I pull the keys out, dropping them in his hand. All I want to do is pull him into bed and fall asleep while he holds me. I haven’t even processed everything that happened yet, and I don’t want to. The only thing I want is to feel safe in his arms and deal with everything else later.
He opens the door, turning off my alarm. I follow him in, flipping on the light. He keeps moving through my place, looking everywhere. Always the protector.
“You’re clear.”
“If there is no threat it should be clear right?”
“It’s a habit to check.” He runs his hand through his short hair. He looks exhausted. He needs sleep too.
“Are you hungry?” I ask. He shakes his head no. “Then let’s go to bed.” I take a step toward him, and I swear I see him tense up. I remind myself that he too has been through a lot today.
He is blaming everything that happened to Laura and me on himself. Which is crazy. Those two would have gotten to me eventually. They were people I trusted and who were in my inner circle. I never even suspected them. I thought they were not only my colleagues but my friends.
I push those thoughts aside, not willing to let myself think about their betrayal. My guard had been down around them. I was lucky Gabe had been there with me already. His stalking me and wanting to be close to me worked out in our favor.
“It’s been a crazy day, and I need you to hold me.” I think he needs me to hold him too. He clears the space before dropping a kiss on my mouth, making me feel ten times better already.
I grab his hand, leading him back toward my bedroom. I’m a little disappointed that I have a queen sized bed. I loved using him as my bed last night. It was the best night of sleep I’ve had in a very long time. He is the only one that can do that to me. When it’s only the two of us, my mind stops racing and all I focus on is him.
I pull off my clothes, not shy about my body with him. The way he always looks at me lets me know he likes what he sees. When he’s looking at me at least. Today his eyes haven’t lingered on me for long.
I grab my oversized college T-shirt and slip it on. I wear it most nights. The crimson colored Harvard written across the chest is fading away at this point.
When I turn back to Gabe, he’s got his shirt off along with his shoes. Was he really going to leave tonight? I interrupted him before he could tell me that he wasn’t. I need him tonight, and more than anything I need to know what’s going on with him. I’m new to this whole dating and relationship thing.
I pull the blankets back, slipping into bed. He goes around the other side as I flip the light off. I feel the bed dip down as he gets in. I hold my breath, wondering if he’s going to touch me.
When his big arm wraps around me, pulling me into his chest, I’m once again filled with relief. I snuggle in closer to him, breathing him in as I try and find sleep. I shift my legs, starting to get restless.
Before I know what’s happening, Gabe is on me. His mouth brings me to orgasm not once or twice but three times. He devours me like he can’t get enough. The last thing I remember is my eyes feeling heavy and letting sleep take me.
When I jerk awake, I sit up, instantly knowing he’s not here. The smell of him still lingers on my sheets.
It was a goodbye. I realize. That’s why he’d been so relentless between my thighs. He knew it would be the last time. I pull myself from the bed, needing to shower. I can smell him all over it, and it only makes me ache more for him. When I’m done, I strip the bed, shoving everything into the washer.
I will myself not to cry. Is this what love is? It hurts. Why do people do this to themselves? Why did he leave me? I look at myself in the mirror. My hair is still damp from the shower. I know I can be odd at times. I tend to miss some social cues. I thought he saw past that. I’d actually kind of hoped he found it endearing.
I don’t know how long I stand there, but it suddenly hits me. I rush to my bedroom, getting dressed quickly before grabbing my bag and heading out the door.
When I make it to my lab, I’m happy to see it’s been cleaned up. I waste no time getting what I need. This is going to be a bittersweet day.