Can you believe it?
He also said my chances of survival are quite low. So this may be the last part of this letter, I hope you kept up. I hope it doesn’t confuse you. I wanted to share everything with you. So maybe one day you’ll speak of me with him. Please tell him I loved him more than life itself. I’m going to give my own life for his. Because that’s what a parent does, they love unconditionally. I never had that growing up, but I feel it, and I haven’t even held him yet. I was born to have him, and I was born to die for him. These are facts that I’ve come to live with, Darby. Please forgive me.
And love him. Love him as if you haven’t loved anyone in this world. And when you do find that woman, hold her to you and don’t let go. Because you’re worth all that love.
I was, too. Which is why I’m glad I found you.
I know, you’re probably saying in your head right now, I didn’t love her. I know this. But you have to love a small part of me because that’s in our son. And that’s enough for me.Its time, Darby, I can feel the contractions. My friend is on her way to get me right now.
I’m writing this last part fast.
But there’s so much more I want to say.
This is hard.
This is my last written word ever on paper.
I know I’m dying today, Darby.
But you don’t.
I’m sorry for that, for what I’m about to put you through. I really am.
But I had to. I just had to.
He’s going to be beautiful, this much I do know.
Will you sing to him? I sing to him in my belly. He kicks, he loves it. Sing for him, please. Or if you don’t, find a woman that will. It’s all I ask.
I’m sorry, Darby, so sorry. And I hope one day you’ll forgive me.
Maybe when you see our son graduate, when he’s a man and you can see all the hard work you did to get him there. Maybe then you will thank me. I’m a patient woman, Darby, I will wait.Goodbye Darby, kiss him every night for me. And hold him close, he’s the best thing I ever did on this earth.
Love, Cleo.28DarbyI don’t know what I’m meant to feel or say after reading that. Next to me Olympia is crying. She wipes her tears as she turns to face me.
“You didn’t know her?” It’s a statement mixed with a question. I shake my head anyway. “She was right, you know, I see how you help people. You are a good man.”
I turn to look at her. “I’m not, that’s where you’re both wrong. I do things that would scare you, make you run so far away you won’t want to turn back. The shit I do can replace your current nightmares.”
“I’m not stupid, people talk. I’ve heard the rumors, but it’s none of my business. I was taught to stay out of others’ business at a young age, Darby, so I’m happy to be blind to it.”
Her words shock me, then she utters words in a whisper, “You could never replace my nightmares,” and I cringe when she says them.
“Tell me,” I ask her, stroking her face.
She turns to glance at me with eyes so sad, then turns back and looks up at the ceiling.
“I was so close, but so early at the same time. We didn’t want to know the sex, but it was a girl. A beautiful, baby girl. I was driving by myself home and…” I wipe away the tear that’s leaking down her face and grip her hand. “It was so dark. It all happened so fast. I remember the dark the most. And how she wouldn’t kick. I was alone with her for a while, and she didn’t kick. She just didn’t kick no matter how much I coaxed her. It wasn’t like her. I knew then something was wrong. That the accident had done something, but I hoped I was wrong, though the blood, and the rain, and the black sky were ominous. I looked up to heaven and prayed for the first time in my life. I didn’t want her to be taken away, not when she hadn’t had a chance to live.”
“The letter is as she described, but you don’t know about the hard part. I thought when she had Charles that maybe I could care for this woman. Not in a lover kind of way, but actually care for her, the same way I care for Ma…” I pause as she looks to me, our pain becoming one. We can bask in this thing called pain together. “Then, well, I didn’t know. I didn’t know she was sick. I didn’t know she was going to die. So, when they rushed her away, my heart dropped. I had no idea what was happening, and just as I was wrapping my head around it all, it all came crashing down. So much came fucking crashing down I couldn’t stop it.”