“I really hope he can get past this.”
“He will.” I searched her eyes for a hint that Kiara needed me. “Will you be okay?”
“Of course. You need to handle this. I’ll be fine. I am.”
I kissed her slowly, trying to decide if I should ask Savio to go in my stead.
“I am fine,” she said firmer. “Go. Handle things.”
KIARA
I watched Nino and Fabiano drive off then returned into the house. Serafina was on the terrace with the twins and Leona, and Remo and Savio were in the gaming room, discussing Adamo. For a moment I considered going outside, distracting myself from the nagging thought that wouldn’t leave me for two days.
Only two days.
My period was overdue for only two days and yet I couldn’t stop thinking about it, even if it had never meant anything in the past. I wanted it to mean something, to mean that I was finally pregnant. At some point, it just had to work. It had to. I touched my belly and shook my head.
Crossing the entrance hall, I locked myself in the guest bathroom with one of my pregnancy tests from my stash. Ten minutes later, I stared down at the small window as disappointment shattered my heart into tiny splinters. Not pregnant, again.
I felt sick and desperate. Trying to hold back tears, I stumbled out of the guest bathroom and toward the gaming room to fix myself a drink at the bar. I hardly ever drank hard liquor, but right then I wanted to numb my sadness. Luckily Savio and Remo were no longer in there. They’d likely joined the rest on the terrace.
Reaching for the first bottle I could get my hand on, I poured myself a generous glass and managed to down half of it before I started to cough. Tears finally burst forth and I wasn’t sure if they were because of the alcohol or because of the hollowness in my chest, this crushing feeling that the one thing I wanted most wouldn’t come easy for me, or at all.
Remo came into view, coming in from the garden. I quickly wiped my eyes and rushed away, wanting to drown in my misery, but his steps sounded behind me and eventually I gave up escaping because it was futile anyway. Remo never gave up and I was tired of running. Sniffling, I leaned against the wall and slowly slid to the floor. His legs came into view, but he didn’t say anything. I could imagine him watching me.
“Since you hate extensive displays of emotions, you should leave. It’ll only get worse from here.” Even to my own ears, I sounded bitter.
Remo sank down across from me, holding my half-full glass. He scanned my face and looked at the pregnancy test in my hand. I hadn’t even realized that I was still clutching it like a memorial of my failure to conceive. I held it out to him so he could see the result.
“You’d think it would get easier. The disappointment after getting your hopes too high once more.”
Remo took a sip from my drink, then swirled it in the glass.
“That was mine.”
“You left it standing there. It’s a limited edition Don Papa rum that costs a fortune. I’m not leaving it there so Adamo can desecrate it into a fucking Cuba Libre.”
I choked out a laugh and held out my hand. “I need another sip.”
Remo handed the glass to me and I took a large gulp, shuddering at the strength of the alcohol. “Fucking waste of good rum. You hate hard liquor.”
“I do,” I said and returned the drink to Remo. “I thought it would help.”
Remo smiled. “When has alcohol ever helped with anything?”
“It can help you forget.”
“For a few hours, but it lets you crash all the harder when you remember again.”
I bit my lip, knowing he was right. Adamo had been trying to cope the same way and I could see where it had gotten him. “We’ve been trying for so long.”
Remo tilted his head in consideration. There was no pity in his eyes, which was good, and why I loved talking to Remo. “Is Nino shooting blanks?”
I blinked, still, after all this time, stunned by Remo’s directness. “I don’t know, but I don’t think it’s him. It’s my fault. I just know it deep down. Something is wrong with me. Maybe I don’t deserve to be happy. First my parents, then Durant and now this…” I started gasping in air as despair and sadness crowded in my chest. I couldn’t believe I’d said those words aloud. They’d been haunting me for a long time now.
“Kiara, stop it.”
I couldn’t. Remo grabbed my ankle, startling me. My head jerked up. He rarely touched me. I swallowed as I focused on his face.
“It’s no one’s fault, and nothing’s fucking wrong with you, got it?”