nice, normal family guy in the beginning. It was all about getting Jordan to trust him, luring him in. “What happened?”
“After a few months, I started losing. It wasn’t a lot, but I got in a hole and I couldn’t cover it. I was going to stop playing, but Gene told me about this big tournament they had right after Christmas. The pot would get me out of the hole and give me a nice little nest egg, but I didn’t have the buy-in money, so Gene said he’d cover me.”
“I’m guessing you lost,” Jude said softly.
“Bad.”
“Why didn’t you come to me then?” Jude pressed.
“Because I’m an adult!” he said raising his voice. He broke off in a fit of coughing. Jude jumped up to get him a drink, but Jordan waved him away, back to the chair beside his bed. “Because it was my mess. I owed the money and wanted to take care of it myself.”
“Like that?”
His lips tightened. “I didn’t know it was going to be like that. I thought…I thought it would be getting slapped around and…fucking. I had no idea—” his voice broke and he cleared his throat and was silent a few moments before he swallowed and said, “I had no idea what I’d gotten myself into. I still don’t know why Gene tried to kill me. I wouldn’t have talked. Why would I want anyone in the world to know about that?”
Jude stared hard at his brother, hating that he seemed so ashamed with him. “He killed your friend, Anthony, too. Did you know that?”
Jordan’s head snapped up and he finally met Jude’s gaze. “No, I didn’t. Why didn’t you tell me before now?”
“I didn’t think you were strong enough for this conversation until now. Plus, with our family, there’s hardly ever a quiet moment.”
His skin washed pale. “Fuck. Poor Anthony. He wasn’t really that bad of a guy. Just stupid when it came to gambling. Like me. But I didn’t think he’d owed as much. How did you find out?”
“I was there when he got shot. Snow and I tried to save him, but the damage was too bad.”
“Why the hell did Gene do that? What possible reason did he have for coming after us like that?”