I’d never had a man who wanted to be stuck to me like glue.
Somebody who would always be there when I needed him.
A guy who I could tell anything to, and he’d just be there to support me without any kind of judgment.
It was pure torture to just throw that all away.
“What happened? Tell me,” he said persuasively. “I’m not leaving until I get the real story, Riley.”
I continued to pace. “You make me crazy, do you know that? You came barging into my life, all hot and gorgeous, and then proceeded to turn that life upside down. I’ve never once heard you say a single thing that I’d consider a criticism. You’re pretty much perfect. Well, maybe except for the fact that you’re the most stubborn guy I’ve ever known, but even that’s usually an asset for you, since it helped you get your siblings raised.” I took a deep breath. “Some woman should have snapped you up a long time ago and been damn grateful she had you in her life, rich or poor. I really don’t understand why that hasn’t happened.”
“Maybe because I’ve been waiting for you?” he suggested.
I stopped and glared at him. “See! You see that? Even when we’re both pissed off, you still say something nice. Y-you’re almost flawless, Seth. And I have a ton of faults. Lots of them. A ton.”
I felt my body running out of steam, but I was still walking back and forth like a woman possessed, releasing emotions that I hadn’t even realized were gnawing at my soul.
All of the things coming out of my mouth had never been planned, none of them the reason I’d been avoiding Seth. Or so I thought.
At first, I’d thought that distancing myself from Seth was for his benefit, and maybe it partially was.
Now, I realized it was my way of running away from something that was going to demolish me in the future if it didn’t work out.
All of my other excuses aside, it was me who didn’t feel like I was good enough for him.
I wasn’t protecting him; I was guarding myself after my visit to the clinic.
“I’m still waiting for you to tell me exactly what happened, Riley,” he said in a husky but patient voice.
“You even know when something is eating at me,” I mumbled unhappily.
“You know when something is bugging me, too,” he answered. “We’re connected like that, sweetheart.”
He was right. We were. And it scared the shit out of me.
The way I loved him, the intensity of those emotions that I’d never felt before, was terrifying.
“Well, we need to get unconnected,” I told him.
“Not going to happen,” he said doggedly. “Now explain.”
I stopped, folded my arms across my chest, and stared at him. “Can’t it just be a case of me figuring out that we’re all wrong for each other?”
He shook his head. “No. You’re running. But I’m not letting you go very far.”
Seth reached out, snaked his arm around my waist, and tugged.
My ass landed beside him on the couch ungracefully.
“Talk,” he demanded.
“Okay. Fine. You want to know what happened? I’ll tell you. I-I missed a period. So I went to the doctor. The chances of me being pregnant were pretty damn slim since I’m on the pill, but I had to know the truth. Neither one of us wanted children. I knew it was going to be a disaster for both of us.”
Seth tightened his arm around my waist, buried his other hand in my hair, and forced my head up. “Look at me, Riley,” he demanded. “Fucking look at me.”
Our eyes met, and I got lost in the fierceness of his gaze.
I saw a thousand different emotions in those expressive, ashen eyes of his, and I had no idea which one was the strongest.
“Are. You. Pregnant?” he rasped. “Goddammit! Tell me the truth. Do you really think I’d let you walk away from me if you are? That I’d just ignore the fact that you are having my child?”
Deep inside, I knew he wouldn’t. Seth would be the polar opposite of a deadbeat father. Like it or not, he’d be a good father.
“Riley,” he growled, his eyes drilling into mine.
My heart was galloping in my chest, and my body shuddered. “I’m not, Seth. I’m not pregnant.”
“Then why are you so upset?” he asked gruffly.
“Because when I heard that I wasn’t pregnant, I was actually disappointed. I should have been relieved, but I wasn’t. Somewhere between my panic and the final results, I warmed up to the idea of having a child. Our child. I don’t know what in the hell happened, but I nearly mourned a baby who was never there. It’s crazy. You don’t want kids, and neither did I. But something . . . changed. Now I’m afraid that if we stay together, and I get pregnant in the future, I’ll be happy, and you won’t. It would tear us apart, Seth.” I felt tears rolling down my cheeks, and I didn’t even try to stop them.
When I’d realized how badly I wanted his child, it had killed me to know that he wouldn’t have wanted it. Yes, he would have stepped up as a father. But it certainly wouldn’t have been something that he’d initially wanted.
He wrapped both arms around me and pulled to bring my body flush with his. “So you’re upset because you might want to have my child someday?”
I nodded. “I’m sorry. I didn’t think I’d ever feel that way.”
“Jesus, baby. Don’t be sorry. I’d love nothing more than to see a beautiful, redheaded child with your eyes looking back at me.”
My head jerked up. “You said you didn’t want to have kids. You’ve raised your siblings. I thought you didn’t want to be a dad. At all. Ever.”
I searched his face, but I didn’t see a moment of hesitation or doubt in his expression.
He was deadly serious as he said, “I never said that I didn’t want kids someday. All I said was that I was completely okay with your decision not to have any. And I was okay with that. Just like I’d be fine if you changed your mind. You’re my priority, sweetheart. With or without kids in our future, I want you.”
I let out a sob and slammed him in the chest with my fist. “God, I hate it when you say something like that.”
Okay, I loved it, and I hated it.
“Why?” he asked, sounding genuinely confused.
“Because you’re so willing to accept me either way,” I wailed.
He pushed my head into his chest as I cried. “I know your history, Riley. And whether or not I have kids isn’t really all that important to me. Although having my baby in your belly definitely isn’t an unpleasant thought. I’d love to have children, but I’m good if you don’t want that, too. Why would I make a big deal over something that isn’t all that important to me as long as I have you?”
What in the hell could I answer to that statement? Maybe if I hadn’t freaked out, I probably would have accepted him either way, too, if his decision was that important to him. Granted, I’d warmed up to having children, and I realized that I really did want to have Seth’s child, but I would have respected that he didn’t. He was my priority, too.
I sniffled and raised my head. “I have to tell you something.”
“Shoot,” he encouraged.