I sat next to Jared at the counter, the same place I had intended for us to eat last night before dinner took a very different turn. Since I hadn’t planned for breakfast and I normally didn’t eat more than an egg, I had to improvise. Fortunately, I’d found some rosemary biscuits in the freezer, which I’d toasted. I’d then scrambled some eggs and green onions and mushrooms, and I’d served a grilled tomato on the side.
“Jesus, your cooking just keeps getting better,” he said, glancing up from his half-eaten plate, reaching for his mug of coffee.
“Thank you.” I set down the other part of my biscuit and began to cut the tomato. “Wait until you really experience me eating.”
He stared at my mouth and smiled. “You say that like it’s an event.”
We both started to laugh, and it was needed since there had been only seriousness this morning.
“I just mean, it’ll be fun when I can really join you,” I clarified.
Food was going down my throat, and it all tasted delicious. Those were vast improvements, but I still wasn’t there yet, and his face told me he knew it too.
“I think it’s tied to flying.”
I nodded. “I think you’re right.”
His other hand went to my face, and he turned me toward him a little more. “Then, come flying with me. It will fix all of this.”
My heart slammed into my chest. My hands tingled.
As I looked him in the eyes, I wanted so badly to give him the answer he wanted to hear.
But I couldn’t.
I wasn’t ready.
He leaned forward and put his lips on my forehead. “It’s okay. I know.” He stayed like that for several seconds until he added, “Billie, I have to go to work.”
I had known his departure was coming. He was already dressed, his phone in his pocket, the sound of it going off almost nonstop.
“Thank you for breakfast … and for last night.”
He pulled back after he exhaled over my face, and his eyes almost took my breath away. They were haunted, so painfully intense. And as his struggle, I was the reason for it.
“You’re welcome,” I whispered, and then I got off the stool. “I’ll walk you out.”
A sadness seeped into my chest as I moved through the kitchen toward the front of my apartment. When I got to the door, I held it open, and he stopped in front of me. His hands went to my waist, and he kissed me. It only took the smallest touch of his lips to reheat the passion that had pulsed between us last night.
“Billie …” he said softly, backing away. “I’ll talk to you soon.”
And then he was gone.
FORTY-SIX
HONEY
FALL 1986
“THE ANTICIPATION IS LITERALLY KILLING ME,” Honey said to Andrew as they sat on the end of their bed.
Andrew’s arms had been circled around his wife since she took a seat a few moments ago. The thought of what was waiting for her in the bathroom was so overwhelming. If he didn’t hold her, she would start pacing.
Because …
She was late.
When she hadn’t gotten her period, she hadn’t told him immediately. With all the letdowns that happened to her every month, she was positive it would show up any minute. But when more time had passed, she’d decided she couldn’t put it off any longer, and he’d brought home a test this morning.
Now, it was processing on their bathroom counter.
“Whatever the result is,” he said, “we’re going to be fine with it.”
Honey looked at her husband. She hadn’t wanted to take the test in the first place. She was terrified of what the result would be. Because, for the last fourteen months, her period had shown up. And Honey had a feeling if she didn’t get pregnant soon, there was definitely something wrong with her.
He was looking for a reply, and she couldn’t give him one. At least, not one he would want to hear. So, she tucked her knees to her chest and circled her arms around them, and then she rocked along the edge of the bed.
“Honey …”
“Andrew, I can’t.” She looked at him even though it hurt. “I want to tell you a negative result won’t crush me, but I just can’t promise that.”
He wrapped his arm around her shoulders and pressed his lips to the top of her head, holding them there while she moved back and forth.