People didn’t coddle Snow. Ian spoiled him at times but that was different. Ian had this sweet, almost perfect nature. Like Ian, Jude had that natural caretaker instinct, but his came with more of a possessive he-man mentality that Snow had no idea would turn him on so very much.
He made Snow want things he’d never truly admitted—not even to himself.
“You know you want it,” Jude taunted.
Snow blinked and realized Jude had been holding the fork to his mouth. Snow hesitated, unable to open his mouth and be fed like that.
Jude chuckled, how voice low. “General, I was balls deep in your ass fifteen minutes ago. Share a fork with me.”
“It’s not sharing the fork,” he muttered but he took the bite. With a glare.
“I know.” Jude outright laughed as he stuck the fork back in the dish, then awkwardly leaned down to kiss Snow hard on the mouth. “I find your natural prickly nature hot as Hell. Did I tell you that?”
“You didn’t have to. You came after me, remember? I know exactly why everyone calls me the surgeon general at work. Don’t give a shit, either.”
“Yeah, you do.” He took a bite of food then held out another forkful for Snow. “Feeding a hot, naked doctor in my bed is one of my all-time favorite fantasies.”
“Really?” Snow murmured between chews. He smirked. “I bet what you’re feeding him doesn’t usually come on the end of a fork.”
“We’ll get around to that next dish soon. First, we’re going to try and cram into my ridiculous shower. It’s time we share personal things about each other and one of my biggest kinks after wall sex is shower sex.”
“Your definition of kink and mine differ greatly.”
“You know, I’ve heard that about you.”
Snow frowned. He’d never cared before, what a man in his bed had heard about him or thought about him. But he’d never really had a man in his bed like this. More than a couple of times—sharing food and tender touches. “Before or after we got together.”
“Before. Nothing concrete, General, so don’t start worrying. But there was a rumor or two floating around the hospital about you being rough—and recently when you showed up with bruises, they started back up again.”
He knew he needed to explain, he just wasn’t sure how. “I like sex in all its forms, but I—” He paused, twisted his lips into a self-deprecating smirk. “I have a few anger issues.”
Jude didn’t say anything, just watched him quietly.
“Yeah, so not surprising and we’ve touched on that before. I don’t even know how to explain because I don’t understand myself.” He held his breath, wanting to share for the first time in his life and getting the words to actually pass his lips took a few moments. “I didn’t have it easy growing up. Not that a lot of gay men did, but my family was overly religious.”
“They beat you?”
“Sometimes.” Snow shrugged. “Mostly they just shouted and prayed and generally made me feel like I wasn’t worth the air they breathed. My father…he found me utterly disgusting. He was so ignorant. So, so ignorant.” He shifted on the bed, not able to tell him about his mother. Not yet. “There was this one time he actually took Lucas and me to lunch at a fast food place. Lucas was a confident teen—overprotective.”
“I could see that.”
“It was before I’d told my father I was gay, but he knew. The kid ringing up our order was someone we kind of knew from high school and he’d been beaten. He was so effeminate, everyone knew he was gay. I always felt bad for him because he couldn’t hide as well as guys like me. He looked so bad that day. His lips were purple and swollen and one of his eyes wouldn’t even open.”
Jude tugged him closer.
Snow settled against his chest. “My father actually told us that the kid’s face had swelled because he’d given someone a blowjob.”
“And gotten beat up?”
“No, that God had punished him for doing it. Like it was some kind of spiritual allergic reaction to actually putting his mouth on someone’s dick.”
Jude growled. “That’s such bullshit.”
“What’s sad is to this day, I don’t know if he said that to try and scare me into being straight or if he really believed that. He believed the most incredibly stupid things.”
Jude gave him another bite of food. Snow, remembering what happened next that day, barked out a laugh. “Lucas called him an idiot, then asked the kid out on a date. Right in front of him.” He shook his head. “After that, he did his best to keep me away from Lucas.” He’d done worse. He’d confined Snow to his room, only letting him out for school and the praying relatives. He’d been a ghost in his own home for years.