She pushes past me and stops at our apartment door. “Like you can stop me?”
“So you’re walking out over this lie? This one stupid, meaningless lie?”
“First of all, it’s not meaningless. Maybe it’s not Earth-shattering, but it’s not meaningless. Because relationships are all about trust and now I’m having doubts.”
“Welcome to my world.”
She snorts. “Welcome to your world? So you’re having doubts about me? Then just break it off if I’m not the girl you want. I’m clearly not what you’re into, Ronin. I mean what the f**k was all this baby shit today?”
“This was about Elise, not us.”
“No? You know I’m not ready to think about this shit and you don’t even care! You have no idea how f**king confusing it is to be around Elise right now. To watch all you guys get excited over this baby and have to feel… nothing. I can’t feel anything, OK? And all you guys are gushing about cribs and stupid outfits and baby bedding, for f**k’s sake!”
Well, that’s not what I was expecting. “So this isn’t about the photoshoot I did with Clare last week?”
She sighs. “Yes, of course it is!”
“I’m officially confused.”
“Forget it, OK? I’m not gonna throw a temper tantrum and start a huge fight over it, so just forget it. You just do your thing and don’t worry about me and I’ll do the same. How’s that?”
She reaches over to punch the code in the door and I grab her wrist and pull it away. “Hold on,” I say calmly and wait for her to look me in the eye. “I’m not even worth an argument? Really? You just want to get as far away from me as you can right now so you can avoid… what? Dealing?”
She laughs. “Oh, I’m not dramatic enough? Is that it? You want me to fight with you?”
“No,” I say gently as I lower her hand and bring it to my waist, forcing her to touch me. “I want you to fight for us, Rook. You never want to fight for us, you just want to walk away whenever it gets hard. And dammit, this is not hard, Rook. This life we’re living right now is f**king paradise. So how will you act when the shit gets out of control? Will you just leave me when I need you most? Because I’d never leave you. I hope you know that, Rook. I’d never walk out. I’d fight for you every single time. You’d never even have to wonder if I’d be there because I’d show the f**k up before that thought could ever cross your mind. I want you, I’d risk everything for you. I already told you I’d wait. Whatever it takes, however long it takes. I’m still gonna be here. I do want babies, I do want you as my wife, but I can live with a promise.”
She swallows and looks down. I take her other hand and press it against my waist so she has to turn and face me.
“What I can’t live with is you sabotaging our relationship every time you feel uncomfortable. Eventually, you’re gonna have to f**king figure this shit out. Because the thought of you walking out on me just tears me up.”
And then I take her purse off her shoulder and drop it on the floor so I can slip my arms around her and pull her close. “I’m sorry about the Clare shit. I’m sorry that I lied earlier. I just didn’t want to talk about it right then, that’s all. I was stalling for time. Of course I was gonna tell you, but it’s sort of a long story and I didn’t want to tell it right then.”
She leans her head into me and I play with her hair a little as I talk. “Stop with the Clare jealousy, OK? I know she’s irritating, I realize she’s probably baiting you to piss you off, but I’m not interested in her. At all. She’s living in a fantasy and I’ll set her straight tonight and let you watch if you want. Because I have no problem fighting for us. None.”
Rook stays silent for a few seconds and relaxes against me a little more. I sigh as she begins to speak softly. “I was pissed about the Clare thing because she knew I didn’t know and it makes me feel so stupid. I felt so foolish that she knew you were keeping a secret from me. And I’m not a very confrontational person so my first reaction is always to run away. I know that. I get it. I’m just not sure how much I can do about it. When I get scared, I run. And so much about you—about us—scares me. It makes me want to just give up so I don’t have to deal with it.”
I tilt her chin up gently so she looks me in the eye. She fights it for a second, then relents when she realizes I’m not gonna let her get away with it. “I really don’t need much, babe. Just make me feel that I’m worth something. That you’ll take a risk on us, like you said on the phone the night I dropped you off at Spencer’s. I just want to know that when things start to look hopeless you’ll still be willing to show up and give it your best, ya know? At the very least, be willing to put in an appearance. I mean, I’d love it if you just stuck to me no matter what for everything, but seriously, I’d settle for a half-hearted try right now.”
She pushes her head into my chest. “So you want me to be your Shrek?”
I can’t help it, I bellow out a laugh. “What?”
“You know? When Shrek is rescuing Fiona—”
“Does it always come back to a movie with you?”
“—and he chains up that bitchy dragon named Clare—”
“You are too much…”
“—and breaks Fiona out of the tower. You want me to be Shrek and fight for you, get you out of that stupid tower, fine. I’ll work on it.”